Absolute Blue Invitation 09/09/22 - 09/10/22

Absolute Blue Relationalizes

Through the years The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love has attempted many team building exercises designed to strengthen strategic synergy and build a more dynamic working structure. At one point they tried to learn sewing together, but it seemed too superstitchious. Then there was the time the entire band took part in a theatrical presentation of the history of communism and wound up being redacted. They also tried camping but found it had little potential. They tried a public speaking class but talked so much they were deemed insaytiable. More recently they got together at Don’s house to watch election results and were all taken aback when Palin was unsarahmoniously denied office by Alaskan voters. And just this week they tried giving up beer for sports drinks but all agreed they were inconsequenchial. They also shared some individual insights intended to build trust and confidence in each other but most likely will be used for periodic if not constant ridicule:

-Skip let us know that he hates it when people constantly say yes to him calling it agreegious.

-Because of his aversion to oatmeal, we call Don imporrigable.

-Bill went to the local Irish bar a second time last week so he is officially a republican.

-Kevin joined a fishing team where he gets paid for setting lines, making him a procastinator.

-Tom tried to get out of the lease for his Ford SUV, but it was inescapable.

Please join us for a Saturday night at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 6 to 10…

Absolute Blue Invitation 08/12/22 - 08/13/22

Absolute Blue Religicizes

I was recently asked to participate in a church service and met with the Father in advance. He was very pleasant and I was surprised to see that he had two full sleeves. He told me at length about the tattoos, each of which depicted a religious scene and it felt like I was attending Tatechism. He showed me the Church app and how you could apply for a variety of Church services, which seemed very techumenical. We prepared some litorgy, which is not near as fun as it sounds, and toured the chancery which turns out is not a casino at all. I was asked to read from first Corinthians and I rambled on about my experiences in leather work. There was then some talk of excommunication, but I swear I have not even texted my former wife. The whole thing was a bit confusing and I was left with some questions:

-I know Adam and Eve fell from grace when they tasted the forbidden fruit, but wouldn’t that be considered Applestolic?

-I saw a well known Democrat in line for communion but wasn’t sure that they gave rites to lefts.

-If a group of priests won a competition over another denomination, would they declare Vicarry?

-If I mistakenly repeated a short hymn, would that be a paradoxology?

-If I wanted to determine how to end a church service, would I look in the benedictionary?

Join us for a Friday night at Squid Lips in Melbourne, 6 to 10…

Then Saturday it’s Island Time in Cocoa Beach from 5 to 9…

Absolute Blue Invitation 08/05/22 - 08/07/22

Absolute Blue Kernelizes

It is with great pride that we announce the development of a new product that is sure to revolutionize food production worldwide. After years of working with little known Vegitoligist PhD candidates from Cornell, we have created a crop that will grow in the most arid of climates, with little water required. And since the kernels tend to clump together, making it difficult to transfer into designated containers, we are calling it Hard Pour Corn. However, in bringing our product to market, there are problems. Turns out that it’s not just what I call the bunion on my left foot, but Big Corn is a real thing. Be it Yellow, Pop, Sweet or Jimmy Cracked, they control it all. So we turned our focus to other markets, namely in South America. This shouldn’t be difficult, but turns out they have countries there with strange names. So we have come up with some minor changes to appeal to real American consumers. Please feel free to Peruse:

-Imagine if you will the very first theme parked country, Shrekuador.  

-Since we understand that they are huge football fans, Super Bolivia.

-Due to the popularity of hospital dramas there, Paraguay’s Anatomy.

-Because of the absurdly high rate of wine consumption per capita, Argentino Grigio.

-The largest fertilizer producing country in the world, Manuraguay.  

Join us for a Friday night at Tiki Bar and Grill in Sebastian, on Indian River Blvd, just south of Main Street, from 7 to 11…

Then Saturday it’s Mainstreet in Downtown Melbourne 6 to 10…

And our last Sandbar performance of the season, 4 to 8 Sunday…