Absolute Blue Invitation 11/01/13 - 11/02/13

Absolute Blue’s Edgarallenpoetry

 

Twas the night ‘fore All Hallows and all down the block

No one heard music, no hip hop, no rock

And Don with his trumpet, and I with my gear

Hoped trick or treaters would soon end up here

Then we quickly arose from our peaceful condition

We knew from the sirens to assume the position

Yo Billy, Yo Skipper, I’m here to say

We’ve had some complaints all down A1A

They’re sick of the noise, said they’ve had enough

So please turn around while I slip on the cuffs

But officer no, please hear what we’re saying

It cannot be us, we’re not even playing

You’re not playing Skynrd, not playing Chicago?

No officer, no, but we might be tomorrow

He laughed and unshackled The Worst Band he’s seen

Then told us to have us the best Halloween…

 

 

 

Join us at a new venue, X-cess Sports Club, Friday from 9 to 1. X-cess is on Washburn, just east of the Sarno/Eau Gallie split (671 Washburn Ave)…

 

Then Saturday we’re back at Squid Lips from 7 to 11…

Absolute Blue Invitation 10/25/13 - 10/26/13

Absolute Blue’s Randominity

While we are glad that the government is back online, what we need to realize is that there is such a backlog of bribery, skullduggery, partisan politrickery and lame duckery that your simple document request will not be addressed until early next year, with Obamacare going so well and all.

We are consistently outraged at the millions of dollars being donated for cancer. We at Absolute Blue have been and always will be against cancer.

We would also like to suggest that instead of pay per view, the viewers themselves be compensated in cases where their sports teams especially suck. So instead of paying to see the Jaguars incompetence, those witnessing the debacle would actually be paid for each minute they had to sit through, kind of a revenue sharing that includes the fan. Or at least a bartering system so that each hour we have to sit through the Astros on ESPN we earn an hour of Buxom Beach Babes on Playtime.

And as we look forward to our relaunch, we will be taking donations for Don’s facelift, Tom’s buttlift, Bill’s botox, Kevin’s lipo, Skip’s implants and rhinoplasty for our pet rhinoceros.

And Skip asked if all the cows suddenly died if it would be a cattleclysmic event.

 

Only one damn thing to do this weekend: Get on down to Pineda Inn on Saturday from 7 to 11. See you there…

Absolute Blue Invitation 10/18/13 - 10/20/13

Absolute Blue’s 1ZA

 

It turns out that our position as the official band of the first zombie apocalypse was not, as we thought, honorary, except for some very specific tax breaks. We unfortunately have squandered most of the stipend on beer and lottery tickets and sold the commemorative memorabilia on eBay. We have also been summoned before the Joint Subcommittee on Massage Services, Celebrity Affairs and Zombie Management as well as the Secretary of the Interior Decorator for our negligence in submitting a formal plan for fiscal 2014. To avoid penalties, fees and incarceration, we have quickly put together a poorly constructed and ill-conceived strategy, the same approach we use in our music, to deal with this impending disaster. The below steps illustrate our multi stage proposal, which calls for unilaterally unsound policies as well as an unprecedented tax burden on the public, but in the name of national security if not global security, we need a clear and actionable plan in place. Unfortunately this ain’t it:

 

-Create the ‘No Undead Left Behind’ educational initiative.

-Develop a process for translating all official English documents, including textbooks, fortune cookies and street signs, into a series of grunts and clicks, intelligible by the non-living.

-Establish an extensive dental and vision plan under Ozombicare, provided they actually have teeth and eyes, respectively.

-Create additional medical coverage for zombies that can prove they were killed within the US or any trust territories. 

-Provide a path to citizenship for undocumented zombies, once they curb their appetite for other citizens.

-Petition the FDA to create a new food pyramid, consisting of internal organs, brains and living flesh.

 

We have solicited funding for the aforementioned from GOP coffers, assuming that the brain dead and soulless will eventually become Republicans…

 

 

This weekend catch The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love at the Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant Saturday from 6 to 10…

 

Then Sunday at SBI from 2 to 6…