Absolute Blue Invitation 3/29/19 - 3/30/19

Absolute Blue Reporticizes

We are pleased to hear the summary of the conclusions of the special counsel investigation and that no evidence of conspiracy or collusion have been found. And while accusations of obstruction of justice go unanswered, the report sidesteps any traditional prosecutorial recommendation, declining to draw any conclusions on the matter. And while the details have yet to be made public, I think we can all finally put this matter to rest after all these years. Sure, there may be more allegations against Sloane and Cameron and there are those that will belabor the point, saying that this report actually raises more questions than it answers, however we at The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love stand by Ferris and believe that future releases of the Bueller report will continue to exonerate him. However we understand that concessions have been made on the following topics:

-The German consulate has lodged a formal complaint demanding a Thank You for its depiction during the parade.

-Yamaha Corporation finally reached a settlement for its claims of conspiracy to commit fraud as while they saw an increase in clarinet sales, this did not offset losses in their investment in woodwind tutoring.

-The alleged mistreatment of a vintage Ferrari on set has lead to formal complaints filed by People for the Ethical Treatment of Automobiles.

-Litigation continues surrounding the trademark rights to the ’Slacker’ name and concept as the central character is widely regarded as the first postmodern depiction of such in mainstream media.

-Classroom scenes featuring the explanation of the Smoot–Hawley Tariff Act did for supply side economics what Kardashians did for reality tv.

Join us for a Sunday afternoon at the Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, from 4 to 8…