Absolute Blue Invitation 9/10/21 - 9/12/21

Absolute Blue Ornithologizes

So it appears that the internet is broken or something, as we have yet to hear anything from the thousands that read these posts regarding our self imposed exile. And since keeping this content from you could be considered criminal, and we don’t want to go against any local or state statutes, we are bringing you the latest insights from The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love. Since we last spoke, the band has been on a Bahamas cruise where they took part in a new exercise regime, Pilates of the Caribbean. But we had to stop going as it just wasn’t working out. This is also where the band became fascinated with the shore birds that frequent the Bahamian beaches, our avian friends that cover a remarkable variety of species. From the exceedingly average C-gull to the birds that instead of using their designated feeders, swoop down on unsuspecting diners at beachside restaurants and are most likely liberals. These are the Improper Left Terns. Their fascinating social hierarchy even includes younger birds that perform the same duties as the older birds but do not directly benefit from the process. These are the Interns. So we asked the band which is the most compelling species:

-Tom likes the bird that looks like a flying dog, the Beagull.

-Bill says he likes them all and donated a large sum to the global organization tasked with the preservation of shore birds, As The World Terns.

-Against all odds, Kevin’s favorite is the Improbagull.

-Don researched a film about a bird that comes back from the future to destroy, then redeem mankind, the hard to say Ternimator.

-Skip will always remember his favorite bird that has the most spectacular plumage, the Unforgetagull.

Join us for our only public performance this weekend, Saturday at Mainstreet in downtown Melbourne from 6 to 10…

Absolute Blue Invitation 9/03/21 - 9/05/21

Day 21 of our self imposed social media ban and so far no one has noticed. We expect very soon to hear outrage from the far corners of the internet, but until such time we present to you some words of wisdom from years gone by:

Absolute Blue Vegetizes

In an effort to drain the last bit of value from our health plan this year, as well as take advantage of a Groupon, we collectively went to the doctor last week and after a cursory exam we were told the only thing that would alleviate our many and varied ailments was more roughage. So Don punched Kevin, Kevin kicked Tom, Tom slapped Skip, Skip whacked Bill and Bill smacked Don, while the doctor watched in disbelief. Turns out we just needed to get more fiber. He gave us two options, either a suppository, which we googled and, well, no. Or to eat more vegetables. This seemed much less invasive, but we didn’t want to settle for the simple joy of Bok Choy or the gender insensitive Chickpea. So we each developed our own unique recipe which represents our own personality and cultural heritage and also conforms to our own culinary program we like to call Make America Grate Again, which is sure to put the itch back in spinach:

-Pucumbers: Laced with croton oil, this potent purgative has been a staple in Kevin’s family for generations. Guaranteed to spew the stew, hurl the swirl and gag the nag.

-Okra Winfrey: Skip’s most inspiring recipe garnered rave reviews for its texture and presentation. Proudly served to all freedom loving Americans with no apologies.

-Sasquash: Based on the zucchini of mythical proportions, this seldom seen and rarely photographed dish is a favorite of Bill’s although he never remembers ever having it. Most probably more urban legend than food.

-Below Parsnips: Tom’s underachieving dish strives for mediocrity then fails miserably. Similar in experience to chewing a used damp sweat sock but without the nutritional value.

-Swiss Charred: Culinary history was made when Don mistakenly burned some of that cheese with the holes in it.

We encourage you to celebrate the Labor Day weekend with us as make a special appearance at Kelly’s Burgers & Beer in Melbourne, on Wickham just south of Sarno, Saturday from 7 to 10…

Then it’s party at Malabar Mo’s Sunday from 4 to 8…

Absolute Blue Invitation 8/13/21 - 8/15/21

Absolute Blue Sanctionizes

We have finally had enough. Too many times we sat idly by while being exposed to volumes of vitriolic rhetoric without responding. It is now time to act. We have petitioned the major players involved multiple times demanding an end to the madness, but still see nothing has changed. So, yet again it comes down to us. Because as you know we are a band of action. Therefore, until they come to their senses, we have taken the initiative to ban ourselves from all social media for the period of one week, beginning with this post. We owe this to you, at least. As of this moment there will be no new content generated. This includes but is not limited to hyperbole, innuendo, double entendre, single entendre, haiku, limericks, iambic pentameter and fart jokes.

We will, however, leave you with our least remembered segment, Today I Forgot:

-TIF that many years ago, Wozniac, Jobs and Forbes formed a think tank tasked with developing new financial technology and called themselves the Den of Steves.

-TIF that Keith Richards was the source for a common idiom when he bagged two quail on his first hunting expedition and provided the earliest known example of killing two birds with one Stone.

-TIF that when you teased that red headed kid you were adding insult to gingery.

-TIF about a lengthy bible verse explaining how hundreds of doves appeared at the temple, which proves that a scripture is worth a thousand birds.

-TIF that an English and two Southeast Asian athletes won Olympic Archery medals but officials were hesitant to award them, because once Briton, twice Thai.

Please join us for a big weekend with The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love, beginning Friday at Malabar Mo’s from 7 to 11…

Then it’s Mainstreet Pub in Downtown Melbourne Saturday from 6 to 10…

We wrap things up with a Sunday afternoon at Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, 4 to 8…