Absolute Blue Invitation 1/18/13 - 1/19/13

Absolute Blue Naturalized

Now that details have been leaked to several of the internets, a few news agencies and Oprah, Absolute Blue would like to make a statement regarding their individual and collective nationality. While it is true that none of the members were actually born in the United States, a couple were produced in Commonwealth Protectorates or Non Self Governing Territories. When individual applications for US citizenry were denied based on local bias, pending charges and/or personal hygiene, similar applications for acceptance into Burundi, Vanuatu and Uzbekistan were subsequently rejected for even more farcical reasons including fictional references, incomplete job history and grammar. In essence, we are men without a country, guys without a nation, dudes without a place. So we then decided to pool our resources and collectively apply, which Bill agreed to after we explained that Naturalization was much more than being naked. We then submitted the following to our local USCIS registrar, this time with spellcheck on:

Your legal current name and address

Many and Varied

Given Name?

Given back

Relatives with current citizenship

Several step wives, a dozen or so half children and an aunt/cousin

Have you been convicted of a felony?

Today?

Have you been previously married?

Yes

How many times?

3.0 cumulative aggregate, .66 weighted average

How did these marriages end?

All in all, very badly

Have you ever been declared legally incompetent?

Legally no, Incontinent yes

Do you hold any title of nobility?

Desperate Despot, Earl of Hurl, the Discount Viscount

He then called security.

US citizens, illegal aliens and more unite at Siggy's in Palm Bay Friday from 9 to 1...

Then Saturday make sure to get up to Neptune Bar and Grill, formerly the Cove, in Satellite Beach from 9 to 1…

Absolute Blue Invitation 1/11/13 - 1/12/13

Absolute Blue Attires

Due to geopolitical concerns, gubernatorial posturing and global warming; after the Arab Spring, Oriental Summer, Lithuanian Fall as well as Rosh Hashanah, our political strategists, lobbyists and several bartenders have determined the time is now to reveal our latest initiative. The delicate balance of embargos, indictments and egalitarian controlled eugenics has produced an environment conducive to our planned marketing initiatives. So we bring to you our latest achievement, after months of research, analysis and jaeger. This market ready line of products is designed to be decorative as well as inconsequential for the newly emerging puppet regime or dictatorship as well as the established autocracy. So we bring you the product core of the newly created Absolute Blue Serviceable Undergarment Redeployment Directive. And through a series of bribes, inducements and sexual favors to a number of regulatory and sedentary officials we bring you the following:

A combination Moroccan hat and candy dispenser we call the Pez Fez.

The Hash Sash: Thigh ties made by shy Thai’s drinking mai tais.

The Gurhka Burka: A gentle, wearable blend of Nepalese repression and Muslim style.

A dark brown headgear marketed to Central Africa, the Coffee Kufi.

The most apologetic of garments, the Imso Sari.

Outerwear for the Mexican Executive, the Head Honcho Poncho.

A sports bra for Indonesian women called the Jug Hugger.

A line of Israeli holiday coverings, the Hanukkah Yamakas.

And for those looking for a mixture of Hebrew and Bavarian styles, the I Am Chosen Lederhosen.

So there you have it. A little something for everyone no matter what your nationality/culture/IQ/Shoe Size...

This Friday it's back to Lou's Blues for more of our nonsense from 9:30 to 1:30...

Then Squid Lips Saturday 7 to 11...

Absolute Blue Invitation 1/04/13 - 1/05/13

Absolute Blue Wishes

Now that we've temporarily avoided our financial chasm with Congress abruptly adjourning, still with the smell of disaster fresh in the air, their respective constituents in a precarious predicament, leaving us to question the very concept of Democracy as a whole or at least bicameral legislation as we know it, we face an decidedly uncertain future. One thing is clear: It's time for Republicans and Democrats, Mormans and Episcopalians, the Transgendered and Misgendered, the Gators and 'Noles, the Affluent and the Effluent to come together to determine a solution. We at Absolute Blue are prepared to do our part and offer the following to the afore mentioned Wishful Cliff:

Bill: I wish for an end to bipartisan politics that have precluded a reasonable resolution to this situation. And a pony.
Kevin: I wish for federal funding for my new holiday platter initiative, Jesus Cheeses (TM).
Tom: I wish that someone somewhere might someday remember hockey.
Skip: I wish that people of all races and nationalities could come together and celebrate their differences in one large clothing optional hot tub.
Don: I wish that advances in renewable energy sources provide a reduction in greenhouse gases or at least offset my personal methane contribution.

OK, so we already broke our New Year's resolution of no more fart jokes....

We start off 2013 with an early Friday at Bamboo Lounge (formerly Foreman's Steakhouse) in Satellite Beach from 6 to 10...

Then Saturday it's back to The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10...