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Absolute Blue Invitation 06/07/19 - 06/09/19

Absolute Blue Employizes


Positions now available!

Due to a series of reverse sting operations, Absolute Blue Inc. requires a variety of positions to be filled immediately. Applicants should be:


-Several weeks felony free.

-Able to tolerate a methane rich work environment.

-Willing to accept compensation in a variety of forms, mostly back rubs and skittles.


-Upright, or possess the ability to stand up.


Openings include:

-Wardrobe Liaison: Provide insight on fashion trends and styles but mostly count  the number and types of fish on Don’s shirts.

-Intake Coordinator: Responsible for procurement and processing of all Absolute Blue assets from beers, lagers and ales to cordials and liquors

-Human Resources Administrator: Barely a job as we are barely human.

-IT Supervisor: In charge of the wide array of cutting edge technology deployed by The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love, up to and including pagers and fax machines.

-Political strategist: Must be able to utilize extensive knowledge of domestic and international affairs to create new and innovative fart jokes.


Join us for a Friday night at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…


Then Saturday it’s Gators Dockside, at the Port, from 6 to 10…

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