Absolute Blue Invitation 7/24/15 - 7/26/15

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Category: Front Page News

Published on Wednesday, 22 July 2015 22:49

Written by Absolute Blue

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Absolute Blue Attains

Much is known regarding Absolute Blue’s meteoric rise to mediocrity. It has been well documented in film, television and Tom’s mind. Ok, mostly the latter, but it still makes a compelling story for the easily amused or the ill informed. But often overlooked are the extraordinary unexceptional, the uncommonly pedestrian, the spectacularly unremarkable achievements of band members outside of the music community. They have made advancements, or rather declines, in the relegation of lives and lowered expectations for all of mankind or at least part of Satellite Beach. Behold the many areas that The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love has made its mark. Or hit the Mark, but only because he was asking for it:

-Don studied Linguistics at the prestigious St Xavier academy under the somewhat less prestigious Professor Krupzinger. For his thesis he postulated the existence of a yet unnamed punctuation mark. Similar in nature to the semicolon, he proposed a half asterisk. He was asked to never return.

-Skip was accepted into an early NASA program and was on the fast track to participate on one of the first Space Shuttle missions. Unfortunately midway through his training he was caught with a female cadet in the simulator and was let go. Even so he is still proud to refer to himself as a half astronaut.

-Tom was fulfilling his lifelong dream of becoming a mortician when an unfortunate accident occurred at the crematorium. This resulted in the loss of some remains and his dismissal from the program. He was destined to live his life among the living when he delivered some loved ones half ashed.

-Bill had a bright future in advertising until he was handed the Bayer account. After studies had shown that NSAID products were helpful in preventing heart attacks, they were successful in marketing a low dose version of their product. Bill was let go after investing millions into his campaign of Half Aspirin.

-Kevin, in his never ending quest for the perfect vegetable dip, patented a half asafoetida and half aspartame concoction that was wholly banned by the FDA, not so much for its toxicity level as that it was such a bad idea.

Catch the half assed sounds of Absolute Blue this Friday and Saturday from 6 to 10 at Keith’s Oyster Bar at Cocoa Beach Pier…

Then Sunday from 4 to 8 it’s the Sandbar in Cocoa Beach at the end of 520…

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