Absolute Blue Invitation 6/05/15 - 6/07/15

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Category: Front Page News

Published on Wednesday, 03 June 2015 19:15

Written by Absolute Blue

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Absolute Blue Explains

At this point we would like to familiarize you with some of the strange and unusual instruments played by the members of Absolute Blue. And there is nothing stranger or more unusual than this week’s subject, unless maybe the person playing it. Made by some sort of metal or fiberglass or paper mache, the trumpet was featured prominently in Norse Mythology, used to announce the presence of royalty, summon angels or make loud farting noises. The only requirements for playing this instrument is to have three fingers total, be right handed and not be allergic to spit, at least your own. You must also wait 30 minutes after eating to play the trumpet, not so much for cramps but because the bits of burrito from a Taco Bell run will take approximately a year and a half to go from one end of the horn to the other and after that time will smell like a vulture vomiting on a long dead armadillo carcass. A system of valves powered by either steam or a complicated system of hydraulics allows the user to quickly change from one out of tune note to another. Don’s particular model was hand crafted by long dead artisans in a remote Eastern European village whose only purpose is to flood the emerging brass and woodwind black market with product, which will be smuggled across numerous borders and subsequently wind up in free market economy garage sales, swap meets or flea markets. It is widely known that the tone of the trumpet can be quite harsh, but with Don’s technique it can be downright soothing and has even been known to put small animals and pets to sleep. Permanently. It is because of this that the trumpet is a dangerous and important component of Absolute Blue.

Next week it’s Kevin’s big ol’ slidey thing…

Join us for a Friday night at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…

Then Saturday it’s our long awaited return to Siggy’s in Palm Bay, on Malabar Road just west of 95 in Interchange Square from 9:30 to 1:30…

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