Absolute Blue Invitation 2/16/18 - 2/18/18

Absolute Blue Searches

The Internet can be a dangerous place, as many Republicans have found out recently. I myself Googled Google at one point which inadvertently opened up a worm hole and subsequently lost several beanie babies and some Star Wars limited edition figurines. But when used with caution and prudence, the internet can be a wondrous place. And choosing your guide carefully can mean the difference a smooth and enlightening experience and total  disaster, as anyone that made the mistake of Asking Jeeves can tell you. On the plus side, at least Yahoo taught us how to yodel. On the minus side, Bing you still suck. And now we have Alexa, who seems so happy and helpful but truth be known, she has a dark side. We find it helpful to disable the vindictive mood in the app, but even then once you bring her home to meet the family she starts saying things like “Do you know what time it is?”, “Where have you been?” and ”You missed my birthday again!” So we are left with Google as the easiest and best option. But did you realize Google itself has variants such as:

-Moogle: Developed in conjunction with FarmersOnly and designed to give rural America its own set of digital tools. Contains a unique porn component, obviously.

-Newgle: The next generation search engine, designed to not only automatically search for your content, but also read it as well, so you can get off to bed as you have a big day tomorrow.

-Froogal: Nothing but coupons, special offers, rebates, exclusive deals, once in a lifetime opportunities, you make have already wons and the occasional Nigerian Prince.

-Truegle: Eliminates many outlets of Fake News including Kelli Ward, Russian news portals, The Weather Channel, most of social media and every other Trump statement.

-Magoogle: Content for and related to nearsighted, balding, inept, mumbling, bumbling elderly men, which covers most of the band.

-AbsoluteBluegle: Your portal to all you need to know about The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love, including Skip’s turn ons, Kevin's fish dip recipe, Bill’s liberal leanings and why Tom is the way he is. Better yet, don't.

See also Kungfugle, Dejavugle, Fondugle and Tattoogle.

Join us for a big weekend, beginning Friday at Coconuts in Cocoa Beach from 7 to 11…

Then Saturday, also from 7 to 11, it’s back to the Tiki Bar in Sebastian…

And Sunday it’s our return to SBI from 1 to 5…