Absolute Blue Invitation 4/01/18 - 4/02/18

Absolute Blue Evangelicalizes

While leafing through the pages of the most recent issue of Pentacoastal Living, it occurred to me that this week, spiritually speaking, is about as big as it gets. Sure, we have Christmas, Yom Kippur and Arbor Day spread throughout the calendar but as far as weekly events, this is it. The problem is that it's the same thing year after year, even with the addition of Taco Tuesday. So we propose shaking things up a bit. And we're not just talking about Taoing the line. It's so much more than that. Why, it's Mormoniacal! So we at Denominations 'R Us, a subsidiary of Absolute Blue Inc, have put together the following options sure to meet your ecumenical needs, all packaged and ready to market for a nominal licensing fee:

-Crystal Methodist: Based on the teachings of Walter White. Breaking bread and breaking bad.

-Pretzelterian: Less praying more recipes.

-Episcopaleontology: Divinity meets dinosaurs in this religion 2000 years in the making. Screams sequel.

-Lex Lutheran: For those of us fed up with superheroes.

-Jehovah's Witness Protection: Goodfellas meets good fellows.

-Ladder Day Saints: Celebrating tools and how we use them. Features Screwdriver Day, Pliers Week and Hammer's Eve.

Join us for the only Absolute Blue performance this week, Sunday at Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, from 4 to 8…