Absolute Blue Invitation 9/03/21 - 9/05/21

Day 21 of our self imposed social media ban and so far no one has noticed. We expect very soon to hear outrage from the far corners of the internet, but until such time we present to you some words of wisdom from years gone by:

Absolute Blue Vegetizes

In an effort to drain the last bit of value from our health plan this year, as well as take advantage of a Groupon, we collectively went to the doctor last week and after a cursory exam we were told the only thing that would alleviate our many and varied ailments was more roughage. So Don punched Kevin, Kevin kicked Tom, Tom slapped Skip, Skip whacked Bill and Bill smacked Don, while the doctor watched in disbelief. Turns out we just needed to get more fiber. He gave us two options, either a suppository, which we googled and, well, no. Or to eat more vegetables. This seemed much less invasive, but we didn’t want to settle for the simple joy of Bok Choy or the gender insensitive Chickpea. So we each developed our own unique recipe which represents our own personality and cultural heritage and also conforms to our own culinary program we like to call Make America Grate Again, which is sure to put the itch back in spinach:

-Pucumbers: Laced with croton oil, this potent purgative has been a staple in Kevin’s family for generations. Guaranteed to spew the stew, hurl the swirl and gag the nag.

-Okra Winfrey: Skip’s most inspiring recipe garnered rave reviews for its texture and presentation. Proudly served to all freedom loving Americans with no apologies.

-Sasquash: Based on the zucchini of mythical proportions, this seldom seen and rarely photographed dish is a favorite of Bill’s although he never remembers ever having it. Most probably more urban legend than food.

-Below Parsnips: Tom’s underachieving dish strives for mediocrity then fails miserably. Similar in experience to chewing a used damp sweat sock but without the nutritional value.

-Swiss Charred: Culinary history was made when Don mistakenly burned some of that cheese with the holes in it.

We encourage you to celebrate the Labor Day weekend with us as make a special appearance at Kelly’s Burgers & Beer in Melbourne, on Wickham just south of Sarno, Saturday from 7 to 10…

Then it’s party at Malabar Mo’s Sunday from 4 to 8…

Absolute Blue Invitation 8/13/21 - 8/15/21

Absolute Blue Sanctionizes

We have finally had enough. Too many times we sat idly by while being exposed to volumes of vitriolic rhetoric without responding. It is now time to act. We have petitioned the major players involved multiple times demanding an end to the madness, but still see nothing has changed. So, yet again it comes down to us. Because as you know we are a band of action. Therefore, until they come to their senses, we have taken the initiative to ban ourselves from all social media for the period of one week, beginning with this post. We owe this to you, at least. As of this moment there will be no new content generated. This includes but is not limited to hyperbole, innuendo, double entendre, single entendre, haiku, limericks, iambic pentameter and fart jokes.

We will, however, leave you with our least remembered segment, Today I Forgot:

-TIF that many years ago, Wozniac, Jobs and Forbes formed a think tank tasked with developing new financial technology and called themselves the Den of Steves.

-TIF that Keith Richards was the source for a common idiom when he bagged two quail on his first hunting expedition and provided the earliest known example of killing two birds with one Stone.

-TIF that when you teased that red headed kid you were adding insult to gingery.

-TIF about a lengthy bible verse explaining how hundreds of doves appeared at the temple, which proves that a scripture is worth a thousand birds.

-TIF that an English and two Southeast Asian athletes won Olympic Archery medals but officials were hesitant to award them, because once Briton, twice Thai.

Please join us for a big weekend with The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love, beginning Friday at Malabar Mo’s from 7 to 11…

Then it’s Mainstreet Pub in Downtown Melbourne Saturday from 6 to 10…

We wrap things up with a Sunday afternoon at Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, 4 to 8…

Absolute Blue Invitation 8/06/21 - 8/07/21

Absolute Blue Olympicizes

Once again we found ourselves embroiled in nationalistic fervor over a global athletic competition. You have to agree, it’s absolutely awe inspiring to see a person eat so many hotdogs. But with the Nathan’s contest behind us, we are left with just the Olympics to look forward to. And even though our talents are obviously geared more toward eating competitions, we are still desperate to find a way that we can contribute and use our extensive physical and mental acuity to further dominate and show the obvious superiority of our beloved country and display our national pride. But after watching various events we can’t help but take exception to the commercialization of these games as evidenced in a certain insurance company sponsoring Gecko Roman wrestling. And Hallmark donating large sums for Sympathized Swimming. We also question the validity of women’s wrestling as from what I could see there was no trace of jello or mud. And we have formally lodged a complaint with the Olympic Operating Committee regarding the obviously distasteful Jewdo competition. Seems like with each time these games are hosted it goes from badminton to worse. Doesn’t matter if it’s track or field, this year there has been so much complaining there may as well be a cryathlon. So we have petitioned the governing body to make some much needed changes to the Olympic format, henceforth:

-Caught up in an unexpected religious zeal, Tom competed in the world’s first repentathlon, where he atoned for 31 sins, most of them deadly, in 17.6 seconds.

-Skip was stripped of top honors in Fencing, after he was found to have used a banned titanium alloy in his chain link.

-After much negotiation Bill was given the opportunity to create a new event for these games, which he named after a former girlfriend, the trampoline.

-Tired of horses getting the spotlight, Kevin proposed getting his new puppy involved in the new sport of collieball, along with all the other TaekwonDobermans.

-Don wanted to develop an event that would reflect his love for coffee so he had officials document his consumption of 7 sixteen ounce cups in 27.8 seconds in the very first decaflon.

Join us for good friends, great food, better times and some music at a very special public party Saturday at Amvets in Rockledge, off US1 on Hardee Lane, just north of Arby’s. Yes, that’s a landmark...