Absolute Blue Invitation 11/06/20 - 11/07/20

Absolute Blue Pollarizes

In a desperate attempt to meet the contractual requirement of unlimited Old Milwaukee Light for life for vested band members upon retirement, we were able to secure a pre election stake using the latest wagering concept, the polfecta, which ranks the accuracy of all the major polls. By leveraging capital and equity in a number of different corporate funds, such as the Absolute Blue 401(JK), the Accidental Death By Dismemberment endowment, the Completely Mental Dental reserves, the Family Leave trust (which Skip thought was cash used to leave your family) and the Health Savings Account administered by our Mexico office (H ese), we were able to come up with $376.58 which was sent directly to a shady if not underworld Vegas gaming organization, Bets ‘R Us. We expect significant if not taxable returns on this should we be able to select the top 5 most accurate polls, in no particular order. So on our ticket:

1) Seminole Poll: Conducted by FSU it places Biden as the decisive winner, declaring victory with the tomahawk chop. Or first down, I could never tell.

2) Casserole Poll: Effectively operated by Cosmo reading, PTA attending suburban housewives after the dishes are done.

3) Birth Control Poll: Left leaning poll that emphasizes individual rights and if not, responsible gender reveals.

4) Rock and Roll Poll: The Nuge declares an all out Red Tide as he officially announces his ultra far right activist group, the Wang Dang Gang.

5) Coal Poll: Predicting a narrow GOP victory, signaling a blow to renewable energy but introducing some amazing stocking stuffers.

Join us or a Saturday night at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 6 to 10…

Absolute Blue Invitation 10/30/20 - 10/31/20

Absolute Blue Prosetizes

‘Twas the night ‘fore All Hallows and all down the street

Not one bar was open, the ban was complete

Skip and I walked ‘round in deep desperation

Convinced that we faced imminent dehydration

Then up from a side street the horn dogs appeared

Said Don and then Kevin, “It’s just as we feared”.

Don said “The liberals, they don’t want us drinking,

Not till November, what can they be thinking”?

Kev said that “‘The GOP all wants us sober,

Can’t wait till this ‘lection is finally over”.

Then Billy pulled up and said “Guys you’re in luck”!

Just look in the bed of my old pickup truck”

In there were coolers filled up to the top

With all kinds of beverages, most made from hops

There were pilsners and pale ales and beers made with craft

Some Molsons, Labatts and some Genuine Draft

Red Stripes and Mooseheads, St Pauli’s and Bass’s

Lagers and Cream Ales, stouts thick as molasses.

Turns out there are things in which, all parties agreed

The right to imbibe sometime’s just what we need.

Join us for a special Halloween party at The Old Fish House in Grant from 8 to 11 Saturday. There’ll be costumes and prizes and all kindsa carrying on with Eric Webb getting things going at 4:00, then The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love and finally a costume contest with a weekend getaway first prize at 10:00…

Absolute Blue Invitation 10/23/20 - 10/24/20

Absolute Blue Mobilizes

We here at Absolute Blue have seen enough. We simply cannot stand by while the country that we have come to tolerate as much as the next is turned into a cacophony of discord, rife with dissension bordering on anarchy. The time has come to take swift and decisive action. Therefore, we have officially applied for membership in a number of quasi political organizations. In an effort to make the largest possible impact, we started with some hard-core groups known as malicious militias but could not meet their minimum firepower requirements as they refused to recognize a very impressive Nerf arsenal. Next we tried the less ambitious vicious militias and were summarily dismissed for breaking rank for happy hour and questionable attire. Then came the suspiciously fictitious militias which, turns out, don’t even exist. So we carefully examined the strategies and tactics that individually suited ourselves and created our own group we like to call the Delicious Militia, as the Loud Boys was already taken. The major points of our manifesto:

-Unfortunately Don thought CueAnon was a support group for billiard addicts so our initial meetings were a bit confusing.

-We will call for reinstatement of the Affordable Pear Act, ensuring there is no fruit left behind.

-We will initiate and support Flantifa, the custard based movement advocating an anti authoritarian platform for all desserts.

-We will work with council to create the Phillybuster: The world’s largest cheesesteak.

-We will petition local, state and federal agencies to expose the members of the Deep Dish State and reveal their strategy to secretly control the worldwide pizza supply.

-We will be submitting our plan to replace the Supreme Court with a Food Court, because who doesn’t like Panda Express.

Join us for a step toward normalcy at Mainstreet in downtown Melbourne Saturday from 6 to 10….