Absolute Blue Invitation 7/09/15 - 7/11/15

Details

Category: Front Page News

Published on Wednesday, 08 July 2015 18:14

Written by Absolute Blue

Hits: 1316

Absolute Blue Prepares

For any business, planning is critical. This is why Absolute Blue conducts periodic reviews of their operational and strategic plans to ensure future success. But there is an even more important policy that we have in place to guide us through the many disruptions, real or imagined, that however unlikely or inevitable will affect us in one way or another. Our Business Continuity Plan, initiated in 1998, has seen us through many crises, including the Twinkies Bankruptcy of 2012, the International Hops Shortage of 2008 and some recent Supreme Court decisions. This calls for specific and actionable steps to follow for disasters of all kinds, from Don’s flatulence to incidents involving comets, radiation or outraged marauding unicorns. Strictly adhering to the principals of this plan we have been stockpiling Jaeger, porn and Twizzlers in case of a natural, man-made or Kardashian induced emergency. Recent headlines, however, have forced us to take another look at these policies and provide for yet another set of catastrophic circumstances. It is with this in mind that we amend our plan with the following post op names in case of a gender identity crisis for each member (or non-member, as it may be):

Don: Mary Ann – Only because Mrs. Howell was taken. May lead to some confusion.

Bill: Destiny – Conjuring up images of exotic dancers and long lost dollar bills.

Skip: Ella Mae – Referencing his North Carolina roots and perhaps a second cousin.

Kevin: Constanza Agustina Guadalupe - Alluding to his spicy Hispanic heritage.

Tom: LaShonequia – Channeling his inner Warrior Goddess, based on Swahili and urban mythology.

Obviously there are other considerations, such as implant size, wardrobe, hair coloring and shoes as well as potential product tie ins, such as a lingerie line called Skipper’s Secret and Billy’s electrolysis for agnostics, Hairless and Prayerless, but this lays a solid foundation on which to build.  

A rather large weekend for The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love beginning Thursday night at Tracy’s in Suntree from 7:30 to 9:30. It’s on Wickham, just 1.5 miles north of Pineda, at the corner of St Andrews…

Then Friday it’s back to the Tiki Bar in Sebastian, just south of Main Street on Indian River Blvd from 7 to 11…

And Saturday we’re at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…

• < Prev
• Next >