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Absolute Blue Invitation 8/06/21 - 8/07/21
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- Category: Front Page News
- Published on Wednesday, 04 August 2021 21:04
- Written by Absolute Blue
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Absolute Blue Olympicizes
Once again we found ourselves embroiled in nationalistic fervor over a global athletic competition. You have to agree, it’s absolutely awe inspiring to see a person eat so many hotdogs. But with the Nathan’s contest behind us, we are left with just the Olympics to look forward to. And even though our talents are obviously geared more toward eating competitions, we are still desperate to find a way that we can contribute and use our extensive physical and mental acuity to further dominate and show the obvious superiority of our beloved country and display our national pride. But after watching various events we can’t help but take exception to the commercialization of these games as evidenced in a certain insurance company sponsoring Gecko Roman wrestling. And Hallmark donating large sums for Sympathized Swimming. We also question the validity of women’s wrestling as from what I could see there was no trace of jello or mud. And we have formally lodged a complaint with the Olympic Operating Committee regarding the obviously distasteful Jewdo competition. Seems like with each time these games are hosted it goes from badminton to worse. Doesn’t matter if it’s track or field, this year there has been so much complaining there may as well be a cryathlon. So we have petitioned the governing body to make some much needed changes to the Olympic format, henceforth:
-Caught up in an unexpected religious zeal, Tom competed in the world’s first repentathlon, where he atoned for 31 sins, most of them deadly, in 17.6 seconds.
-Skip was stripped of top honors in Fencing, after he was found to have used a banned titanium alloy in his chain link.
-After much negotiation Bill was given the opportunity to create a new event for these games, which he named after a former girlfriend, the trampoline.
-Tired of horses getting the spotlight, Kevin proposed getting his new puppy involved in the new sport of collieball, along with all the other TaekwonDobermans.
-Don wanted to develop an event that would reflect his love for coffee so he had officials document his consumption of 7 sixteen ounce cups in 27.8 seconds in the very first decaflon.
Join us for good friends, great food, better times and some music at a very special public party Saturday at Amvets in Rockledge, off US1 on Hardee Lane, just north of Arby’s. Yes, that’s a landmark...