Absolute Blue Invitation 4/17/15 - 4/18/15

Absolute Blue Acquires

It lay before them neglected and forgotten, like some unfinished business from long ago, but one thing’s for sure. It had nowhere else to go.

“It’s scary”, said Tom.

“It smells funny”, reported Kevin.

“Come on you guys”, explained Skip, “We need to do this to keep from becoming old and irrelevant”.

“But I like being old”, replied Bill.

“And I like being irreverent” added Don, when he thought it was his turn to talk.

“Don’t think of it as doing something for ourselves, do it for our family. Do it for our friends”, said Skip.

They all mulled this over, then thought about it a bit when the mulling was over.

“But what if it’s the wrong color?”

“Or the wrong size?”, Don added as a thought came to mind, then disappeared just a quickly.

“But that’s not really-“

“For the pets”, said Kevin, just to see what it would sound like.

Each nodded in their own peculiar way.

“For Lieutenant Dan. For all the dogs”.

They took turns glaring at it, with Kevin taking more than his share and it tried to glare back but it had no eyes. It was a song.

“We could learn it, then if it hurts we could forget it real fast”, suggested Tom.

They nodded again, together this time but individually had no idea what the hell he was talking about.

“Yes”, said Skip quietly. “We’ll do it. For Lieutenant Dan.”

Come hear all Dan’s new favorite songs at our only public performance this Sunday at SBI from 1 to 5…

And make plans now for our benefit next Sunday, 4/26, at the VFW 4206 on Diary Road in Melbourne from 4:30 – 6:30. Suggested donation is $3 and goes to the building fund that adds new facilities for handicapped vets. So come on out and make a difference to those men and women, sons and daughters, mothers and fathers who’ve served…

Absolute Blue Invitation 4/10/15 - 4/11/15

Absolute Blue Liquidates

So another holiday has passed us by, making it a total of 5 mythological figures that have not made good on their promises of candy, presents or affordable health care. But if we are the good Republicans that Billy says we are, we will stop waiting for a government handout and get to work finding someone to sue. In the meantime we turn to the many riches promised to us by the internet, mostly in tens and twenties. And as we wait for Don’s kitten video to go viral, sure to bring us thousands from cat lovers and Don lovers, for Kevin’s cloud sourcing project, which should bring in donations from all types, from altocumulus to jackbenimbus, or for that former Ugandan prince rat bastard to come through, we search in desperation for another revenue stream to keep us in Old Milwaukee Light and Slim Jims. So we are left with no other choice than to place a few of our unwanted or unused items on eBay, like some sad global swap meet. Among our initial offerings:

-Skip’s drawl: Ever wanted to capture that lilting vocal resonance, along with the slow, deliberate North Carolina articulation that people find adorable? Me neither but still it makes a great stocking stuffer for that paroled uncle or reclusive aunt. Buy it now for $25.

-Don’s ‘Hair of the Dog’: Literally, a lock of the trumpet player’s hair, suitable for DNA testing or framing (buyer assumes all responsibilities for parasitic, psoriatic or ebolic implications of purchasing, handling or consuming this product). Eligible for expedited shipping.

-Billy’s Refreshing Candor: Not available in candor-free zones such as parts of Puerto Rico and Washington DC. Place your winning bid before midnight tonight and receive a free gift: Bill’s metronome, still in the box. Will consider trade for Bill O’Reilly collectibles. No returns.

-Kevin’s Punctuality: Actually missing since the late 1980’s and presumed really, really, really late. This hypothetical item comes with certificate of authenticity signed by all other members of the band. Minimum bid $20.

-Tom’s Sense of Humor: Rarely, if ever, used and staggeringly impractical. Bidding starts at $10. Shipping, handling and a kick in the ass included.

Join us Friday night from 7 to 11 at Squid Lips in Melbourne…

Then Saturday night, again from 7 to 11, it’s the Tiki Bar in Sebastian, just south of Main Street on Indian River Drive…

Absolute Blue Invitation 4/03/15 - 4/04/15

Absolute Blue Concessions

After years of setbacks, false starts and bloodshed, we introduce to you the Absolute Blue Food Truck. What started with a simple cigarette lighter and a 7-11 burrito has now expanded to occupy most of the back seat of Billy’s pickup. We have worked with nutritionists, veterinarians and the occasional plumber to create a special menu that is sure to please or at least hospitalize. From recipes handed down from generation to generation, mostly with protective clothing, this is the first time that someone has dared to combine the sometimes volatile components into one cohesive dining experience. Prices vary on the availability of ingredients such as the amount and variety of roadkill. What could be better during an Absolute Blue performance than indulging in a meal prepared in a combination portable kitchen/meth lab. So don’t settle for an awful waffle, a terribole casserole or the Worstcestershire. Come sample our dinner menu, where we take the dullinary out of culinary:

-Dondue: Or more appropriately, Dondon’t. Heated in an effort to prevent congealing and to destroy most contaminates. Made from lard, with lard, cooked in lard with a lard garnish. Has the nutritional equivalent of potting soil. Proof of insurance required.

-Tom8Oh! Paste: Not so much a condiment as a construction compound, it can be used as spackling. Not to be taken for granted. Or internally, for that matter. Think of it as duct tape for your soul.

-Kevinchiladas: Handmade by Jose or Hose B, it’s sure to stick to your ribs. And many internal organs as well. Baked with arrogance, one way or the other you’ll have a hard time hanging on to this dish. Not for the faint hearted, literally as this substance has the highest known percent of transglutimized fat, which we most probably just invented.

-Billafel: A subterranean Mediterranean delight made with the dumbest of hummus. Mostly nontoxic, it’s easily the safest option on our value menu. Think of it as egg foo yung. Without the egg. Or the foo. And much older.

-Skipperdoodles: The lone confection in our value menu, known for its coma inducing caloric content and is chock full of rootin’ tootin’ gluten. Sure it’s still waiting for FDA approval, but so are corn dogs.

Coming soon: A selection of fine wines straight from the radiator…

Join us for the only public performance this week, Sunday afternoon at Millikens Reef at the Port from 2 to 7…