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Absolute Blue Invitation 3/22/19 - 3/23/19

Absolute Blue Infecticizes

 

Due to recently enacted SEC regulations, we are hereby required to report a security breach at one of our major North American Data Centers. Although we would rather refer to these as ‘Information Spills’. Rest assured, as we are pleased to advise all of you that your critical personal data has not been compromised. For example, no one will ever know the details of Nancy’s recent court appearance or Jimmy’s abysmally low credit score. Some band member’s data, however, has been released to the general public. Of most concern is a series of medical records that could prove to be intriguing, enlightening or downright embarrassing. Even as we speak, our routine medical exams are being downloaded to YouTube (make sure you check out Skip’s colonoscopy, volumes 1, 2 and 3). It is with this in mind and in the spirit of true transparency that we bring you the following diagnosis in an effort to head this off before it hits worldwide news outlets or local investigative portals. Can you imagine the damage if this got into the hands of Sean Hannity?

 

-Skiptheria: Not easily contracted so you really have to apply yourself. Since patient zero was found to be an exotic dancer, this is now known as the Striptease Disease.

-Donorrhea: Diagnosed often enough to put the freak in frequency. Treated with a two week regimen of unusually large pills which unfortunately cannot be taken orally.

-Tommon Cold: This is nothing to sneeze at and can be caused by accumulated dust and allergens so is sometimes known as the hoarder’s disorder.

-Kevinfluenza: This unique strain was first diagnosed during the Obama administration earning the name Barrack Plague.

-Billybola: Seek treatment immediately for any of the many symptoms of this malady. Due to its New Orleans origination it is sometimes called the Cajun Contagion.

 

 

Join us for a Friday night at Monkey Bar in Indialantic from 8 to 12…

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