Absolute Blue Invitation 2/05/15 - 2/15/15v

Absolute Blue Economizes

Our shareholders, this time both of them, have demanded immediate budget cuts to offset short term investment losses. Turns out we had our money on Seattle, that toenail fungus commercial and right shark, all of which performed miserably. So to begin with, in an effort to save on paper we will be combining invitations for multiple weeks. This also reduces licensing costs on the total number of either incontinent references or fart jokes, depends. In additional, our customer service call center is being relocated from Cleveland to Karachi, where ‘Jimmy’ will try unconvincingly to tell you of his Irish ancestry and that time he worked at Applebee’s. And to save on stamps, Don will be delivering a copy of this directly to your door. But don’t worry, this time he promises to knock first. We have even put Tom on eBay under the Slightly Used Musicians, Jugglers and Unicyclists category. But even during these hard times, please note the number of new venues we bring you as well as new songs we have added. So from Beatles to Eagles, from Tom Petty to Richard Petty there’s something for everyone to enjoy or at least tolerate…

We start our intercounty tour off with a highly unusual Thursday night, 2/05, from 8 to 12 at Tracey’s Lounge in Suntree. It’s a brand new club with an intimate atmosphere and can be found next to Michael’s Liquor, 1.5 miles north of Pineda on Wickham…

Then Friday, 2/06, from 7 to 11 it’s a return to the seen of the crime at Squid Lips in Melbourne…

And, wait for it (cause we sure did), it’s our long anticipated debut at Earl’s Hideaway in Sebastian Saturday, 2/07, from 8:30 to 12:30. It’s on Indian River Drive, just north of Main Street…

And we round out the weekend with an afternoon at Milliken’s Reef at the Port on Sunday, 2/08, from 2 to 7…

We start in again on Friday, 2/13, at the Tiki bar in Sebastian from 7 to 11. It’s on Indian River Blvd just south of Main Street…

Valentine’s Day we tend to a private party, but Sunday, 2/15, we start our monthly SBI appearances from 2 to 6, rain or shine…

Just kidding. We really don’t know any Richard Petty…

Absolute Blue Invitation 1/30/14 - 1/31/14

Absolute Blue Rambles

Hey, y’all! Thanks for stopping by. We’ve got a lot to cover so let’s get going.

In sports news, the Deflategate debate still rages. Our official stance is that 2 less psi makes the football easier to grip, however chances are that at some point during the game both teams are gripping it so let’s get on over this one shall we.

And fortunately we prepared for the big sou’easter that has already devastated tee times from Ft Myers to Punta Gorda, just cause we like to say Punta. In its wake lawn chairs remain toppled and many garden gnomes remain missing and presumed broken, or at least chipped. And we have officially named this Super Duper Storm Candi, after a former exotic dancer that is now a cashier at Publix, whose lines are longer than anyone else’s. This may or may not be a metaphor.

Speaking of money, now with crude prices now eclipsing Mountain Dew Baja Blast, we have green lit the latest in the Absolute Blue product line. Tired of your digital devices losing power and the constant hassle of recharging and clumsy cords? Come out of the lithium age and try the Absolute Blue gas powered smart phone. Fumes and travel restrictions aside, it’s the perfect Valentine’s, Arbor Day or Yum Kippur gift.

We also would like to address the lack of diversity surrounding the recent nominations. We stand behind Brevard Live and feel strongly the non-Catholics will rebound next year when Episcopalians, Methodists and Druids will be fully represented at the Music Awards.

In other news Bruce Jenner may still be a man.

Join us for an epicurean Friday night at Shady Oaks in Palm Bay, at the southwest corner of Babcock and Malabar…

Then Saturday, barring any subsequent injunction, we will be at Coconuts from 7 to 11…

Absolute Blue Invitation 1/02/14 - 1/03/14

Absolute Blue’s Annualization

It’s that time of year again, when we reflect upon the progress made this year, evaluate objectives, review goals, assess performance then weep silently as we prepare for our annual shareholders meeting, where we undoubtedly will have a lot of splainin to do. To be sure, some goals remain unfulfilled, but this is by design for if all our goals are met we would have nothing else to live for and would most probably need to be put down. And while operationally we have accomplished much, many strategic initiatives lie dormant and largely ignored, like much of our music. And we have completed steps one and two of the plan outlined in Global Domination for Dummies, which consist of buying the book and opening it. Unfortunately we have made significant investments in infrastructure repurposing that make about as much sense as ordering takeout from Hooters. Some of the other highlights from the annual report:

-While trips to the ER are down dramatically, urgent care visits are up significantly and fungal infections still run rampant.

-Operating revenue and cash outflow are flat, like most of the notes played last year.

-We did not become, nor did we dance with, stars.

-Our international fan club expansion initiative was limited to a single elderly Western European woman known as the Albanian Octogenarian.

-We learned 3 new songs and 5 new jokes in 2014, both new records.

-We have made frequent and generous donations to the Global Methane Project.

-Our planned revenue stream for used body parts did not come to fruition after we were told that human livers cannot be shared, which severely affecting our bottom line.

Should we survive New Year’s Eve, please join us for a disjointed Friday night at the Monkey Bar in Indialantic, across from Paradise Beach, from 9 to 1…

And if not that, or because of that, meet us Saturday at the Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, again from 9 to 1…