Absolute Blue Invitation 10/23/15 - 10/24/15

Absolute Blue Sonnetizes

Twas the night ‘fore All Hallows and all through the bar

The horn dogs weren’t drinking, like the usually are

Then Tom and Skip noticed, their glasses weren’t full

In fact they were empty. They said, “This is Bull!”

We have no Coronas, we have no Tsing Tao

We’re all out of Coors, Stroh’s and old Lowenbrau

We drank all the Millers, the Molson I guess

We even choked down all the Milwaukee’s Best

We hollered for Bill, we said “Please help us now!

We can’t find the beers here, can you show us how?”

He smiled and he told us, “If you stop your bitchin,

I’ll show you the beers”, and then points to the kitchen

Muttering something I might tell you later

I opened the door of the refrigerator

There ‘fore my cold bloodshot eyes did appear

Bottles and bottles and cans full of beer

There were stouts, there were ales

There were brews of all kinds

And cans of Budweiser, without or with lime

I saw some old Keystones, some Genuine Draft

And even some bottles of beers that were craft

Heinekens, Dos Equis, Coors that were new

They even had some of that Red White and Blue

We yelled and cheered Billy, he saved Halloween

As we looked at more beers than we’ve ever seen

We hope that this serves as a strong metaphor

You find what you look for and then so much more…

Find us at Squid Lips in Melbourne this Friday from, 7 to 11…

Then Saturday at Millikens, Portside, from 5 to 10…

Absolute Blue Invitation 10/16/15 - 10/18/15

Absolute Blue Tarheeled

This week we celebrate the glorious birthplace of Skip. Many fail to realize that present day North Carolina was formed during the Carolinian War which was waged for probably around 300 years, fought with wads of paper and beer cans. Which meant that preparing for war required consumption of large quantities of Old Milwaukee Light, prompting this to become one of the funnest wars ever. It began with the communist North invading the predominantly presbyterian South, then ended when no one could remember what started the whole thing and a drunken line was drawn designating the delineation between the two geographically diverse regions. South Carolina may claim South of the Border as its crowning cultural achievement, but it is North Carolina that has given us icons Barney Fife and Barney the Dinosaur. It is where the Wright Brothers created the first pen. North Carolina is also the leading producer of rednecks. Contrary to popular belief, it is not the birthplace of racism, although it did spend its formative years and may have summered there. It is also the birthplace of the toothbrush, course if it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush. Their unusual speech patterns are based upon an outdated compensation system where people were paid by the syllable. Among the examples:

Tainted: That which is not Edward.

Retard: If you become sleepy again.

Bayer Aspirin: Treatment for a grizzly headache.

Odd Ear: A hillbilly thought, concept or notion.

Dubawad: Pertaining to a specific type of manufactured home or perhaps the girth of the occupants.

Prom Tom: No, it’s not our bass player dressed for a formal, it’s when we watch Dancing With The Stars.

Come find out more about this state that we inevitably make up this Friday at Tiki Bar in Sebastian, on Indian River Blvd just south of Main Street…

The Saturday it’s Malabar Mo’s from 6 to 10…

And Sunday find us at Sebastian Beach Inn from 1 to 5…

Absolute Blue Invitation 10/09/15 - 10/10/15

Absolute Blue Genderizes

We remember a simpler time. When the choices were few. Betty or Veronica. Ginger or Mary Ann. Democrat or Republican. Scotch or Bourbon. Coffee or Tea. When we had 3 channels. That required significant effort to change. On a more personal note, we had heterosexual and homosexual. Then they went and invented bisexual, which we thought just meant it went away. Just when we were getting comfortable with that there comes a whole array of alternatives, surely designed for the single purpose of confusing us. Rather than just guess, which has caused us numerous problems and threats of litigation, we have designed the following guide to aid in averting any awkward confrontations or international incidents. Please remember that Absolute Blue Inc or any of its many affiliates cannot be held responsible for the imprudent use of the below or any actionable position you may find yourself in due to the dissemination of said information:

Disengendered: The removal of genderism, replaced by nationalism, socialism or nihilism.

Regendered: The practical application of gendering at repeated intervals.

Undergendered: Could be related to a lower threshold of gender or simply pertaining to the area of genderfication.

Autogendered: Based solely on Chevy/Ford preference and administered by assembly line. Popular in Detroit and surrounding areas.

Antigendered: Primarily political in nature, the basic concept is that whatever you currently are is wrong. Popular with Conservationists, Dance Instructors and Donald Trump.

Semigendered: For those with commitment issues.

Bruce Gendered: Just Caitlynn. For now.

This weekend we take the Cocoa Beach Pier by storm with performances at Keith’s Oyster bar Friday and Saturday from 6 to 10…

THIS JUST IN: Halloween party at Matt’s Casbah, downtown Melbourne, open to all, 8-11…