Absolute Blue Invitation 10/05/12 - 10/06/12

Absolute Blue's GPS

Actual recording of Kevin's budget priced voice activated GPS:

Hello and what should I call you today?
It’s me, dumbass.
Where would you like to go today Smee Dumass?
Courthouse.
Fines or incarceration?
Umm…fines.
Smee Dumass, pull out of the driveway.
I know.
Then proceed down the street to the next road.
Yeah, ok..
You’re going too fast Smee Dumass.
No I’m not.
Don’t miss your turn.
I won’t.
(pause)Do you wish you were talking to that slut Siri?
Uh…no
You know she’ll talk to anyone.
No…you’re doing fine.(long pause) Well, I think we’re...
DO YOU THINK WE’RE DONE HERE??
I guess I could sit for a while…
 

He took a cab home.

You may not need directions but make sure to take advantage of all Absolute Blue has to offer this weekend as we take next weekend off...

Friday night we're at Squid Lips from 7 to 11...

And Saturday it's back to the Old Fish House at the Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10...

Absolute Blue Invitation 9/28/12 - 9/30/12

Absolute Blue Minutes

Sept 26, 2012

Pursuant to Public Notice, Chair Tom Willett convened a regularly meeting of the Absolute Blue Board on Tuesday, Sept 25, 2012 in Billy’s living room. All members were present.

Agenda item ABI #17-12: Revocation of Band Policy 11.3.32(b): No band performance shall take place with 1000 yards of an adult entertainment establishment. ACTION: Move to revoke said policy, seconded and voted unanimously. No discussion.

Agenda item ABI #17-13: Individual Veto Power should be limited to 3 songs per night. ACTION: Move to extend individual veto power to 4, pending unforeseen circumstances and/or jaeger shots. Seconded and considerable debate on Jack vs Jaeger. Motion passed unnoticed.

Report from Beautification Committee: Recommend that no shirt should have more than sixteen different examples of no more than three clearly identified floral species. Also recommended that shorts be banned from all performances except for Don, because he has the legs for it.

Report from Redevelopment Committee: Our application to be the Official Band of the First Zombie Apocalypse has been denied. Apparently Justin Bieber beat us to it. Positions for subsequent Zombie Apocalypses are available, however that will require application resubmission and substantial licensing fees.

All recommendations have been tabled until sobriety.

Meeting was adjourned after several beers.

Respectfully submitted into the Absolute Blue Archives, September 26th, 2012.

Join us for an early evening this Friday from 6 to 9 at The Avenue in Viera. We play at the Central Park, conveniently located behind World Of Beers...

Saturday we are off but join us for the last Sunday of the year at SBI from 2:30 to 6:30...

Absolute Blue Invitation 9/21/12 - 9/22/12

Absolute Blue Gets Rescued

Taking a cue from the recent slate of reality shows where a failing bar or restaurant brings in a consultant to identify deficiencies, modify operations and ultimately increase profitability, The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love has decided to get in on the act. We have signed on for the inaugural episode of 'Band Rescue' and have forwarded a substantial ‘Creative License Fee’ to a dimly lit repository on the wrong side of the tracks. Our initial meeting will certainly be confrontational but we are all excited to hear how we can improve our product. The game plan is to meet with the consultant, then bring in a team of specialists to assist in the implementation of these required changes. These can be as simple as a change in lipstick color or a complete revamp of the band’s lineup. After our initial consultation we have been tasked with the following items:

After an analysis of the local market, include songs that appeal to each demographic niche.

In an effort to increase market share, revise band attire to represent a more professional appearance.

Refrain from banter of a political, religious or sexual nature, thereby improving potential marketability.

Restructure the band’s physical positioning to make the product more visually appealing.

Modify our song list to broaden our appeal to currently untapped markets, such as Libertarians, the homeless and pets.

He also suggested reducing the intake of beer during the performance.

We sent him home.

This Friday we return to the Tiki Bar in Sebastian, just south of Main Street on the river from 7 to 11...

Then Saturday it's back to The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10...