Absolute Blue Invitation 2/19/16 - 2/21/16

Absolute Blue Politifies

We are fed up. Fed up with the constant barrage of conflicting messages. Fed up with politics as usual. Fed up with being served a steaming pile of shiny crap. Trust me, we know what we’re talking about as Absolute Blue has been polishing turds for over 20 years. Years of planning and millions upon millions of dollars and this is the best the Big Two can do? Sure the debates start off strongly enough, with accusations, misrepresentations, innuendo and outright lies, but then quickly deteriorate into a bunch of words, a series of commas and an occasional period. It’s like a beauty pageant without the beauty and without the pageantry. At least at Wrestlemania they hit each other with chairs. It is because of this that the Absolute Blue Political Science and Pornography Evaluation Division has proposed a new set of political parties as the days of choosing ass or fat ass are obviously numbered. Please carefully review the following and let us know your preference. Your identity will remain anonymous unless you pick incorrectly:

-Denihilism: Maintains that life is without objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value, recognizes the perceived pointlessness of existence and that morality does not inherently exist. Then denies it.

-Exitstentialism: Believes that life is in fact a highway, although one should not drive it all night long.

-Tommunism: Of, for and pertaining to the thoughts, wishes and demands of Tom. Tom’s mom likes this one.

-Livertarianism: The belief that all internal organs are created equally. External perhaps not so.

-Trascism: A form of radical authoritarian nationalism. White Trascism would be a specific subset dealing with pickups, tobacco products and manufactured housing.

-Sudafederalism: A loosely configured organization where members are bound together by agreement or covenant, in this case relieving sinus pressure, pain and congestion related to the common cold.

Join us for the first full weekend of the year, starting with Tiki Bar in Sebastian Friday night from 7 to 11…

Saturday it’s back to Cocoa Beach Pier from 6 to 10…

And Sunday it’s our first SBI of the year, from 1 to 5…

Absolute Blue Invitation 2/12/16 - 2/13/16

Absolute Blue Attires

We have worked long and hard on our newest entry into our wardrobe line, designed to enlighten and confuse the wearer. It promises to be more successful than earlier ventures such as the support for women afraid of lifting and separating, the No Fear Brassiere or the underwear for female botanists, the Crape Myrtle Girdle. This time we will not make the mistake of having the horn dogs model them. It's based on the most American of attire, already in high demand worldwide. Elegantly casual or casually elegant it’s the mainstay of any closet, dresser or armoire. After squandering millions of taxpayer dollars on fantasy football, online poker and action figure collectables, we are proud to bring you the Absolute Blue Jean. Prominently featured in this line:

-Stinking of cheap gin and stale perfume it's the Carouser Trouser.

-Unable to fit right, stay up and terribly overpriced it's The Pant That Can't.

-Specifically designed for millennial or oughts, it’s so laid back you don't even have to wear them; the Slacker Slacks.

-A brand made of simulated snakeskin we call Venom Denim.

-Pre-worn by athletes you’ve never heard of it’s the Semi Pro’s Chinos.

-A pre soiled version that really puts the dung in dungarees.

Sorry about that last one, but you really should have seen it coming…

Only one Absolute Blue performance this week, Saturday at Millikens at the Port, from 5 to 10…

Absolute Blue Invitation 1/22/16 - 1/23/16

Absolute Blue Normalizes

For years and perhaps centuries musicians have faced the same frustrations. Inherent within our craft is the same limited nomenclature that has existed since the beginning of time or perhaps even before. Due to a number of factors which may but most probably have nothing to do with a lack of alphabetical development, complete absence of foresight or simple laziness, we have been relegated to work with the same inadequate naming convention to describe the music we produce. When originally creating this codification, we started off fine with the note now called ‘A’ but ran out of ideas soon after, then started repeating. Sure, any ‘A’ played has similarities, but can also differ greatly in tone and timbre. Just imagine if we did that with numbers, where sometimes 13 would mean 26 or even 39. Sure, your mortgage rate may go down but calculating sales tax would be a nightmare. So we at The Absolute Blue Research and Development Unit have proposed the following to clear this up once and for all:

-Adding a numeric value to the note to designate its octave. So that A1 would represent the lowest frequencies, registering only to whales and perhaps crocodiles, and A22 would be relegated to dogs and screech owls. The problem would be getting these animals to understand these designations, much less get them to write them down.

-Replacing the letter designation with a noun, which could even be used to define the loudness of the note, eliminating the existing French words that nobody really understands. So the Titanium or Magneto would be played loudly while oasis or cellar would indicate a soft execution of the note in question.

-Assigning a proper name, thereby making it more personal. This could even apply to more popular notes, which could be called Steve or Robert, while Malachi and Jedidiah would sit on the musical bench, alone and friendless.

-The most popular suggestion however is to attach Corporate sponsorship to each note, so that each time it is played the related company is compensated, with Absolute Blue Inc. receiving a sizable share. This has gone over well with our lawyers and may provide the answer to a sagging steel industry.

We scored a last minute gig at Malabar Mo's Friday from 7 to 11...

Then join us Saturday night at Monkey Bar in Indialantic, just south of Eau Gallie, across from Paradise Beach from 9 to 1…