Absolute Blue Invitation 1/22/21 - 1/23/21

Absolute Blue Instrumentizes

We are all familiar with The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love and their many local performances through the years, but did you know they are all very accompliced musicians? It may be strange to think of them on these terms but in many cases they started out on different instruments and in other cases, where local laws allow, they still maintain these skills across a wide range of the musical spectrum. For example, after having an epiphany on tympani, Kevin auditioned so many times for local bands he became known as the Repercussionist (Back in the 90’s he was known as Rico Clave). And at one point, Bill was very proficient on the Freedom Horn. Tom created the Absolute Bluekelele and Don was so good at woodwinds he was called Oboe Wan Kenobi. I could say that Skip played the harp, but that would make a lyre out of me. But that’s just the start:

-The first time Bill played his piccolo in public, the audience threw tomatoes, proving when the fluting starts the fruiting starts.

-Tom started playing multiple double reed instruments but was told to stop Bassoon as possible.

-Don tried percussion and strings until he was arrested carrying a concealed 9mm glockenspiel under suspicion of committing multiple acts of violins.

-Kevin was in a string quartet until being released for copyright infringement related to his Cello Kitty product line. He claims that he left of his own accordion.

-Skip has played so many bluegrass instruments that he has become known as The Mandolinean.

Join us for a double header this weekend as we return to Malabar Mo’s Friday 7 to 11…

Then it’s back to Kelly’s Burgers & Beers in Melbourne from 7 to 10…

Absolute Blue Invitation 1/15/21 - 1/16/21

Absolute Blue Investicizes

During our year end audit, we found that while revenue and overall compensation were down significantly last year, we also told 62% fewer fart jokes, made 71% fewer questionable comments and 59% less inflammatory remarks year over year, all historic lows. For the first time we were fact checked and found a typical Absolute Blue performance was comprised of 31% hypocrisy, 26% fabrications, 21% inaccuracies, 17% hyperbole, 12% embellishments and 6% misrepresentations. These will now be the baselines for our business model. But what we are lacking is a sound financial plan for the new year. One financial planner advised us to invest in upscale senior activewear or adult undergarments, depends. We tried 7 different IRA’s until we got IRA8, which really made us mad. We even tried investing in a David Lee Roth IRA but turns out that’s not a thing. Sometimes it seems that retirement is just putting new Goodyears on the old Ford. As a last resort we asked the band and believe it or not these were the best suggestions:

-On the one hand Bill often professes his distrust of technology but still wants to invest in digital assets so he proposes what he calls Hypocrypto currency.

-Unfortunately Kevin’s idea of a balanced portfolio is buying quick picks AND scratch offs.

-Don questioned why there are no investment options for pets, so he started a 401(k9).

-To capitalize on the niche market of couples that fear commitment, Skip suggests investing in Cohabitcoin.

-Tom suggested investing in Annuiteas, specially brewed in green, herbal and oolong varieties.

Please join us for a Friday night at Sunset Waterfront Grill and Bar in Cocoa Beach from 6 to 10…

Absolute Blue Invitation 12/31/20 - 1/02/21

Absolute Blue Auldlangsynizes

As we draw nearer to the close of another year, we also see the limitation period run out for much of our pending litigation. So it appears our argument for separating the entertainment timeline between PriMadonna and Post Malone will never be heard. As will our argument for punitive damages for the deliberate plagiarism of a catch phrase from the producers of Breaking Bad. So they will never claim that they never heard of Better Tweet Pete during the Democratic National Convention or Better Write Dwight during the Eisenhower administration or Better Yell for Michelle during the Obama years or Better Phone Tone during Blair’s Labour Party disputes or Better Semaphore Salvador during Dali’s Surrealist revivalist movement.

We would also like to thank you for all your support, be it in person, in word, in thought or purely hypothetical for getting us through the carnage that was this year. But no matter if you’re out and about this weekend or waiting until the time is right, we will be here for you and fully expect to be adding more dates to what will be a most excellent 2021 for us all.

An historic weekend awaits us with three opportunities to engage with The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love beginning New Year’s Eve at Kelly’s Burgers & Beer in Melbourne, 8:30 to 12:30, then Friday, 6 to 10 at Squid Lips in Melbourne and Saturday, 6 to 10 at Mainstreet in Downtown Melbourne...