Absolute Blue Invitation 8/10/12 - 8/11/12

Absolute Blue Acts Up

The Worst Band You'll Ever Love has accepted in principle an offer to star in a low budget reboot of a successful film franchise and have already begun thesbian lessons, which Bill was very excited about at first, as well as calisthenics and yoga to prepare for our respective roles. Entitled The Extendables, it takes place in the near future when culinary arts have replaced warfare on the battlefield. With Gordon Ramsey as our Commander in Chief, along with his lieutenant, Emeril Lagasse. Our story unfolds with a maniacal terrorist bent on world domination or at least monopolizing the local food court. Faced with untold devastation, fear leads to panic, then more fear and finally more panicking. Summoned from retirement, five specialists are called upon to keep the kitchen safe for all mankind. The team:

Kevin: Chip 'Blade' Blatarsky: Master of knives, able to spread oleomargarine at breakneck speed, smoothly and evenly.

Don: Dutch 'Pepper' Murray: Saucier of supreme talent. Able to incapacitate enemy forces with his habanero au jus.

Bill: Dillon 'Screamin' Hawkins: Extreme baker, using potentially lethal combination of flour and C4 in his cupcakes.

Tom: Poncho 'Lefty' Johnson: Aka Souperman, adept at broth making, including a jumbo gumbo and louder chowder. Beware his risque bisque.

Skip: Mac 'Encheze' Gonzalez: Spice connoisseur, able to kill with ten seasonings or less.

Watch as they batter and souffle their way behind enemy lines, then kick some asiago. For the epicurious, it goes on for hollandaise and nights, with such catch phrases as 'I'll Tarnish Your Garnish' and 'Go Ahead, Make My Puree'...

With all that over, we can get back to the business at hand, which begins this Friday at Lou's Blues from 9:30 to 1:30...

Then Saturday it's The Old Fish House at the Treasure Coast Marina in downtown Grant from 6 to 10...  

Absolute Blue Invitation 8/05/12 - 8/05/12

Absolute Blue Goes Olympical

After a series of questionable and possibly extraditable circumstances, Absolute Blue obtained tickets to the London Olympics and has spent many months learning the simple nuances of the British language. They have fish and chips, we have Long John Silver’s. There, soccer is football and football is, well, nonexistent. We have taken extensive courses including Rosetta Stone, Blarney Stone and Stone The Crows and can now tell a twit from a wanker, your arse from your elbow; we can go the full Monty or wear knickers. We can call someone a cheeky nancy-boy for telling your mum to bugger off. Bloody hell, we can even get pissed with our mates, play snooker and chat up some birds for a fort night. Bob's your uncle (actually, he's my dad). Just make sure you don't put another shrimp on the barbie. All went well with the trip, however attending the games themselves was a bit of a letdown. Towit:
 

Don was disappointed with the Women’s 100M Breast, but at least left the event with his pocketful of pound notes intact.

Kevin thought the Decathlon was a coffee drinking contest.

Skip parked his car at the pool before he put his glasses on and realized it was Synchronized Diving.

Bill thought the Biathlon was a series of Jenna Jamison films.

Tom wanted to attend the Parallel Bars until he found out that this did not refer to pubs across the street from each other.

So we left the country, at their request, a little smarter, a little more worldly, with both a renewed sense of patriotism and a healthy dose of respect for the athletes. As well as a possible tapeworm...

Friday marks our return to Siggy's in Palm Bay, just west of 95 on Malabar Road (in Interchange Square) from 9 to 1... 

And Sunday it's back to Coconuts in Cocoa Beach from 2 to 6...

Absolute Blue Invitation 7/27/12 - 7/29/12

Absolute Blue's Pledge

It has come to our attention that our dedication to the core product is not as it should be. Skip has been seen philandering with Stoney, the Horn Dogs have been stepping out with the Lost River Gang and God only knows what Tom and Chris Long are up to. Therefore, we have put together a "statement of purpose" designed to strengthen these ties, bolster confidence within the organization and put an end to the divisionism that threatens the stability of the already fragile infrastructure of the institution that is The Worst Band You'll Ever Love. One by one each will be inducted during a formal ceremony during which they will be coerced into repeating the following, under threat of revocation of alcohol rights:

I pledge allegiance to the band
Which the five delegates make unbearable.
And to the repugnance for which it stands,
One creation, under Tom
With invisible, deliberate injustice for all.

Each member will sign this in blood or red crayon and a copy will be stored in the Absolute Blue archives at Corporate Headquarters. And to make it super official it will be posted on Facebook and Twittered repeatedly...

Friday we're back at The Bamboo at Seabreeze Steakhouse (formerly Foreman's Steakhouse) in Satellite Beach from 6 to 10...

Saturday it's The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10 as well...

Then Sunday we're at Sebastian Beach Inn, rain or shine, from 2 to 6...