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Absolute Blue Invitation 5/03/19 - 5/05/19

Absolute Blue Botanizes


Just as the Absolute Blue division of Research and Development completed their findings on essential oils, which turn out to be suntan, crisco and 10W40, we find that trends are changing and now the emphasis is on botanicals. So there’s juniper in gin, coriander in skin care lotion and St. John’s wort in breakfast cereal. It’s hard to give up our carnivorous lifestyle but we’ll do anything at this point to stay relevant. And considering how much we’re willing to play requests we’re sure to put the hor in horticulture. As we understand it, to unlock the power of the flower you must believe in the leaves, salute the roots, put the petal to the metal and heed the seed, lest ye be pistil whipped. And to capitalize on this growing craze we plan a line of imitation plants we call fauxtanicals, including:


-Skip developed a vine he calls the North Carolina creeper that is so pervasive and virulent it may require a restraining order.         

-Don went directly against USDA regulations to create a flowering bush he calls the Verboten Croton.

-Bill bought contaminated lab equipment on eBay when he tried to create a new strain of American Beauty and wound up with the first trichinosis roses.

-Tom had so many problems with his perennial hybrid he put the ‘be gone’ in begonias.

-Kevin’s foray into synthesizing common flowering plants led to the development of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Buttercups.


Join us for a Friday at Gator’s Dockside, formerly Millikens Reef, at Port Canaveral from 6 to 10…


Then Sunday it’s back to Sandbar in Cocoa Beach at the end of 520 from 4 to 8…

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