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Absolute Blue Invitation 8/31/12 - 9/03/12
Absolute Blue Convenes
Now that Tampa has received a much needed scrubbing from Isaac, the RNC can continue without much further ado. What you may not know is that The Worst Band You'll Ever Love played a pivotal role in preparing for the festivities. Under cover of night, working with local, state and local plumbers #107 we have proudly performed our partisan duties with little regard for party affiliation, religious preference or sexual orientation. For example:
Kevin worked with Tampa hookers to standardize rate, streamline workflow and scheduling in a series of hands on work sessions.
Tom procured a system of distribution points for the newly developed Ann Romney love doll, filling a critical niche market need.
Don actually joined the convention late after years of mistakenly supporting what he thought was Odonacare.
Unfortunately Skip was asked to leave the convention after referring to Mitt as Mormonic on several occasions.
Bill's efforts also led to some confusion after his keynote speech noted the effects of Roe v Spayed, clearly confusion women and animal rights issues...
In any case, it's the biggest weekend of the year, with four opportunities to partake in the superficially pedestrian capriciousness of Absolute Blue...
Friday evening finds us at the Avenue in Viera from 6 to 9...
Saturday we return to Squid Lips from 7 to 11...
Sunday it's a pre-holiday party at Coconuts from 2 to 6...
And we wrap things up with a big Labor Day extravaganza at Kristin's River House in Grant Monday from 2 to 6. You can find Kristin's on US1 riverside, just south of 1st Street. See you there...
Absolute Blue Invitation 8/24/12 - 8/25/12
Absolute Blue Gives It Away
It’s that time of year again where we pause to recognize those local musicians that have inspired, perspired or conspired. Yes, it’s the Brevard Live Music Awards, which always serves to entertain, motivate or otherwise stimulate us. Unfortunately, The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love won the inaugural version of these awards and has been banned from competition (coincidentally jaeger is no longer served during the ceremonies), but once again Chris Long will be emceeing the evening with Tom participating in the house band and Bill giving away an award, so Absolute Blue will be well represented during the festivities. Special guest is none other than Les Dudek and featured performers are Sybil Gage, Jessica Ottway, Simone and Jeff Stanton. Tickets are only $10 and available at the door. This year the venue changes back to the Henegar Center in downtown Melbourne on Monday, August 27 from 6 to 9. You don’t want to miss it!
This Friday finds us at the Bamboo Lounge at Seabreeze Steakhouse in Satellite Beach from 6 to 10 for our only beachside performance this weekend…
Then Saturday it’s back to The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10…
And make plans now for our first annual Labor Day Party from 2 to 6 at our newest venue, Kristin’s River House in Grant. It’s located just south of 1st Street in the greater metropolitan area of downtown Grant on US1…
Absolute Blue Invitation 8/17/12 - 8/19/12
Absolute Blue Goes Municipal
Though a series of clandestine payments, covert meetings and blatant ass kissing, The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love has solidified their legacy by securing naming rights to a number of local community structures and edifices, thereby strengthening their marketing efforts and continuing their branding strategy. This follows a number of failed marketing attempts, including designing Absolute Blue toilet paper, promoting home surgery kits and introducing our own line of designer kittens. These led to inquiries from so called ‘lawyers' and a concerned public as well as multiple ASPCA allegations. But this new initiative looks forward to the future, when we will undoubtedly see the Husqvarna Intracoastal Waterway, the Palmolive intersection of 520 and US1, or more ironically, Budweiser presents I95. Our efforts to date have seen the following:
Kevin’s Krapper: Third stall from the left, Men’s room, Paradise Beach Park.
Bill’s Beach: Between Cassia and Ocean Spray. Water not included (clothing mandatory).
Skip’s Sign: Corner of A1A and Eau Gallie. Says Stop.
Tom’s Table: Hightower Park, third Picnic bench along. Clearly non hygienic.
Don’s Drive: The 600 block of University (not endorsed by the Prostitutes Local #518).
This obviously sets the standard for other bands to follow, although we are working hard to patent this idea as well as others, some our own, in yet another step towards our ultimate goal of global domination…
A full weekend starts with a Friday night at Suzi’s Tiki bar in Sebastian, just south of Main Street from 6 to 10…
Saturday it’s a private party, but Sunday we’re back at Sebastian Beach Inn this time from 2:30 to 6:30…
Absolute Blue Invitation 8/10/12 - 8/11/12
Absolute Blue Acts Up
The Worst Band You'll Ever Love has accepted in principle an offer to star in a low budget reboot of a successful film franchise and have already begun thesbian lessons, which Bill was very excited about at first, as well as calisthenics and yoga to prepare for our respective roles. Entitled The Extendables, it takes place in the near future when culinary arts have replaced warfare on the battlefield. With Gordon Ramsey as our Commander in Chief, along with his lieutenant, Emeril Lagasse. Our story unfolds with a maniacal terrorist bent on world domination or at least monopolizing the local food court. Faced with untold devastation, fear leads to panic, then more fear and finally more panicking. Summoned from retirement, five specialists are called upon to keep the kitchen safe for all mankind. The team:
Kevin: Chip 'Blade' Blatarsky: Master of knives, able to spread oleomargarine at breakneck speed, smoothly and evenly.
Don: Dutch 'Pepper' Murray: Saucier of supreme talent. Able to incapacitate enemy forces with his habanero au jus.
Bill: Dillon 'Screamin' Hawkins: Extreme baker, using potentially lethal combination of flour and C4 in his cupcakes.
Tom: Poncho 'Lefty' Johnson: Aka Souperman, adept at broth making, including a jumbo gumbo and louder chowder. Beware his risque bisque.
Skip: Mac 'Encheze' Gonzalez: Spice connoisseur, able to kill with ten seasonings or less.
Watch as they batter and souffle their way behind enemy lines, then kick some asiago. For the epicurious, it goes on for hollandaise and nights, with such catch phrases as 'I'll Tarnish Your Garnish' and 'Go Ahead, Make My Puree'...
With all that over, we can get back to the business at hand, which begins this Friday at Lou's Blues from 9:30 to 1:30...
Then Saturday it's The Old Fish House at the Treasure Coast Marina in downtown Grant from 6 to 10...
Upcoming Events
Sun Jul 03 @ 3:00PM - 07:00PM Island Time |
Fri Jul 08 @ 7:00PM - 11:00PM Pineda |
Sat Jul 09 @ 7:00PM - 11:00PM Eagles |