Absolute Blue Invitation 9/22/17 - 9/24/17

Absolute Blue Animizes

As we breathe a collectively sigh of relief, knowing we have literally weathered the storm with, for the most part, little damage, we tend to forget about our faithful friends without which life would be considerably less joyful. Those dogs and cats and birds and stinky ferrets that, during evacuations, were abandoned, got lost or simply took the opportunity to make a clean getaway. And while many shelters are currently at capacity the time is now to get the word out that these loving animals are in dire need of a loving home, a caring family or just a place to crash now and again. And while efforts are being made to communicate the extent of the issue, what we feel is missing is a more personalized approach. Which is why we took the time to get to know some of these personally and put together a detailed list of not only their names and species but their goals and motivations. Kind of like an interspecies  match.com. Behold the following sampling:

-Jimmy:  Dyslexic, Toy Dog: Thinks he’s God, but mostly just looking for someone willing to follow him and pick up his poop. But then again wouldn’t we all. Really puts the shit in Shih Tsu.

-Roger: Bipolar, Gold Breasted Macaw: Bilingual mute. Sociopath. Will wait years for the opportunity to take your index finger off at the knuckle.

-Sammy: Republican, Not so Great Dane: Great companion if you can keep him away from the remote, as he tends to favor Sean Hannity.

-Julia: Buddhist Siamese: Superficially soft and cuddly, but genetically unwilling or unable to put up with your shit.

-Kenny: Flat Earther, Pot Bellied Pig: The bad news: unruly, unhousebroken,  disobedient. The good news: first stages of bacon.

Joins us for a post hurricane hangover celebration at Keith’s Oyster Bar at Cocoa Beach Pier both Friday and Saturday from 6 to 10…

Then Sunday it’s Milliken’s at the Port from 2 to 7….

Absolute Blue Invitation 8/18/17 - 8/20/17

Absolute Blue Postivizes

We have long been exploring operant conditioning and from the very start realized that the Absolute Blue product was more than the sum of the 5 guys playing their instruments. In strict Gestalist theory this can be described many ways, but our recent emphasis has been on the Strength of Affirmative Pondering, as the Power of Positive Thinking was already taken. This has proven to have great theoretical implications, as evidenced in our most recent clinical trials which focused positive energy toward a common goal and saw us through a potentially devastating medical event, delayed nuclear war for at least another week and ensured a favorable Taylor Swift verdict. Our Marketing Division is already making plans to package and monetize the endeavor to make up for severely lagging third quarter revenue. But we have been advised by the FDA that we need at least one more round of testing that will include, in order of importance, the following initiatives:

-That partisan politics should be set aside for the greater good or our nation and hate should give way to tolerance.

-Getting lawmakers to agree on a comprehensive and affordable health care program.

-That the eclipse will not bring about a cataclysmic chain of events and ultimately the end of the world.

-That global warming turns out to be a myth, caused by a miscalculation when converting Fahrenheit to Celsius. Or Centigrade. Or Kelvin. Whatever.

-Ensuring Sharknado 6 never ever happens.

-Bringing back the McRib.

This weekend finds us at Grand and Grape Friday from 9 to 12. It’s beachside in beautiful downtown Vero Beach, on Bougainville, just off Ocean Blvd.

Saturday it’s a highly unusual afternoon at Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, from 4 to 8…

And wrapping things up is a Sunday afternoon at Millikens at the Port from 2 to 7…

Absolute Blue Invitation 8/04/17 - 8/05/17

Absolute Blue Personnelizes

It’s time to jump directly into the most recent political furor. No, not the firing of the Communications Director before even starting his job. Although you cannot deny the brilliance of that move. If we had been able to anticipate the antics of our existing members we would have a completely different lineup, guaranteed. No, we are speaking of the specific group born one way but desperately needing to be something else, kind of like Republicans. Call them transgendered, Francegendered or Rosencrantzgendered, our goal is to put together a strategy based on gender affiliation, orientation or identification that would apply to the entire Absolute Blue Inc. family, its many subsidiaries and those that support our unique brand of goods and services. A comprehensive plan that could be used as a model for other corporations or world governments. The only requirement is that you provide your own facilities, be it a Port-O-Let or bucket, depends.

-Transvestites accepted with strict limitations. Must be able to prove original gender and must be able to accessorize.

-Hermaphrodites, once ostracized for their inability to commit, are now approved due to Don’s unwavering support.

-Cross dressing is permissible if not encouraged, as is dressing as other religious symbols, such as a star or crescent. Swastikas need not apply.

-We should not forget about the polygamists, as not only the Sister Wives, but Brother Husbands as well are allowed. Please, no Uncle Daughters or Aunt Sons.

Join us this Friday in Sebastian as we take on the Tiki Bar from 7 to 11…

Then Saturday it’s Millikens at the Port from 5 to 10…