Absolute Blue Invitation 12/30/17 - 12/31/17

New Years Eve at The Old Fish House in downtown Grant from 8:30 to 12:30.

Come join us...unless you're chicken...

Absolute Blue Invitation 11/16/17 - 11/19/17

Absolute Blue Responds

Give the recent number of allegations hitting mainstream media, we knew it was just a matter of time before someone came forward, referencing one of many possible transgressions over the past 20 years. But we will not sit or stand for it. In anticipation of these claims we have assembled our team of crack lawyers, sure to put together an airtight defense of any unsubstantiated, unfounded or completely true charges. Because if it is truly a jury of our peers they should have no problem convincing them that the earth is flat, global warming is a myth and dogs cannot look up. So sure enough we have heard from legal counsel for a series of imaginary, nonexistent or mythical creatures, claiming intimidation, bullying or simply asking why you gotta be so mean. After weeding out the more ludicrous of these, including our perceived influence on international politics, our collective role in approving the GOP tax bill and which Kardashian we’ve knocked up, we find ourselves faced with the following, much more troubling issues:

-During a performance to benefit a new nonprofit that offers fried potatoes for used dolls, called Tots for Toys, where Pinocchio made an appearance, he felt he was treated. Because, you know, he’s wood.

-We politely asked Tennessee Tuxedo to leave after he crashed the Easter Seals gig, then got accused of racism. Ok, well maybe speciesism.

-Billy Goat Gruff took exception to the fact his children were not allowed into the Kids Without Christmas show.

-Shawshank inmates collectively filed a complaint against our Relay for Lifers fund raiser.

-Elmer Fudd went public with his protest against our Salivation Army citing insensitivity to excessive droolers.

-Mermaids worldwide accused us of fat shaming for our Habitat for Huge Manatees project.

A huge weekend begins Thursday at The Avenue in Viera, in the square conveniently located next to House of Beer from 5:30 to 8:30…

Then Friday we return to Siggy’s in Palm Bay from 9:30 to 1:30…

Saturday is a wedding, but Sunday it’s the last SBI of the year, from 1 to 5…

Absolute Blue Invitation 11/10/17 - 11/12/17

Absolute Blue Pecunisizes

Back in the day our fiscal strategies began and ended with our limited edition collector’s trading cards, which we feel even now has proven to be a wise investment as the Bill Yearty rookie card from 1996 fetches upwards of $3.50 and the infamous Kevin Trowbridge card with the gender misprint can go for as much as $4.23. Sure, you may say this is a speculative failure, however we prefer to say this venture is not yet fully realized, simply awaiting global demand to catch up. At least we have our beanie babies collection to fall back on. And when we were told that due to some accounting discrepancies on these purchases, we were being investigated by the SEC, we paid it no mind as we are Big 10 fans. You know the feeling. When Broker refers more to your financial status than your investment professional. When your Portfolio is headed more starboard. When you realize you can’t spell irate without an IRA. To alleviate some of your burden we are proud to bring you the following selections, whether you’re looking to invest, untie or simply get back into that old suit:

-The fourth installment of our infotainment series, ‘Know Your Yescrow!’.

-Our Hedge fund now includes bushes and shrubbery options.

-Not only do we offer Mutual Bonding, for a small additional fee Don will provide spooning as well.

-Adding to our 401(k) Rollover service, we add 401(k) Heel, 401(k) Sit and 401(k) Who’s A Good Fund?

-Since we were told to invest in Bonds, we most recently added Goldfinger and Casino Royale.

-Increased our leverage by investing in crowbars and seesaws.

-We now provide a series of low liability accounts, thereby creating a Den of Equity.

Join us this weekend for our return to the Tiki Bar in Sebastian, just south of Main Street on Indian River Boulevard from 7 to 11…

And Saturday it’s the Sand Bar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, from 9 to 1…