Absolute Blue Invitation 12/05/14 - 12/06/14

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Category: Front Page News

Published on Wednesday, 03 December 2014 17:01

Written by Absolute Blue

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This week marks an historic event, unparalleled in modern times. For the first time ever a disparate group of leaders of the free world converge with the sole purpose of making decisions that affect each and every one of us. No, it’s not global warming, as the Democrats have that figured out. And it’s not the growing worldwide shortage of water as that is well in hand. It could be the growing threat of Near Earth Objects and the development of collision avoidance systems, but it’s not. It should be the radicalization of worldwide banking practices but, again, it’s not. Instead we speak of the first ever College Football Playoffs and the team tasked with selecting the teams, consisting of Condoleezza Rice, a random Kardashian and I think Betty White. With such sports knowledge and experience we can only hope that ‘body of work’ pertains to cheerleaders. But unbeknownst to many, the group’s power goes well beyond team selection, to include:

-Game venues to be coordinated in observance of other major sporting events such as the Westminster Dog Show, World Series of Poker and Cheerleading Regionals.

-Commercial spots, taking a cue from the Super Bowl. In related news, Jake from State Farm has been benched for the playoffs due to conduct unbecoming a fictional character.

-Halftime entertainment. Fortunately they have already procured legendary Philippine tribute band Manilla Ice.

-In the rare event that they cannot perform, an alternate island tribute band has been lined up, Manilli Vanilli.

-Game time decisions such as determining the home team as having the least number of felony convictions, the least outstanding warrants or the fewest complaints filed.

-Assigning new names to the teams such as Chippendales or Hot Tamales as well as team colors, potentially contrasting earth tones with pastels.

-Creating competitive matchups based on egalitarian or socioeconomic principles, populist ideologies or untraceable cash payments.

Anyways,  we will be anxiously awaiting this learned groups decision, but before that, join us for a Friday night at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…

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