Absolute Blue Invitation 5/03/19 - 5/05/19

Absolute Blue Botanizes

Just as the Absolute Blue division of Research and Development completed their findings on essential oils, which turn out to be suntan, crisco and 10W40, we find that trends are changing and now the emphasis is on botanicals. So there’s juniper in gin, coriander in skin care lotion and St. John’s wort in breakfast cereal. It’s hard to give up our carnivorous lifestyle but we’ll do anything at this point to stay relevant. And considering how much we’re willing to play requests we’re sure to put the hor in horticulture. As we understand it, to unlock the power of the flower you must believe in the leaves, salute the roots, put the petal to the metal and heed the seed, lest ye be pistil whipped. And to capitalize on this growing craze we plan a line of imitation plants we call fauxtanicals, including:

-Skip developed a vine he calls the North Carolina creeper that is so pervasive and virulent it may require a restraining order.         

-Don went directly against USDA regulations to create a flowering bush he calls the Verboten Croton.

-Bill bought contaminated lab equipment on eBay when he tried to create a new strain of American Beauty and wound up with the first trichinosis roses.

-Tom had so many problems with his perennial hybrid he put the ‘be gone’ in begonias.

-Kevin’s foray into synthesizing common flowering plants led to the development of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Buttercups.

Join us for a Friday at Gator’s Dockside, formerly Millikens Reef, at Port Canaveral from 6 to 10…

Then Sunday it’s back to Sandbar in Cocoa Beach at the end of 520 from 4 to 8…

Absolute Blue Invitation 4/27/19 - 4/28/19

Absolute Blue Trafficizes

It’s our God given right. Most probably guaranteed in the Constitution, possibly in an amendment or preamble or postamble or such. The right to drive. The right to the open road. The right to freedom as far as the mostly adequately maintained interstate system, somewhat less maintained highways or completely ignored local roads can take us. The right to buy overpriced vehicles assembled by overly unionized Americans or underutilized foreign nationals. The right to purchase overpriced insurance from Florence of Albania that makes it so easy even Bill can do it. To buy overpriced fossil fuels from areas that would normally be our sworn enemies. I’m looking at you South Dakota. And while the nuances of road rage have been widely documented by the Russians and the Lutherans, we bring you the following as a guide to other traffic related etiquette:

-Friending: The little known but oft-practiced art of discovering a car currently traveling 20 miles under the speed limit, then pulling up beside them and beginning a relationship, sometimes backing up traffic for miles. I personally have met 2 of my ex-wives and my lawyer this way.

-Merging: The process by which a vehicle comes to a complete stop on a freeway or expressway, unable to manage the concept of a car attempting to enter said interstate.  Complete with wild gesticulations in an attempt to convey something similar to “Infidel! You dare not to trespass into my personal Roadway!”

-Tailgating: The mechanics of this are fairly straightforward, however the underlying strategy can be more complicated. Some choose to target specific makes or models, others the little stick figures in the window, but for our purposes it never hurts to focus on a Trump bumper sticker.

-Creeping: The absolutely maddening practice where the car in front of you stops short at a red light. Then moves up a little. Then a little more. Then a little more. I mean, just stop and commit already! Justifiable grounds for autocide or grievous vehicular damage.

-Turn Signals: Nope.

Join us for a Saturday night at the Tiki Bar in Sebastian, on Indian River just south on Main Street, from 7 to 11…

Then Sunday it’s the Crab Stop, in Sebastian on Indian River just north of Main Street, from 2 to 6…

Absolute Blue Invitation 4/19/19 - 4/21/19

Absolute Blue Protectorizes

We at Absolute Blue care about your health. Almost as much as ours. We noticed a trend and are alarmed at the number of bands playing unprotected music and want to inform you that this is not the case here. We go out of our way to practice safe music, ensuring you hours of worry free listening. Each and every song us FDA approved and USDA Grade A. We do not use fillers or extenders in any of our material. And feel free to peruse our Halal and Kosher selections, you’ll be sure to Hava good time. Each one of our songs have been cleared through Homeland Security and are guaranteed free from any terrorist ties. And we have spent hours ensuring that they are not for sale on the dark web. We have also worked extensively with state and local officials to ensure that toxicity levels are well within federal guidelines for all the notes we play, even the sharps and flats. But that’s not all:

-Skip is working on a line of music that is Paleo friendly which is fitting as most of our music predates history.

-Don designed a way to infuse gluten into our songs. If that’s good. Or take it out. If that’s better. Either way he’s doing it. Probably.

-Bill found that he could play probiotic based drums. Unfortunately he was on antibiotics at the time so it evened out.

-Kevin was a pioneer in the emerging industry of Genetically Modified Music until it started playing itself and the project had to be destroyed or face charges of crimes against musicality. Which we could all be charged with, turns out.

-Tom did absolutely nothing. Again.

Join us for a huge Easter weekend that finds us at two new venues. First off is Sunset Cafe in Cocoa Beach, on 520 just west of A1A on the river, from 5 to 10 Friday…

Then Saturday it’s back to Squidlips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…

And Sunday we’re at Island Time Marina, again in Cocoa Beach on 520, just west of A1A from 3 to 7…