Absolute Blue Invitation 10/16/15 - 10/18/15

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Category: Front Page News

Published on Wednesday, 14 October 2015 21:30

Written by Absolute Blue

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Absolute Blue Tarheeled

This week we celebrate the glorious birthplace of Skip. Many fail to realize that present day North Carolina was formed during the Carolinian War which was waged for probably around 300 years, fought with wads of paper and beer cans. Which meant that preparing for war required consumption of large quantities of Old Milwaukee Light, prompting this to become one of the funnest wars ever. It began with the communist North invading the predominantly presbyterian South, then ended when no one could remember what started the whole thing and a drunken line was drawn designating the delineation between the two geographically diverse regions. South Carolina may claim South of the Border as its crowning cultural achievement, but it is North Carolina that has given us icons Barney Fife and Barney the Dinosaur. It is where the Wright Brothers created the first pen. North Carolina is also the leading producer of rednecks. Contrary to popular belief, it is not the birthplace of racism, although it did spend its formative years and may have summered there. It is also the birthplace of the toothbrush, course if it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush. Their unusual speech patterns are based upon an outdated compensation system where people were paid by the syllable. Among the examples:

Tainted: That which is not Edward.

Retard: If you become sleepy again.

Bayer Aspirin: Treatment for a grizzly headache.

Odd Ear: A hillbilly thought, concept or notion.

Dubawad: Pertaining to a specific type of manufactured home or perhaps the girth of the occupants.

Prom Tom: No, it’s not our bass player dressed for a formal, it’s when we watch Dancing With The Stars.

Come find out more about this state that we inevitably make up this Friday at Tiki Bar in Sebastian, on Indian River Blvd just south of Main Street…

The Saturday it’s Malabar Mo’s from 6 to 10…

And Sunday find us at Sebastian Beach Inn from 1 to 5…

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