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Absolute Blue Invitation 7/28/17 - 7/30/17
Absolute Blue Poetizes
We at Absolute Blue like to kid around. We make frequent jokes about our incompetence, or incontinence, depends. But we have a serious side as well. We understand that we have been given a great gift, to be able get together with good friends for good times and have for so long. So we would like to take a moment this week to commemorate this, to acknowledge the fact that we have been able to do whatever it is we do for so many years. And what better format to express this that the minimalistic and rhythmic beauty of the most famous of Japanese prose. This uses just a few words to capture a moment and create a picture in the reader's mind. Like a tiny window into a scene much larger than itself. Behold:
Music fills the air
Joyful, blissful, then gone..as
A fart in the wind
Join us for a big weekend starting with Lou’s Blues Friday at 9:30 to 1:30…
Then Saturday it’s Keith’s Oyster Bar at Cocoa Beach Pier from 6 to 10:00…
Absolute Blue Invitation 7/14/17 - 7/23/17
Absolute Blue Amazes
Tired of the niceties and formality of your automated response system? Frustrated that Siri and Alexa can’t take a joke and keep alerting the authorities? Want your imaginary friend to treat you more like your bud? The Absolute Blue Inc Research and Development Division is proud to announce the Brolexa 3000. It synthesizes local colloquial speech patterns and inflections to provide a more relatable conversation for you and is guaranteed not to remind you of talking to your fifth grade math teacher. Best of all the Brolexa 3000 is designed to learn vernacular, syntax and phrasing to make interaction customized to you personally, so the flow of speech is as natural as conversing with a close friend. Take for instance a recently recorded Brolexa 3000 conversation:
Bro…
You again, bitch?
Bro, what’s the nearest nightclub?
Bitches be making it rain up in The Inner Room. What, you need a groupon, bitch?
Bro, what’s the weather?
Bitch, do I sound like Jim Cantore?
Bro, place my most recent pizza order.
Ham and pineapple from Little Ceasers? Bitch please…
Bro, what’s a joule?
A joule is the SI unit of work or energy, equal to the work done by a force of one newton when its point of application moves one meter in the direction of action of the force, equivalent to one 3600th of a watt-hour. Bitch.
Thanks, Bro…
Punk ass bitch.
Join us for this Friday night at Siggy’s in Palm Bay from 9:30 to 1:30…
Then next up is Sunday, July 24, at SBI from 1 to 5…
Absolute Blue Invitation 7/07/17 - 7/09/17
Absolute Blue Literizes
We have often been asked what happens on weekends when Absolute Blue is not performing. Considering our recent time off we are in a position to answer this accurately and completely. Since world peace is at hand, global hunger has been eliminated and we are now Making America Great Again, we turn our attention to other relevant topics. It has long been widely known that American literature has grown stagnant and we are currently losing our edge over the rest of the world. While other bands are content to sit by and watch this happen, The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love is taking action. We have taken the liberty to update and revitalize some classic titles and painstakingly retooled these to make them more commercially viable while still maintaining relevancy to the reader. The result, we believe, will leave you spellbound, with renewed confidence in the US’s ability to provide epic entertainment, as commonly found within our music:
-A Farewell to Armstrong: Skip provides an in depth look at the USADA’s controversial decision to ban Lance from competition and the affect that it had on him both medically, bycically and testicularly.
-War and Pizza: Set in a dystopian future where pizza chains have aligned and declared war against each other. Kevin’s story follows the deep dish atrocities carried out by the Papa John fundamentalists and the stuffed crust barbarity conducted by the Little Caesar extremists.
-Of Mice and Menopause: Bill brings us an anecdotal tale of the nuanced changes, mentally, physically, and emotionally, in middle aged women. As told by small rodents.
-Beowolfenstein: Tom blends the terror of a mythical Scandinavian monster with Nazis in this interpretation of the landmark first person shooter game. Grendle that, bitches.
-The Old Man and the Ceiling: Don’s extensive struggles with renovating the living room is told in excruciating detail. Yes, it’s the literary equivalent of watching paint dry.
Join us for a full weekend beginning Friday at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…
Then Saturday it’s back to Grind and Grape in Vero Beach, just off Ocean Blvd on Bougainvillea…
And Sunday it’s Millikens at the Port from 2 to 7…
Absolute Blue Invitation 6/16/17 - 6/18/17
Absolute Blue Disenfranchises
Once again Tom Cruise’s loss is our gain. The relative failure of his recent film has put the entire Dark Universe franchise on hold, enabling a new series to take its place. Sure, The Mummy has seen significant revenues globally, but tanked here, which speaks to the level of sophistication of the American film palate. Which should have become apparent with the Ernest trilogy or at least Sharknado one and two. This sets the stage for the Absolute Blue: Origins series. Yes, the time is right, now more than ever, to tell the untold and largely fictional story, mostly because no one can really remember, of how the 5 came together, eschewing the traditional values of musicianship, professionalism and good taste, to battle the dark forces of music. Proving time and time again that together they can work side by side, preserving democracy one beer at a time and protecting America from radical musical fundamentalists. But that’s not all. Many more films are planned such as the following:
-Skip: Oh Hell No, Absolute Blue Inc and Insanity Limited present a Best Case production of a Worst Band You’ll Ever Love film in association with Arrogance Unlimited, a subsidiary of Corpnews Corporation in partnership with Corporated Incorporated and distributed through Untimely Musicians International. A film consisting entirely of credits.
-Don: This Time It’s Personnel, focusing on his early years in Human Resources, then Super Human Resources. staring the recently deceased Leslie Neilson
-Kevin: Never Stop Not Sliding, follows our tromboner through the tough years, when all the cool kids had cool instruments, he was able to fashion a slidey thing from a set of paper clips and spittle . The rest is history.
-Bill: Back 2 tha Hoodie, one musician’s journey to self-discovery through a variety of apparel. Watch him struggle through sweaters, pullovers and cardigans on his way to individual awareness.
-Tom: The Awakening, featuring Scarlett Johansson in the titular role. Just because we like to say role.
Join us for a Friday and Saturday at Keith’s Oyster Bar at Cocoa Bach Pier from 6 to 10…
Then Sunday it’s Millikens at the Port from 2 to 7…
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