Fan Access
Latest Buzz
No posts to display.
Absolute Blue Invitation 12/04/15 - 12/05/15
Absolute Blue Dishes
We are proud to announce that Kevin’s fish dip has finally given the accolades for which it has long been overdue. It has been chosen best fish dip by Hometown News. Once regarded only as a local delicacy, it is now known from Grant all the way to Valkaria. As a result, he has finally achieved his lifetime goal of bringing the world closer together through the use of cream cheese. The formula has been developed through much trial and error, mostly in southeastern courtrooms. And while the exact recipe is a closely guarded secret, we do know that the fish go through an extensive interview process before being selected. We apologize guys, only the best tasting kingfish get to be in Kevin’s fish dip. Not to be outdone the rest of the band has pulled together a series of ill-advised meals:
-Don created a Szechuan dish specifically marketed to Panda Express and was in distribution talks until they realized it was made out of actual pandas.
-Skip took another approach and compiled a list of his favorite country music inspired road kill recipes into a cookbook entitled On The Road Again.
-Tom takes organic to a whole new level with his special veal piccata, made exclusively from cows that have committed suicide. Unfortunately the high cost of emotionally unstable cattle is at an all time high so he has taken matters into his own hands and become a kind of Kattle Kevorkian.
-Bill has proposed a vegetarian line of products called Bein’ Vegan with liberal recipes developed over a Weekend at Bernie Sanders’. Yes, he puts the left in leftovers.
-And the entire band has put together some just desserts, including chocolate moose made by the Cocoa Elks, reinbow sherbet made with real reindeer and baked Alabama made with real Birming Ham.
Only one chance to catch The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love this weekend, Friday at Grind + Grape, on Ocean Blvd just south of 60 in Vero (772.231.5536)…
Absolute Blue Invitation 11/25/15 - 11/29/15
Absolute Blue Thanks
We would like to take this opportunity to give thanks for friends family and the opportunity to spend time with both. And jaeger…
This week we start things out with an unusual Wednesday night pre Thanksgiving party at Tracy’s from 9 to 1…
Then Friday it’s Cricket’s in Melbourne from 9 to 1…
And Saturday we return to Keith’s Oyster Bar at Cocoa Beach Pier from 6 to 10…
Absolute Blue Invitation 11/19/15 - 11/22/15
Absolute Blue Capitalizes
In an effort to become more fiscally responsible to our employees, Absolute Blue has implemented a series of new funds to ease our employee’s transition into retirement. These include a 402(m), a 400(jk), a 399(lol) and a 501(wtf) and follow the investment strategies of a highly regarded GOP Fiduciary think tank. Unfortunately these hedge funds invested in shrubbery, the large caps were exclusively oversized fedoras, the bonds were only James, our commodities were full of oddities, the arbitrage were garbitrage, the blue chips were flavored Pringles and the short sales were primarily to midgets. We needed a broker and that's exactly how we ended up. As a result we lost our entire $137.
Following that catastrophic loss, we have implemented an entirely new strategy, which we like to call Adopt-A-Dog. This allows you to sponsor the Horn Dog of your choice anonymously, eliminating the smell and potential injury incurred when actually confronting this proud and noble beast. And while you would not be able to take them home, unless you upgrade to the Conjugal Visit plan, your package will include a remarkably lifelike signed photo, a printed certificate designating you as the temporary conservator and periodic visitation rights. And while we are not technically a 503(c), a 506(c) or even a 36(dd) your donation is probably tax deductible, as long as you do not declare it. And for a low monthly payment you can choose to extend your sponsorship through senility or incontinence, depends. Makes a great stocking stuffer!
Another big weekend for The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love, starting with private party Thursday night, but then Friday we’re back to Keith’s Oyster Bar at Cocoa Beach Pier from 6 to 10 Friday…
Saturday it’s back to downtown Melbourne at Matt’s from 6:30 to 9:30…
And finally a big Sunday at Milliken’s at the Port from 2 to 7….
Absolute Blue Invitation 11/13/15 - 11/15/15
Absolute Blue Costumizes
First of all we would like to apologize for the lack of last week's notification. Turns out this daylight savings thing is really throwing us for a loop. We spent most of last week asleep, comatose or hypnotized, which would explain a lot. Rest assured that we have reset all the clocks save for the blinking display on the Blue Ray player cause we can't find the remote or the Manuel. Which is not racist, he's just the only one that knows how it works. At least we were not late for Halloween. And speaking of which, we did not happen upon our Wizard of Oz costumes by chance. It was a carefully informed decision as we are in fact equal parts brainless, heartless and gutless. But there were other concepts considered as well:
-Don't Ask Don't Teletubbies. Sure, it could just be the Purple one, but can we be sure?
-Then we wanted to see who could dress like a Kardashian the fastest but that turned into a drag race.
-We wanted to come as Republican Presidential Candidates but that idea got Trumped. Ha.
-Dressing as five mauled midwestern dentists in a conceptual piece called Cecil's Revenge.
-Our sub atomic particle costume idea broke down as everyone wanted to be bosons and not neutrinos.
-We wanted to be beach bums crusading for women’s rights, or Surfergettes, but turns out they already can vote. Women, not beach bums.
-Then we were all set to be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles until Kevin came down with Reptile Dysfunction.
Join us for a full weekend beginning at Malabar Mo’s Friday from 7 to 11…
Then Saturday it’s back to Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…
And then it’s the last SBI of the year Sunday, 1 to 5…
Upcoming Events
| No events |