Absolute Blue Invitation 10/04/19 - 10/06/19

Absolute Blue Attornizes

When we look back over the years it’s truly amazing how little we’ve accomplished. We are forced to search deep within ourselves, introspectively, for any sign of success, such as being well meaning Republicans. Or our lack of prostrate or incontinence issues, depends. Or the fact that despite numerous attempts, we have not been sued. Successfully. In civil court. In a state beginning with the letter ‘S’. This we can directly attribute to our crack team of lawyers. Or more appropriately our team of crack lawyers. Few realize it but our trumpet player obtained a law degree, thanks to an offshore non accredited ‘college’ and a twenty dollar bill. He worked his way up to partner in the Welsh firm Wynkyn, Blynkyn and Don, formerly known as Litigations ‘R’ Us. But the credit goes to other organizations as well:

-The firm that has exclusive rights to all our divorces and prices at a bulk rate thanks to Kevin: Ditcher, Quickly and Hyde.

-For civil matters that seem to take forever we work with Herry, Yupp and Waite.

-For more aggressive legal matters we turn to Screwem, Goode and Hart.

-When asked if we will be pursuing litigation, we refer the respondent to the law offices of F. Ennay Wrightiam.

-There is a special office specifically for harassment complaints, which are handled by Wamm, Bamm and T. Hankumamm.

Join us for our only public performance this week, Saturday night as we return to the Tiki in Sebastian, on Indian River just north of Main Street, from 7 to 11…

Absolute Blue Invitation - 9/27/19 - 9/28/19

Absolute Blue Politicizes

We interrupt our usual weekly distribution of nonsense as we stand at an historic point in time. It’s important that we take this opportunity to acknowledge the fact that these unprecedented events that are now unfolding could have lasting impact on future generations and shake the very foundation of our political system. Under the emergency protocol defined within the Absolute Blue charter we have invoked the Worst Band You’ll Ever Love Think Tank to try and make sense of it all. Our findings to date:

-Skip: What should be a judicious matter is now holding court in public opinion, potentially serving as undermining factors as social media weighs in even before testimony is given.

-Bill: We must realize as we move forward that the effort and resources dedicated to this investigation may well serve only to distract us from the issues at hand and if this is found to be the case those responsible should and will be held accountable.

-Don: These oaths are not to be taken lightly and we owe it to all who have served in any capacity, from our forefathers to present time, to adhere to these sacred tenets of our constitution.

-Kevin: We cannot underestimate what is at stake here. As the world anxiously awaits with great scrutiny our response to these proceedings we must take care to ensure propriety or risk what is already a precipitous position in the court of global opinion.

-Tom: I like bacon.

It’s finally time for our debut at the NEW Whiskey Beach, formerly The Cove in Satellite Beach, just south of ABC, Saturday from 8 to 12…

Absolute Blue Invitation 09/21/19 - 09/22/19

Absolute Blue Pasturizes

Hello there! Member us? You know, the band with horns? Yep, we’re back and ready to entertain and amuse you. And now that the incident at the Taco Bell drive thru is a distant memory we can get on with our lives. Who knew that ‘behind the bushes’ versus ‘in the bushes’ would mean the difference between a misdemeanor and a felony? And how can it be considered a hate crime when everyone loves tacos? As legal counsel and the good state of Florida have both advised, we will not speak of this again. Instead, we look to our future, planning for that time when we are ready for retirement. We have reviewed many options including single care, group homes and several cardboard boxes and after long deliberation have come up with the following:

-Bill has agreed in principle to join the area’s first Republican only facility, O’Reilly’s O’Resthome. What really sealed the deal was the newly installed stripper pole. Even now he is stockpiling rolls of quarters.

-Skip is interested in the newest clothing optional accommodations, Peckeridge Farms, where he can literally hang out with all his friends. However rules indicate that members over a certain age wear either a protective flap or incontinent undergarment, depends.

-Kevin chose a water themed institution, Aqua ‘R’ Us, whereby through a series of tubes and resonant chambers he can not only sleep but communicate and intelligently converse with the fishes.

-Our trumpet player was the easiest to place. One phone call to A Place For Don and he was recommended to Soylently Green, an eco-friendly short term residential home that promises excellent care for the first week then assured that he will be served in many ways after that.

-Tom has opted for Windbreakers, For The Excessively Flatulent, Overtly Vaporous and Perpetually Noxious. Ask him about his fartometer.

Join us for a Saturday night at Malabar Mo’s, at the corner of US1 and Malabar Road, from 7 to 11…

And make plans now for our debut at the NEW Whiskey Beach, 1462 A1A, formerly The Cove, next Saturday, 9/28, from 8 to 12:00…