Absolute Blue Invitation 12/13/19 - 12/14/19

Absolute Blue Astrolizes

In a desperate attempt to recoup our fourth quarter losses, including significant capital lost on the GMO modified lactose free milk substitute called Ledendairy, our BDSM themed November event, Spanksgiving and our sponsorship of the rerecording of Shatner’s spoken word album, The Vinyl Frontier, we make our first attempt at crashing the launch industry. I mean if that Tesla guy can do it, how hard can it be? So we would like to introduce SpaceXXX, an equal opportunity employer, providing exciting careers for everyone from call girls to strippers to gigolos, and our featured product, PornStarLink: Bringing adult entertainment to the most remote corners of the world. We will be using a variety of innovative propulsion systems, from big old rubber bands to a highly sophisticated array of M-80’s. This is in addition to our autonomous droneship, Of Course I Still Love You As A Friend. We plan to set up shop just behind the Never Accomplishing Space Again headquarters. And for this we make no apollogies:

-Don proposes a new clothing line he calls Simply Ripley, at least until we get sued for copyright infringement, as our working model of the new generation Extravehicular Mobility Unit was really just a modified leisure suit.

-Bill’s work with advanced plumbing fixtures has resulted in the first Geosinkronous orbit.

-Skip plans to sublet the ISS into the world’s first Low Earth Orbit Airbnb: Make the Space Station your Vacation!

-Kevin attempted to launch a fish using a modified slingshot but failed to reach the troposphere. And with that we lost our first basstronaut.

-Tom has already named the first three recovery vehicles: ‘What Did You Do With My Coffee?’, ‘I’ve Fallen And I Can’t Get Up’ and ‘Epstein Didn’t Kill Himself’.

Join us for a Saturday evening at the Crab Stop in Sebastian, on Indian River just north of Main Street, from 6 to 9…