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Absolute Blue Invitation 10/11/13 - 10/12/13
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- Category: Front Page News
- Published on Wednesday, 09 October 2013 22:12
- Written by Absolute Blue
- Hits: 1600
Absolute Blue Shuts Down
As we are facing yet more inconveniences due to our government’s inability to get even the most miniscule issue resolved, we regret to inform you that Absolute Blue is no different. Seems that Skip and Don favor the conservative values of Bud Light, while Bill and Kevin support the more liberal ideals behind Coors Light. And again Tom seems incapable of making any decision whatsoever. As we enter the third day of the musical stalemate, the factions seem even further apart with the Coors team accusing the other of lactose intolerance and the Bud team accusing their adversaries of incontinence or enuresis, depends. So with an approval rating bordering on their blood alcohol content, we have shut down all band related activities until a compromise can be reached. This may seem trivial at first glance, but this will affect all of us to a degree:
-A plea to resume normal operations has been received from Jaeger’s board of directors as stock prices have plummeted.
-Local Taco Bells are closing early and 7-11 has slowed production of their extensive line of frozen burritos.
-In many adult entertainment establishments dollar bills lay dormant and unfolded.
-Throughout the county dozens of people remain entertainless, suffering from a lack of mediocre music, fart jokes and bad dancing.
-Plant workers were sent home due to the lack of demand for fossil fuel, steam and fissionable energy needed to power an Absolute Blue performance.
On the plus side, overall methane emissions are down substantially and citizen complaints have reached an all time low. And we know what you’re thinking: If we’ve shut down who’s writing this?, to which we say, stop being a smartass, ok.
Join us for a Friday night at Squid Lips from 7 to 11…
Or perhaps a Saturday night at Neptune in Satellite Beach from 9 to 1 would suite you…