Absolute Blue Invitation 8/05/12 - 8/05/12

Absolute Blue Goes Olympical

After a series of questionable and possibly extraditable circumstances, Absolute Blue obtained tickets to the London Olympics and has spent many months learning the simple nuances of the British language. They have fish and chips, we have Long John Silver’s. There, soccer is football and football is, well, nonexistent. We have taken extensive courses including Rosetta Stone, Blarney Stone and Stone The Crows and can now tell a twit from a wanker, your arse from your elbow; we can go the full Monty or wear knickers. We can call someone a cheeky nancy-boy for telling your mum to bugger off. Bloody hell, we can even get pissed with our mates, play snooker and chat up some birds for a fort night. Bob's your uncle (actually, he's my dad). Just make sure you don't put another shrimp on the barbie. All went well with the trip, however attending the games themselves was a bit of a letdown. Towit:
 

Don was disappointed with the Women’s 100M Breast, but at least left the event with his pocketful of pound notes intact.

Kevin thought the Decathlon was a coffee drinking contest.

Skip parked his car at the pool before he put his glasses on and realized it was Synchronized Diving.

Bill thought the Biathlon was a series of Jenna Jamison films.

Tom wanted to attend the Parallel Bars until he found out that this did not refer to pubs across the street from each other.

So we left the country, at their request, a little smarter, a little more worldly, with both a renewed sense of patriotism and a healthy dose of respect for the athletes. As well as a possible tapeworm...

Friday marks our return to Siggy's in Palm Bay, just west of 95 on Malabar Road (in Interchange Square) from 9 to 1... 

And Sunday it's back to Coconuts in Cocoa Beach from 2 to 6...

Absolute Blue Invitation 7/27/12 - 7/29/12

Absolute Blue's Pledge

It has come to our attention that our dedication to the core product is not as it should be. Skip has been seen philandering with Stoney, the Horn Dogs have been stepping out with the Lost River Gang and God only knows what Tom and Chris Long are up to. Therefore, we have put together a "statement of purpose" designed to strengthen these ties, bolster confidence within the organization and put an end to the divisionism that threatens the stability of the already fragile infrastructure of the institution that is The Worst Band You'll Ever Love. One by one each will be inducted during a formal ceremony during which they will be coerced into repeating the following, under threat of revocation of alcohol rights:

I pledge allegiance to the band
Which the five delegates make unbearable.
And to the repugnance for which it stands,
One creation, under Tom
With invisible, deliberate injustice for all.

Each member will sign this in blood or red crayon and a copy will be stored in the Absolute Blue archives at Corporate Headquarters. And to make it super official it will be posted on Facebook and Twittered repeatedly...

Friday we're back at The Bamboo at Seabreeze Steakhouse (formerly Foreman's Steakhouse) in Satellite Beach from 6 to 10...

Saturday it's The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10 as well...

Then Sunday we're at Sebastian Beach Inn, rain or shine, from 2 to 6...

Absolute Blue Invitation 7/20/12 - 7/21/12

Absolute Blue Talks Boat Safety

It’s that time of year when we see an influx of boats upon our plethora of waterways. Since we at Absolute Blue are concerned about your well-being, we have put together, after considerable research, some guidelines to ensure you a safe wet summer. You may not know it but boating accidents cause more injuries than kitchen utensils, pinochle and llamas combined. For instance it is always important to know which way you are turning, whether you are in starboard or in port, one being green, the other red. Always carry some type of navigation device such as GPS, compass or sextant. Be careful when fueling and always carry a spill kit containing absorbent pads, socks or feminine hygiene products. As soon as you board your vessel, familiarize yourself with all safety equipment such as coast guard approved fire extinguisher, signaling mirror or semaphore flags. Also, please take note of the below. Many of these can also be applied to the pool or the tub...

Always have a working knowledge of the fish you may encounter. Many will bite, sting or defraud you.
Emergency flares should not be used for roasting chicken or lighting cigarettes.
Remember, your captain can be used as a flotation device. Unless you're the captain.
When confronting a shark do not panic as they can smell fear. And apathy.
Always remember to bring Lifesavers. Jujubes are good too.
Obey all posted speed limits and most unposted ones. Remember the manatee you save today could be your entrée tomorrow.

And remember, safe boating is not just a good idea, it’s probably the law...

This weekend The Worst Band You'll Ever Love returns to Coconuts Friday from 7 to 11...

Then it's Squid Lips Saturday 7 to 11...