Absolute Blue Invitation 06/14/19 - 06/15/19

Absolute Blue Maritimizes

When it comes to boating and all things nautical we turn to our inside source, our brother from another rudder, whose extensive knowledge of watercraft has earned him a docktorate. He was able to provide some valuable inside information but you have to keep an eye on him. He’s so sneaky that when I asked him where I could park the boat he gave me the slip. I asked about the best deal he had on a row boat and he said it was quite an oar deal. And about the red boat that crashed into the blue boat. Both crews were marooned. He said he sunk so many inflatable boats they call him the Zodiac killer. And his previous job repossessing boats earned him the name Trawler Hauler. So, as asked, he provided some little known maritime facts:

-China announced its first floating brothel, called Sampan Thank You Ma’am.

-One of Elvis Presley’s first hits was dedicated to his fondness for a particular ferry boat, Love Me Tender.

-Spanish ships are sold by the Galleon or Half Galleon.

-If you are arrested for illegal boating you are read your catamaranda rights.

-When getting seasick, don’t worry, it happens to all of us schooner or freighter.

-When propelling your boat, remember it’s always Row vs Wade.

Join us for a Friday night at Sunset Waterfront Grille on 520 in Cocoa Beach, from 5 to 10…

Absolute Blue Invitation 06/07/19 - 06/09/19

Absolute Blue Employizes

Positions now available!

Due to a series of reverse sting operations, Absolute Blue Inc. requires a variety of positions to be filled immediately. Applicants should be:

-Several weeks felony free.

-Able to tolerate a methane rich work environment.

-Willing to accept compensation in a variety of forms, mostly back rubs and skittles.

-Republican.

-Upright, or possess the ability to stand up.

Openings include:

-Wardrobe Liaison: Provide insight on fashion trends and styles but mostly count  the number and types of fish on Don’s shirts.

-Intake Coordinator: Responsible for procurement and processing of all Absolute Blue assets from beers, lagers and ales to cordials and liquors

-Human Resources Administrator: Barely a job as we are barely human.

-IT Supervisor: In charge of the wide array of cutting edge technology deployed by The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love, up to and including pagers and fax machines.

-Political strategist: Must be able to utilize extensive knowledge of domestic and international affairs to create new and innovative fart jokes.

Join us for a Friday night at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…

Then Saturday it’s Gators Dockside, at the Port, from 6 to 10…

Absolute Blue Invitation 05/31/19 - 06/01/19

Absolute Blue Titilizes

We at Absolute Blue Inc. have come to regard ourselves as the elder statesmen of the Brevard entertainment scene, perhaps even local music royalty. But one thing missing from our collective comprehensive resume is a proper designation. Try as we may, the closest we ever came to a legitimate title was when Don won the Sexy Legs contest in 1998. And that was even fixed. So where do we go for our long awaited recognition? Like anything else we turn to the dark web, where we can purchase a series of titles from a website called RoyaltyForRoyalties. We seriously considered ‘Discount Viscounts’ or even ‘Squires of Desires’, but we wanted something more personal, something that spoke to our individuality, that confirms that we don’t conform to the norm. And after much negotiation and some questionable payoffs we have officially adopted our new designations so heretofore in the future we shall be known by the following:

-Don: The Dalai Lama of Melodrama, for his frequent temper tantrums and overall petulance.

-Skip: The Czar of Guitar, due to his musical prowess and tyrannical fashion sense.

-Kevin: The Baron of Carin’, mostly because of his many philanthropic endeavors.

-Bill: The Emir of Light Beer. Also known as The Duke of Puke should he find himself offshore.

-Tom: The Pope of Nope.

Join us for a Saturday at Sandbar in Cocoa Beach at the end of 520 from 9 to 1…