Absolute Blue Invitation 4/16/21 - 4/18/21

Absolute Blue Vegetizes

At the time it seemed like a sure thing. Investing in Woody Harrelson’s am radio talk show was a way of generating much needed capital and propping up our floundering stock price. But even with a substantial corporate sponsorship from Viagra we could not turn a profit or even produce a full segment of Mornings With Wood. At best we are looking at a commercial disaster, at worst jail time or at least a substantial timeout. Desperate for another revenue stream, we look to the product that most all of us use: Food. I know what you’re thinking. Didn’t we learn our lesson with the debacle that was our vegetable based card game, Artichokemon? Or our one and only foray into edible building products we called Pomegranite? Apparently not. So we forge ahead with another series of ill-conceived, marginally legal, highly questionable ventures. In any case, please feel free to ask about ground level licensing opportunities for the following offerings from Absolute Blue: Where We Put The Suck In Succotash.

-Billy introduced a product sure to appeal to conspiracy theorist of all types, the Qcumber.

-Skip wanted to infuse vegetables with beer and came up with Brewbarb and Keggplant.

-Don wanted to do the same but with coffee, so developed the Javacado.

-Tom wanted to recognize 44 with Barackolli and 42’s VP with the Waltermelon.

-Kevin was tired of all the negativity surrounding fruit so introduced us to the Canaloupe.

Join us Friday at the Veteran’s Reunion, Wickham Park, from 6:30 to 8:30…

Then it’s our return to Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, from 9 to 1 Saturday…

Absolute Blue Invitation 3/26/21 - 3/28/21

Absolute Blue Gametizes

We at Absolute Blue have long been known for our competitive streak and last week was no exception. We took an opportunity to compete in an Axe Throwing competition for the first time. Unfortunately, we finished dead last in each category due to some questionable scoring. Don hit multiple bullseyes with body wash, Skip was quite accurate with his shampoo, Bill really nailed it with some aluminum free deodorant and Kevin scored repeatedly with his hair care throws. We may have failed miserably but we did smell fantastic. It was then strongly implied that our skills are more suited to something less physical, specifically board games. So we set out to reinvent some classics, vowing that we would not even mention some of the more socially and racially problematic titles such as Done Gins and Drag Queens, Absolute Bluno and even Chinese Checkers. So we ran the following by Legal and feel fairly confident regarding possible future litigation:

-Skip took out his hunting rifle and fired several rounds into varying sizes of stepstools after we suggested he review the much revered childhood game that he misunderstood as Shoot Some Ladders.

-Bill developed a game featuring his least favorite Fox host that he likes to call Cards Against Sean Hannity.

-Due to his proclivity for all things ignitable, Tom has created a highly combustible game he likes to call Hungry Hungry Zippos.

-Kevin tried to give a nautical twist to a classic dice game, instead using knots featured in sailing, however he gave it the most unfortunate name of Knotzee.

-Don developed a game of strategy whereby one pulls a wooden block from a structure, each representing an infection disease. He calls it PathoJenga.

Join us for a Sunday afternoon at Malabar Mo’s from 4 to 8…

Absolute Blue Invitation 3/19/21 - 3/20/21

Absolute Blue Randomizes

Please stand and recite the Pledge Of Allegients (Or the Oath Of Southwests):

Bass.

The vinyl frontier.

These are the annoyances of the Blues of Absolute. It’s twenty five year mission to abhor strange new girls. To seek out night life and new simple libations.

To boldly go where no band has gone before.

And while we have your attention, please review our new items in eBay:

1 Used Pacemaker

Ross Perot bobblehead: Poor condition: No bob/No head

3 bottles Nogain: Ineffective hair care for men

Several gallons used hand sanitizer

NASCAR screwdriver: Only turns left

2 turn signal bulbs: Never been used

Solar powered underwear: Men’s Large

Milli Vanilli Greatest Hits Vol 3: Contains mostly silence

10 Steps To A Happy Marriage: Hardcover: Dedicated to my ex-wife: Obviously unopened

Join us for a Friday night at Malabar Mo’s from 7 to 11….