Absolute Blue Invitation 5/07/21 - 5/08/21

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Category: Front Page News

Published on Wednesday, 05 May 2021 21:15

Written by Absolute Blue

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Absolute Blue Floralizes

Unbeknownst to our Board of Directors, the Absolute Blue Horticultural Division has been conducting some questionable experiments in an effort to create a more disease resistant, yet high yield product. Unfortunately they used the grafting stock from my Father’s Mother’s farm, where containers of nuclear waste had been improperly stored. This gramma radiation proved to have altered the source DNA dramatically and this had unpredictable results. To the extent that their transportation team, Driving This Daisy, has verified cases where they have in fact become sentient. In one, the subject only responded to Hebrew and was later christened the first example of the Brissanthemum. In another, a plant started growing out of discarded chewing tobacco, which later became known as the Spittunia. A last desperate plan was quickly put together to put an end to this before they become self-aware, called Hail Marigold. Until then we are forced to recognize these genetic mutations, which include:

-A fragrant bush that responds favorably to Kenny G, the Smooth Jasmine.

-A purple flowering herbaceous species that reacts to Fox News called The Big Lilac.

-A Republican leaning variety known as Billy’s Lilies.

-A mildly hallucinogenic type of vegetation called the Euphorchid.

-An annual that unwittingly blooms even after all cellular activity has ceased, the ReinCarnation.

-A perennial amaryllis that inadvertently flowers with no petals, the Halfodil.

Make sure to join us this Saturday night at Mainstreet in downtown Melbourne from 6 to 10…

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