Absolute Blue Invitation 4/19/19 - 4/21/19

Absolute Blue Protectorizes

We at Absolute Blue care about your health. Almost as much as ours. We noticed a trend and are alarmed at the number of bands playing unprotected music and want to inform you that this is not the case here. We go out of our way to practice safe music, ensuring you hours of worry free listening. Each and every song us FDA approved and USDA Grade A. We do not use fillers or extenders in any of our material. And feel free to peruse our Halal and Kosher selections, you’ll be sure to Hava good time. Each one of our songs have been cleared through Homeland Security and are guaranteed free from any terrorist ties. And we have spent hours ensuring that they are not for sale on the dark web. We have also worked extensively with state and local officials to ensure that toxicity levels are well within federal guidelines for all the notes we play, even the sharps and flats. But that’s not all:

-Skip is working on a line of music that is Paleo friendly which is fitting as most of our music predates history.

-Don designed a way to infuse gluten into our songs. If that’s good. Or take it out. If that’s better. Either way he’s doing it. Probably.

-Bill found that he could play probiotic based drums. Unfortunately he was on antibiotics at the time so it evened out.

-Kevin was a pioneer in the emerging industry of Genetically Modified Music until it started playing itself and the project had to be destroyed or face charges of crimes against musicality. Which we could all be charged with, turns out.

-Tom did absolutely nothing. Again.

Join us for a huge Easter weekend that finds us at two new venues. First off is Sunset Cafe in Cocoa Beach, on 520 just west of A1A on the river, from 5 to 10 Friday…

Then Saturday it’s back to Squidlips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…

And Sunday we’re at Island Time Marina, again in Cocoa Beach on 520, just west of A1A from 3 to 7…

Absolute Blue Invitation 4/05/19 - 4/06/19

Absolute Blue Nebulizes

Considering our area’s history it was only a matter of time before we took on space. You know, like your new shower curtain, the vinyl frontier. You may boldly go wherever you like, but please count me out. Space is really just a whole lotta nothing. Just imagine an object. Then imagine the exact opposite. That’s what space is. Except there’s like radiation out there that will freeze your blood. Or boil it. Or simmer in on low for 10-12 minutes. And now the Indians have blown up one of their satellites, just to show off, so now instead of one large object to dodge, there’s ten thousand little pieces, all traveling at about seventeen thousand miles an hour, faster if you’re in Europe and in kilometers. Each one of these capable of at least putting an eye out. And NASA says they’re on top of this near earth object thing, that they have a guy watching out. But what about when he calls in sick? He’s probably accrued some vacation time by now. I mean, a lunch break or even a quick trip to the men’s room could be catastrophic. Just ask a dinosaur. Oh, wait we can’t. Cause THEY’RE ALL DEAD. So you need your space? Have at it. As for me I’m sticking to this here earth for as long as I can. Longer if possible. So until next week when we tell you what we read on the internet about germs, we bring you the following:

-Willumbra: Of or pertaining to the dark center portion of a shadow. Except our drummer doesn’t cast a shadow. You know, like Nosfartatu.

-Tomet: Just like our bass player, ice cold and eminently predictable.

-Skipacolypse: An extinction event specifically pertaining to an NEO impact. Or Auburn winning a national title.

-Astrodonical: Relating to celestial events or objects. As you all know, our trumpet player puts the ass in astrodonical.

-Kevinterstellar: Situated or occurring between the stars.  Most likely Kim and Khloe.

Join us for a Friday night at Gator’s Dockside, formerly Millikens Reef, at Port Canaveral from 6 to 10…

Absolute Blue Invitation 3/29/19 - 3/30/19

Absolute Blue Reporticizes

We are pleased to hear the summary of the conclusions of the special counsel investigation and that no evidence of conspiracy or collusion have been found. And while accusations of obstruction of justice go unanswered, the report sidesteps any traditional prosecutorial recommendation, declining to draw any conclusions on the matter. And while the details have yet to be made public, I think we can all finally put this matter to rest after all these years. Sure, there may be more allegations against Sloane and Cameron and there are those that will belabor the point, saying that this report actually raises more questions than it answers, however we at The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love stand by Ferris and believe that future releases of the Bueller report will continue to exonerate him. However we understand that concessions have been made on the following topics:

-The German consulate has lodged a formal complaint demanding a Thank You for its depiction during the parade.

-Yamaha Corporation finally reached a settlement for its claims of conspiracy to commit fraud as while they saw an increase in clarinet sales, this did not offset losses in their investment in woodwind tutoring.

-The alleged mistreatment of a vintage Ferrari on set has lead to formal complaints filed by People for the Ethical Treatment of Automobiles.

-Litigation continues surrounding the trademark rights to the ’Slacker’ name and concept as the central character is widely regarded as the first postmodern depiction of such in mainstream media.

-Classroom scenes featuring the explanation of the Smoot–Hawley Tariff Act did for supply side economics what Kardashians did for reality tv.

Join us for a Sunday afternoon at the Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, from 4 to 8…