Absolute Blue Invitation 12/21/12 - 12/22/12

Absolute Blue Rocks

OK, it's the last time we'll do it this year, so here you go...

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell sox
Meat with pink slime, songs from LeAnn Rimes
Dasher and dancer and more figurines
Santa plastic toys, most are obscene

Chia pet, won’t grow yet, old wonder bra
Sock with one mate, food past expire date
Hannah Montana
Bought from Melbourne Square
I don’t really care

Clock with no chime, doesn’t tell time
An iPod that won’t play
That men’s thong thing, it’s the wrong thing
To be openin’ on your holiday

Solo cup, used of course, smells like old feet
And some used hockey pucks
Twix and Pringles
And a broken toy jeep

That’s the gift that sure
That’s the gift that sure
That’s the gift that sure sucks

But what doesn't suck is a Saturday night at the Tiki Bar in Sebastian from 7 to 11...

Absolute Blue Invitation 12/14/12 - 12/15/12

Absolute Blue Quiz

OK, it’s time for a pop quiz. Place your books on the floor and take out your number 2 pencil. Keep your eyes front and relax. It’s an easy one:
Match the signature line to the corresponding holiday movie:

A) God bless us everyone.                                            1) Scrooged
B) I believe.                                                                   2) Miracle on 34th Street
C) Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.       3) Christmas Vacation
D) The bitch hit me with a toaster.                               4) It’s a Wonderful Life
E) Shitters full.                                                              5) A Christmas Carol

See? You probably passed. But before we forget, we ran another holiday favorite through our patented carolitic converter and this is what we came up with:

Kevin got run over by a John Deer
Mowing lawns one tipsy weekday night
Don says scotch and lawn care can be trouble
And me and Mary Kay both think he’s right

Yes, that’s ho, ho, horrible. But if you think that’s bad, check us out this weekend, starting with an evening at Lou’s Blues Friday from 9:30 to 1:30…

Then we do it again 6 to 10 at The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant on Saturday…

Absolute Blue Invitation 11/30/12 - 12/02/12

Absolute Blue's Holidaze

Now that we’ve survived Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Ashura, the International Day For the Elimination of Violence Against Women, Cyber Monday and the National Day of Listening, we look forward to the bevy of holidays that lay before us. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukah or National Meth Awareness Day, there’s something for everyone here at Absolute Blue. And as always we try to accommodate all denominations, races, political parties, species, genders, and shoe sizes. Please let us know if we’re neglected your specific niche and we will work towards some inclusionary documentation or at least a twitter. And as we take part in our peculiar customs that can and sometimes do involve hanging footwear, an overweight senior citizen with an extensive gift distribution system, flying caribou, or a number of other implausible if not improbable concepts, we ask our particular deity for a little something special this season:

Skip: A stocking full of apathy.

Don: Knocking? I don’t hear any knocking.

Kevin: The Justin Bieber Action Figure Gift Set.

Tom: To become truly technologically aware.

Bill: A Nancy Pelosi pinup calendar.

Lofty? Perhaps. Absurd? Certainly. But that fits in with the fine holiday tradition of The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love and this time we promise to clean up after ourselves...

And our gift to you is a full weekend of excessively mediocre entertainment beginning Friday at The Avenue in Viera from 6 to 9...

Then we continue giving with a Saturday at The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina from 6 to 9...

And we wrap things up with a Sunday at Coconuts from 2 to 6...