Absolute Blue Invitation 4/23/21 - 4/25/21

Absolute Blue Realizes

It was a tough decision, but we wound up closing down our do-it-yourself orthodontics service, Brace Yourself. The kind of choice you immediately regret, like when your boat motor gives out in the shallows, it’s Row vs Wade. So we turned our attention to a sure source of quick revenue: Real Estate. Because nothing describes The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love more than ‘broker’. And it was great at first. But turns out you’re supposed to have a ‘license’. And you can’t make up stuff about the property, even if you want it to be true. This led to the return of a substantial deposit for the Barbara Eden Bordello house and paying all closing costs for the Jim Morrison Peed In The Corner home. So we’re learning as we go but still don’t know why they call it a listing when the building is perfectly straight. And did you know if you are underwater in your home you have wrequity? If your family is from Central America you may have aztequity? And if you are in a Mims mobile home you most likely have rednequity? Yes, it’s fascinating. We also have plans to introduce a new financial product that you never have to worry about paying off as it is paid in perpetuity, called the evermortgage. And we now know that escrow is not just graffiti on a black bird. And that it’s currently a cellar’s market, most likely due to the lack of basements in our area. Sure, with others you may get foreclosed but we are prepared to offer 5. Just remember that Fanny Mae but Holly Would…

Join us for a big weekend of playing hits and breaking hips starting Friday at Squidlips in Melbourne 6-10...

Then we’re back to Tiki Bar & Grill, in Sebastian on Indian River Boulevard just south of Main Street, from 7-11...

And we finish off with a Sunday afternoon at Sandbar, at the end of 520 in Cocoa Beach, from 4-8...

Absolute Blue Invitation 4/16/21 - 4/18/21

Absolute Blue Vegetizes

At the time it seemed like a sure thing. Investing in Woody Harrelson’s am radio talk show was a way of generating much needed capital and propping up our floundering stock price. But even with a substantial corporate sponsorship from Viagra we could not turn a profit or even produce a full segment of Mornings With Wood. At best we are looking at a commercial disaster, at worst jail time or at least a substantial timeout. Desperate for another revenue stream, we look to the product that most all of us use: Food. I know what you’re thinking. Didn’t we learn our lesson with the debacle that was our vegetable based card game, Artichokemon? Or our one and only foray into edible building products we called Pomegranite? Apparently not. So we forge ahead with another series of ill-conceived, marginally legal, highly questionable ventures. In any case, please feel free to ask about ground level licensing opportunities for the following offerings from Absolute Blue: Where We Put The Suck In Succotash.

-Billy introduced a product sure to appeal to conspiracy theorist of all types, the Qcumber.

-Skip wanted to infuse vegetables with beer and came up with Brewbarb and Keggplant.

-Don wanted to do the same but with coffee, so developed the Javacado.

-Tom wanted to recognize 44 with Barackolli and 42’s VP with the Waltermelon.

-Kevin was tired of all the negativity surrounding fruit so introduced us to the Canaloupe.

Join us Friday at the Veteran’s Reunion, Wickham Park, from 6:30 to 8:30…

Then it’s our return to Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, from 9 to 1 Saturday…

Absolute Blue Invitation 3/26/21 - 3/28/21

Absolute Blue Gametizes

We at Absolute Blue have long been known for our competitive streak and last week was no exception. We took an opportunity to compete in an Axe Throwing competition for the first time. Unfortunately, we finished dead last in each category due to some questionable scoring. Don hit multiple bullseyes with body wash, Skip was quite accurate with his shampoo, Bill really nailed it with some aluminum free deodorant and Kevin scored repeatedly with his hair care throws. We may have failed miserably but we did smell fantastic. It was then strongly implied that our skills are more suited to something less physical, specifically board games. So we set out to reinvent some classics, vowing that we would not even mention some of the more socially and racially problematic titles such as Done Gins and Drag Queens, Absolute Bluno and even Chinese Checkers. So we ran the following by Legal and feel fairly confident regarding possible future litigation:

-Skip took out his hunting rifle and fired several rounds into varying sizes of stepstools after we suggested he review the much revered childhood game that he misunderstood as Shoot Some Ladders.

-Bill developed a game featuring his least favorite Fox host that he likes to call Cards Against Sean Hannity.

-Due to his proclivity for all things ignitable, Tom has created a highly combustible game he likes to call Hungry Hungry Zippos.

-Kevin tried to give a nautical twist to a classic dice game, instead using knots featured in sailing, however he gave it the most unfortunate name of Knotzee.

-Don developed a game of strategy whereby one pulls a wooden block from a structure, each representing an infection disease. He calls it PathoJenga.

Join us for a Sunday afternoon at Malabar Mo’s from 4 to 8…