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Absolute Blue Invitation 11/01/19 - 11/02/19

Absolute Blue Exodizes


A stunning turn of events unfolded at the Absolute Blue Inc annual shareholders meeting, held for the 22nd consecutive year at an undisclosed Hooters location coinciding with quarter beer night. Along with coming within one vote of being renamed Bandy McBandface, it was overwhelming voted that we should leave the longstanding association that has been a part of Absolute Blue for over 20 years. This has long been debated by Don against a split faction that has since become known as the Never Trumpeters. The original idea of inclusion into the organization was to provide common goals and services. But this has soured as of late and there is an effort to cut these ties, now called Blexit, with the Southern Office Division of the United Musicians of Brevard. It is hard when we remember how long we have been SODUMB but we needed to make a stand for a more autonomous organization, and reduce our reliance on other bands. It will undoubtedly be a long and sometimes painful process but we are committed to this decision which will ultimately put us in the best position to be successful in the future. Among the changes:


-It is expected that this will open up trade to foreign markets which will be critical for fourth quarter revenue estimates and give us a chance to finally unload our substantial backlog of Don bobbleheads, or Dobbleheads, to an unsuspecting public.

-If not handled judiciously, this could wreak havoc with existing sponsorships, most notably Old Milwaukee Light and 7-11 brand frozen burritos, leaving us with only contracts with either Odor Eaters or adult undergarments, depends.

-We will be responsible for our own border security, handled by Don, who has been keeping up with his Jazzercise home videos, and Kevin, having just completed a series of Zumba classes. We are therefore ready for what is expected to be a full frontal assault from an unnamed local band.

-This leaves a significant power vacuum in the SODUMB infrastructure as Tom was a founding member of the steering committee, Bill led the strategic planning team and Skip made cupcakes every other Thursday.


Join us for a Friday night at Malabar Mo’s from 7 to 11…

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