Absolute Blue Invitation 6/08/12 - 6/09/12

Absolute Blue’s Reviews

In keeping with Absolute Blue’s tradition of operating on the bleeding edge of technology, our drummer has put a unique twist on a well-known internet concept and created billyslist.com, where his customers can log reviews concerning any of the variety of services provided by his thriving business, Yearty’s Yards. It’s a unique and innovative way to produce immediate content, generate awareness and promote positive publicity universally and economically. It’s part of Bill’s multichannel sales and marketing strategies that include begging, pleading and sometimes intimidation both through the inner and outer net. Some samples gathered for the new website:

Joanne17: He may smell like fertilizer, but my landscaping is gorgeous!
Gopchief: Mows like the truly great Republican he is.
Idamae1942: I turned him from a lawn boy into a lawn man.
Mrsjohnson2: Very knowledgeable concerning care and maintenance of plants and shrubs but always seems to leave with one sock.
Irena702: My yard never looked better but my liquor is gone and my dog is pregnant.

We feel this is a solid foundation that can be built upon to provide the consumer an honest portrayal of what to expect from Yearty’s Yards. Other future enhancements include a ‘Fertilize Me’ app, interactive gardening chat and automated weed analysis…

Saturday we attend to a private function, so only one chance this week to partake in the intrinsic insanity of The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love. Join us from 7 to 11 Friday at Squid Lips in Melbourne…

Absolute Blue Invitation 6/01/12 - 6/02/12

Absolute Blue Goes Pale

After researching the contemporary novel that is generating such controversy, we have found a similar but completely different adaptation in Fifty Shades of Pale: Anglo Contributions to North American Culture. And while it doesn’t offer the titillating adventures of such Mommy Porn, it does give a unique insight as to the importance of the Anglory both historically and chronologically. After several Google searches, and a failed Bing, we found that there were more than the invention of the ice cream scoop, soap operas and breast implants attributed to the legacy of these trans-Germanic tribes. Among them:

Golf: A long walk wasted.

Deforestation: The efficient means by which once fertile land is rendered barren.

The Manhattan: A perfect bland of vermouth, bitters and whiskey for the nervous executive.

Partisan Politics: A proud tradition that continues to this day.

Muzak: Extracting the soul from music since 1934.

Although it's hard to believe that neither Justin Bieber or Spam made this list, we can still see how culturally adrift we would be if it were not for the influence of these innovative if somewhat bland forefathers...
 
Friday finds us back at Neptune in Satellite Beach (formerly The Cove) for an evening you won't soon forget from 9 to 1...

Then Saturday from 6 to 10 at The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in beautiful downtown Grant...

Absolute Blue Invitation 5/25/12-5/27/12

Absolute Blue's Non Secular Non Sequiturs

We at Absolute Blue have not been watching with great concern some recent ecclesiastical revelations, and we're not just talking about the Catholics this time. But rather than shy away from controversy like most bands, The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love jumps kneedeep in the hoopla regarding recent changes to church doctrine. Many denominations, including Methodist, Presbyterian, hell, even Episcopalian have each changed in their approach to transgendered, ungendered, disgendered, neutered or spayed Congregationalists. In an attempt to keep up with all these different changes, we have compiled, assembled and otherwise accumulated the most comprehensive list of challenges to apostolic attitudes currently available. Relax and peruse the following:

Many groups of like-minded parishioners are creating Consensual Sects.

Some larger collections of theologically based members are forming Group Sects.

Musically minded members are considering generating what is known as Aural Sects.

Several radical extremists have shown interest in organizing Hard Core Sects.

A few self-restraint groups have also formed, called Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder.

 
And we will continue to remain ever vigilant in this effort to bring you the latest developments as they occur, as further evidence is presented or like so many times before, we just make them up...

We start things off this weekend with a Friday night at Crossroads in Palm Bay from 9 to 1...

Then Saturday we move it down south to Good Times West in Port St Lucie from 9 to 1. It's located just east of exit 121 on Courtyard Circle. Call 772.878.8844 for more info...

And Sunday from 2 to 6 it's Coconuts in Cocoa Beach...