Absolute Blue Invitation 6/18/21 - 6/20/21

Absolute Blue Nauticalizes

Over the course of many years, Kevin has inspired us with his tales of nautical adventures and taught us to view the majesty of the open water with equal parts of respect and awe, to learn about the creatures that inhabit its mysterious depths with wonder and reverence as we develop new strategies to murder and eat them. But its also about managing these resources, as we found with the Carp A Diem program which turns out to be a bag limit, and even ways to mitigate these. For example, did you know that there is a specific plea that can be entered should you be cited for being over limit? Similar to Insanity, you may plead ‘Grouper Stupor’ and let your walleye be the fall guy. We are also attempting to provide an enhanced maritime experience, by developing a sounder flounder, a less crappy crappie, a more dapper snapper, a way to better cook snook, or perhaps more herring for sharing. We have compiled a short list of the more memorable seagoing experiences by the Absolute Bluegills, because when others say Pompano we say Pompayes:

-Behold, the most spiritual creature of the ocean, the Amenome.

-Kevin once caught the king of all billfish, one he calls Marlin Brando.

-For The Shining fans, Skip brings you the Red Drum.

-Tom once saw a sport fish as big as a Steinway which could be the first sighting of the rare Piano Tuna.

-Bill’s interest is focused on a devastating invasive species, the Big Lionfish.

-In New York Don has caught massive numbers of fish used for Baptist Friday Fish Fries, the Church Perch.

Please join us for a Friday night at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 6 to 10…

Then Sunday it’s Malabar Mo’s from 4 to 8…

Absolute Blue Invitation 6/11/21 - 6/13/21

Absolute Blue Elementizes

We at Absolute Blue have always taken a deep interest in the sciences. Skip was even a Particle Physics major. Or maybe it was no particular Physics. Either way, there’s a reason that Bill’s nickname was Ferrous Bueller. And remember that time that Don accidently discovered a new chemical compound while attempting to light a bathroom candle? Talk about your noble gases. This even pertains to investing, as Tom diversified his portfolio between ionic and covalent bonds. Just like Kevin always says, it’s better to be carbonated than carbon dated. And with barely a coherent thought we bring you what we like to call the Beeriodic Table, beginning with the most basic of elements, Absolute Blutonium, The Worst Metal You’ll Ever Love. But that’s not all. So grab yourself an Oxygin and Tonic as we are sure to put the Ass in Potassium. Most of the below have only been synthesized in lavatories, although others have been known to occur naturally. Still others were created though precise chemical reactions, requiring a specific mentos-to-coke ratio:

-Flossphorous, an essential for good oral hygiene.

-Goodnitrogen, developed for use as an anesthetic

-A dense, ductile transition metal used in trash compactors, Flattenum.

-The scariest element, Afraidium.

-The tastiest of all elements, the key lime flavored Piedrogen.

-N’zinc, containing the very essence of boy bands.

-The Los Angeles based nutrient, SouthernCalcium.

-The most patriotic mineral, Flagnesium.

We start off a big weekend at Tiki Bar & Grill in Sebastian, on Indian River Blvd just south of Main Street, 7 to 11 Friday…

Then it’s Mainstreet in downtown Melbourne from 6 to 10 Saturday…

And we close the weekend out at Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, Sunday 4 to 8…

Absolute Blue Invitation 5/28/21 - 5/31/21

Absolute Blue Grammarizes

Creating this post is not easy. There are many considerations, rules and guidelines to follow. And as any horn player will tell you, the Chicago Manual Of Style is the indispensable reference for usage and grammar that is globally accepted. But for the rest of us these are simply archaic and outmoded standards that have no relevance to our current communication needs. So in an attempt to put the heart and soul back into our very specialized message, we have developed a new program we like to call Funktuation. Designed to maintain the status quotation mark, cure irritable vowel syndrome and to be used tilde end of time. Unfortunately, the Oxford was previously copyrighted, so we began our efforts with the most Democratic of all characters, the Obama comma. This led to a series of questionable decisions that could have longstanding legal ramifications. Please peruse the following which have been developed by our crack team of linguists, or our team of crack linguists. In any case, we are sure to put the ass in asterisk.

-A character specifically to be used when video conferencing, the zumlaut.

-Another to be used only by divorced couples with children, the coparentheses.

-Due to our interest in soft core porn, we bring you the sexclamation point.

-Since we are all members of Team Jacob, we created the vampersand.

-Designed to appeal to Coen brother fans, we present the Buscemi colon.

-The one character that no one really knows how to use correctly, as sometimes it indicates possession, other times plurality and others still, contraction. We therefore bring you the impostrophy.

Join us for a big holiday weekend as we take the next week off to finally solve this Middle East problem. We start things off with a return to Sunset in Cocoa Beach, on 520 at the beautiful Indian River, Friday from 6 to 10…

Then Saturday we’re back at Kelly’s Burgers and Beers in Melbourne, on Wickham just south of Sarno, from 7 to 10…

And we celebrate the holiday the only way we know how, with a Monday afternoon at Malabar Mo’s, 4 to 8…