Absolute Blue Invitation 07/05/19 - 07/07/19

Absolute Blue Vocabilizes

We have always been intrigued with the evolution of language and the introduction of words and phrases into our collective lexicon. How is it that ‘where’s the beef’ or ‘shart’ make the leap from local colloquialisms into our day to day vocabulary? Is it marketing strategy or sheer random chance? In days past we have had storytellers that drew crowds around communal fires. Now all we have is PBS and individual microwaves. We at The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love want to leave our collective mark upon our native tongue and allow future generations to more accurately describe their dismal fast food experience or the results of an attempted fart. And now that we have tools such as Facebook, Instagram and PornHub, this becomes easier than ever before. So feel free to insert any of the following into daily conversations, just be sure to leave a sizable donation via tip jar, paypal or bitcoin:

-Billogical: Contradictory, lacking in candor, devoid of responsibility. His test results were billogical. See also Republican.

-Donsense: Fantastical allegory in a perjurative context. His test results were donsensical.

-Skipperific: Simultaneously optimistic and unapologetically futile. His test results were skipperific.

-Tominous: Prolifically vague with underlying arrogance bordering on apathy. His test results were tominous.

-Keverlasting: Eternally indiscriminate, perpetually indiscreet or habitually nonexistent. His test results were keverlasting.

Please join us for a Sunday afternoon at Malabar Mo’s from 4 to 8…

Absolute Blue Invitation 06/21/19 - 06/22/19

Absolute Blue Anglizes

Now that we are up to speed on watercraft of all kinds, we take a deeper dive into those creatures that dwell beneath the waters we sail on. Those intriguing, fascinating, sometimes tasty inhabitants of the deep blue sea. And at the risk of sounding shellfish and with no sense of urchincy, we remind you that any one that is not your friend is anenome. So don’t be a prawn gone wrong, listen to the sturgeon general. But let’s get one thing straight as we look forward to the most patriotic of holidays. We’re talking American fish only. Preferably Republican. Proud, patriotic, Bill O’Reilly watchin’, NRA card totin’ freedom fish. And we fully support our administration’s efforts to keep foreign fish out of American waterways. For far too long we’ve stood by and watched undocumented immigrant fish take jobs meant for our native species. Jobs like biting on hooks and getting stuck in nets. Oh, and also:

-Is a small marine fish with limited options a seahorse with no recourse?

-Would a crab that is so spoiled that they had their sandwiches trimmed be considered a crust hatin’ crustacean?

-Could two Indian reef fish be called a pair of Buddha barracudas?

-When you fall in love with an eel, is that a moray?

-Can you call an obnoxious mollusk enthusiast a boisterous oysterist?

Join Absolute Blue as they perform random acts of musicality at Gators Dockside at the Port Friday from 6 to 10…

Absolute Blue Invitation 06/14/19 - 06/15/19

Absolute Blue Maritimizes

When it comes to boating and all things nautical we turn to our inside source, our brother from another rudder, whose extensive knowledge of watercraft has earned him a docktorate. He was able to provide some valuable inside information but you have to keep an eye on him. He’s so sneaky that when I asked him where I could park the boat he gave me the slip. I asked about the best deal he had on a row boat and he said it was quite an oar deal. And about the red boat that crashed into the blue boat. Both crews were marooned. He said he sunk so many inflatable boats they call him the Zodiac killer. And his previous job repossessing boats earned him the name Trawler Hauler. So, as asked, he provided some little known maritime facts:

-China announced its first floating brothel, called Sampan Thank You Ma’am.

-One of Elvis Presley’s first hits was dedicated to his fondness for a particular ferry boat, Love Me Tender.

-Spanish ships are sold by the Galleon or Half Galleon.

-If you are arrested for illegal boating you are read your catamaranda rights.

-When getting seasick, don’t worry, it happens to all of us schooner or freighter.

-When propelling your boat, remember it’s always Row vs Wade.

Join us for a Friday night at Sunset Waterfront Grille on 520 in Cocoa Beach, from 5 to 10…