Absolute Blue Invitation 9/14/12 - 9/15/12

Absolute Blue Gets Indicted

Unbeknownst to the band, agents from the newly created Department of Musicians, Acrobats, Jugglers and Clowns, a division of Obama, Inc, have infiltrated the organization and are officially bringing charges against The Worst Band You'll Ever Love. For a number of months agents have posed as bartenders, patrons and hookers in an elaborate undercover sting operation to get inside information about the intricate workings of this efficiently run business machine. As a result, a number of accusations have been levied, each one prosecutable to the full extent of this or any other law. We were totally unprepared for the findings and anxiously await our day in court, as we have so many times before. A summary of the charges:

Several songs performed on the night in question have never actually been written.
Knowingly ingested premium and exotic beer with the express intent of altering the predetermined set structure to include more Skynrd songs.
Repeatedly exchanged notes, including sharps and flats, for certain favors, including chewing gum and pizza coupons.
In an Olympic twist, intentionally played wrong notes at incorrect tempos to gain a more favorable song list in an upcoming set.

We feel that we have been unjustly singled out and consider these charges to be an affront to every hard working, beer drinking musician. Each allegation will be addressed by Absolute Blue's team of lawyers as soon as they make bail. We as an organization take these accusations very seriously as no doubt they will require substantially more than our usual budgeted bribe expense or at least an extended timeout..

Only one chance to catch Absolute Blue this week, Saturday at Squid Lips from 7 to 11...

Absolute Blue Invitation 9/07/12 - 9/08/12

Absolute Blue Quiz

Now that we’re all back in school and acclimated to our new academic environment, we felt that this would be the perfect time for a pop quiz. So put your books on the floor, sit up straight and don’t forget your number 2 pencil. Begin.

All questions are True or False so you have a reasonable chance of a passing grade.

1. ___T___F Bill’s last pair of spandex pants were purple.

2. ___T___F Don once played football at a prestigious university.

3. ___T___F Skip’s hobbies include lethargy and apathy.

4. ___T___F Don once worked as a hairdresser.

5. ___T___F Tom once rescued a motorist from a submerged car.

6. ___T___F Skip was once a fixture at the Grand Ole Opry.

7. ___T___F Kevin has developed and marketed a seafood delicacy.

8. ___T___F Tom has recently joined Hair Club for Men.

9. ___T___F Kevin’s discharge (one of many) from the navy was honorable, unlike his intentions.

10.___T___F Bill is a well-known entrepreneur, owning corporations in the horticulture and service industries.

Pencils down, eyes front. Results will be published next week and we will be grading on a curve.

This Friday it’s back to Lou’s Blues from 9:30 to 1:30…

Then Saturday it’s The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 7 to 11…

Absolute Blue Invitation 8/31/12 - 9/03/12

Absolute Blue Convenes
 
Now that Tampa has received a much needed scrubbing from Isaac, the RNC can continue without much further ado. What you may not know is that The Worst Band You'll Ever Love played a pivotal role in preparing for the festivities. Under cover of night, working with local, state and local plumbers #107 we have proudly performed our partisan duties with little regard for party affiliation, religious preference or sexual orientation. For example:
 
Kevin worked with Tampa hookers to standardize rate, streamline workflow and scheduling in a series of hands on work sessions.
Tom procured a system of distribution points for the newly developed Ann Romney love doll, filling a critical niche market need.
Don actually joined the convention late after years of mistakenly supporting what he thought was Odonacare.
Unfortunately Skip was asked to leave the convention after referring to Mitt as Mormonic on several occasions.
Bill's efforts also led to some confusion after his keynote speech noted the effects of Roe v Spayed, clearly confusion women and animal rights issues...
 
In any case, it's the biggest weekend of the year, with four opportunities to partake in the superficially pedestrian capriciousness of Absolute Blue...
 
Friday evening finds us at the Avenue in Viera from 6 to 9...
 
Saturday we return to Squid Lips from 7 to 11...
 
Sunday it's a pre-holiday party at Coconuts from 2 to 6...
 
And we wrap things up with a big Labor Day extravaganza at Kristin's River House in Grant Monday from 2 to 6. You can find Kristin's on US1 riverside, just south of 1st Street. See you there...