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Absolute Blue Invitation 8/24/12 - 8/25/12
Absolute Blue Gives It Away
It’s that time of year again where we pause to recognize those local musicians that have inspired, perspired or conspired. Yes, it’s the Brevard Live Music Awards, which always serves to entertain, motivate or otherwise stimulate us. Unfortunately, The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love won the inaugural version of these awards and has been banned from competition (coincidentally jaeger is no longer served during the ceremonies), but once again Chris Long will be emceeing the evening with Tom participating in the house band and Bill giving away an award, so Absolute Blue will be well represented during the festivities. Special guest is none other than Les Dudek and featured performers are Sybil Gage, Jessica Ottway, Simone and Jeff Stanton. Tickets are only $10 and available at the door. This year the venue changes back to the Henegar Center in downtown Melbourne on Monday, August 27 from 6 to 9. You don’t want to miss it!
This Friday finds us at the Bamboo Lounge at Seabreeze Steakhouse in Satellite Beach from 6 to 10 for our only beachside performance this weekend…
Then Saturday it’s back to The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10…
And make plans now for our first annual Labor Day Party from 2 to 6 at our newest venue, Kristin’s River House in Grant. It’s located just south of 1st Street in the greater metropolitan area of downtown Grant on US1…
Absolute Blue Invitation 8/17/12 - 8/19/12
Absolute Blue Goes Municipal
Though a series of clandestine payments, covert meetings and blatant ass kissing, The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love has solidified their legacy by securing naming rights to a number of local community structures and edifices, thereby strengthening their marketing efforts and continuing their branding strategy. This follows a number of failed marketing attempts, including designing Absolute Blue toilet paper, promoting home surgery kits and introducing our own line of designer kittens. These led to inquiries from so called ‘lawyers' and a concerned public as well as multiple ASPCA allegations. But this new initiative looks forward to the future, when we will undoubtedly see the Husqvarna Intracoastal Waterway, the Palmolive intersection of 520 and US1, or more ironically, Budweiser presents I95. Our efforts to date have seen the following:
Kevin’s Krapper: Third stall from the left, Men’s room, Paradise Beach Park.
Bill’s Beach: Between Cassia and Ocean Spray. Water not included (clothing mandatory).
Skip’s Sign: Corner of A1A and Eau Gallie. Says Stop.
Tom’s Table: Hightower Park, third Picnic bench along. Clearly non hygienic.
Don’s Drive: The 600 block of University (not endorsed by the Prostitutes Local #518).
This obviously sets the standard for other bands to follow, although we are working hard to patent this idea as well as others, some our own, in yet another step towards our ultimate goal of global domination…
A full weekend starts with a Friday night at Suzi’s Tiki bar in Sebastian, just south of Main Street from 6 to 10…
Saturday it’s a private party, but Sunday we’re back at Sebastian Beach Inn this time from 2:30 to 6:30…
Absolute Blue Invitation 8/10/12 - 8/11/12
Absolute Blue Acts Up
The Worst Band You'll Ever Love has accepted in principle an offer to star in a low budget reboot of a successful film franchise and have already begun thesbian lessons, which Bill was very excited about at first, as well as calisthenics and yoga to prepare for our respective roles. Entitled The Extendables, it takes place in the near future when culinary arts have replaced warfare on the battlefield. With Gordon Ramsey as our Commander in Chief, along with his lieutenant, Emeril Lagasse. Our story unfolds with a maniacal terrorist bent on world domination or at least monopolizing the local food court. Faced with untold devastation, fear leads to panic, then more fear and finally more panicking. Summoned from retirement, five specialists are called upon to keep the kitchen safe for all mankind. The team:
Kevin: Chip 'Blade' Blatarsky: Master of knives, able to spread oleomargarine at breakneck speed, smoothly and evenly.
Don: Dutch 'Pepper' Murray: Saucier of supreme talent. Able to incapacitate enemy forces with his habanero au jus.
Bill: Dillon 'Screamin' Hawkins: Extreme baker, using potentially lethal combination of flour and C4 in his cupcakes.
Tom: Poncho 'Lefty' Johnson: Aka Souperman, adept at broth making, including a jumbo gumbo and louder chowder. Beware his risque bisque.
Skip: Mac 'Encheze' Gonzalez: Spice connoisseur, able to kill with ten seasonings or less.
Watch as they batter and souffle their way behind enemy lines, then kick some asiago. For the epicurious, it goes on for hollandaise and nights, with such catch phrases as 'I'll Tarnish Your Garnish' and 'Go Ahead, Make My Puree'...
With all that over, we can get back to the business at hand, which begins this Friday at Lou's Blues from 9:30 to 1:30...
Then Saturday it's The Old Fish House at the Treasure Coast Marina in downtown Grant from 6 to 10...
Absolute Blue Invitation 8/05/12 - 8/05/12
Absolute Blue Goes Olympical
After a series of questionable and possibly extraditable circumstances, Absolute Blue obtained tickets to the London Olympics and has spent many months learning the simple nuances of the British language. They have fish and chips, we have Long John Silver’s. There, soccer is football and football is, well, nonexistent. We have taken extensive courses including Rosetta Stone, Blarney Stone and Stone The Crows and can now tell a twit from a wanker, your arse from your elbow; we can go the full Monty or wear knickers. We can call someone a cheeky nancy-boy for telling your mum to bugger off. Bloody hell, we can even get pissed with our mates, play snooker and chat up some birds for a fort night. Bob's your uncle (actually, he's my dad). Just make sure you don't put another shrimp on the barbie. All went well with the trip, however attending the games themselves was a bit of a letdown. Towit:
Don was disappointed with the Women’s 100M Breast, but at least left the event with his pocketful of pound notes intact.
Kevin thought the Decathlon was a coffee drinking contest.
Skip parked his car at the pool before he put his glasses on and realized it was Synchronized Diving.
Bill thought the Biathlon was a series of Jenna Jamison films.
Tom wanted to attend the Parallel Bars until he found out that this did not refer to pubs across the street from each other.
So we left the country, at their request, a little smarter, a little more worldly, with both a renewed sense of patriotism and a healthy dose of respect for the athletes. As well as a possible tapeworm...
Friday marks our return to Siggy's in Palm Bay, just west of 95 on Malabar Road (in Interchange Square) from 9 to 1...
And Sunday it's back to Coconuts in Cocoa Beach from 2 to 6...
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