Absolute Blue Invitation 8/23/13 - 8/25/13

Absolute Blue Infects

We have been informed that last week’s invitation included a virus of sorts. This particularly malicious worm, a so called Trojan Horse for its ability to penetrate even the most stringent of defenses as well as its inability to reproduce, affects all major file systems and user files in particular. It is notorious for reorganizing documents into logical partitions, based on past usage, efficiently presenting and linking files based on consumer best practices, removing unnecessary files, thereby increasing productivity and archiving unused files as well as prioritizing system objects based on a complex algorithm that includes user forecasting and interpolation of user needs. This can result in chaos, with system speeds exceeding expectations, an overabundance of storage capacity, an absence of system errors; in short, a virtual anarchy. If you suspect that you are a victim of this malevolent malware you may want to take the following steps:

Randomly assign files to folders such as 1987 Fashion, Aunt Betty’s Recipes and Bea Arthur Pics.

Keep a list of all passwords taped to your monitor for easy retrieval.

For truly safe computing, power down your monitor so no one on the internet can see what you’re doing.

To keep your computer clean, consider purchasing the new dishwasher safe line of notebooks and tablets.

And always remember, the Recycle Bin is a great place to store all your important documents…

This weekend we bring you 3 chances to partake in the mediocrity that is The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love. We start things off at Squid Lips from 7-11 Friday…

Then Saturday it’s back to The Old Fish House in Grant from 6 to 10…

And Sunday join us at the Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, from 4 to 8…