Absolute Blue Invitation 9/21/12 - 9/22/12

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Category: Front Page News

Published on Thursday, 20 September 2012 14:54

Written by Absolute Blue

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Absolute Blue Gets Rescued

Taking a cue from the recent slate of reality shows where a failing bar or restaurant brings in a consultant to identify deficiencies, modify operations and ultimately increase profitability, The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love has decided to get in on the act. We have signed on for the inaugural episode of 'Band Rescue' and have forwarded a substantial ‘Creative License Fee’ to a dimly lit repository on the wrong side of the tracks. Our initial meeting will certainly be confrontational but we are all excited to hear how we can improve our product. The game plan is to meet with the consultant, then bring in a team of specialists to assist in the implementation of these required changes. These can be as simple as a change in lipstick color or a complete revamp of the band’s lineup. After our initial consultation we have been tasked with the following items:

After an analysis of the local market, include songs that appeal to each demographic niche.

In an effort to increase market share, revise band attire to represent a more professional appearance.

Refrain from banter of a political, religious or sexual nature, thereby improving potential marketability.

Restructure the band’s physical positioning to make the product more visually appealing.

Modify our song list to broaden our appeal to currently untapped markets, such as Libertarians, the homeless and pets.

He also suggested reducing the intake of beer during the performance.

We sent him home.

This Friday we return to the Tiki Bar in Sebastian, just south of Main Street on the river from 7 to 11...

Then Saturday it's back to The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10...

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