Absolute Blue Invitation 3/26/21 - 3/28/21

Absolute Blue Gametizes

We at Absolute Blue have long been known for our competitive streak and last week was no exception. We took an opportunity to compete in an Axe Throwing competition for the first time. Unfortunately, we finished dead last in each category due to some questionable scoring. Don hit multiple bullseyes with body wash, Skip was quite accurate with his shampoo, Bill really nailed it with some aluminum free deodorant and Kevin scored repeatedly with his hair care throws. We may have failed miserably but we did smell fantastic. It was then strongly implied that our skills are more suited to something less physical, specifically board games. So we set out to reinvent some classics, vowing that we would not even mention some of the more socially and racially problematic titles such as Done Gins and Drag Queens, Absolute Bluno and even Chinese Checkers. So we ran the following by Legal and feel fairly confident regarding possible future litigation:

-Skip took out his hunting rifle and fired several rounds into varying sizes of stepstools after we suggested he review the much revered childhood game that he misunderstood as Shoot Some Ladders.

-Bill developed a game featuring his least favorite Fox host that he likes to call Cards Against Sean Hannity.

-Due to his proclivity for all things ignitable, Tom has created a highly combustible game he likes to call Hungry Hungry Zippos.

-Kevin tried to give a nautical twist to a classic dice game, instead using knots featured in sailing, however he gave it the most unfortunate name of Knotzee.

-Don developed a game of strategy whereby one pulls a wooden block from a structure, each representing an infection disease. He calls it PathoJenga.

Join us for a Sunday afternoon at Malabar Mo’s from 4 to 8…

Absolute Blue Invitation 3/19/21 - 3/20/21

Absolute Blue Randomizes

Please stand and recite the Pledge Of Allegients (Or the Oath Of Southwests):

Bass.

The vinyl frontier.

These are the annoyances of the Blues of Absolute. It’s twenty five year mission to abhor strange new girls. To seek out night life and new simple libations.

To boldly go where no band has gone before.

And while we have your attention, please review our new items in eBay:

1 Used Pacemaker

Ross Perot bobblehead: Poor condition: No bob/No head

3 bottles Nogain: Ineffective hair care for men

Several gallons used hand sanitizer

NASCAR screwdriver: Only turns left

2 turn signal bulbs: Never been used

Solar powered underwear: Men’s Large

Milli Vanilli Greatest Hits Vol 3: Contains mostly silence

10 Steps To A Happy Marriage: Hardcover: Dedicated to my ex-wife: Obviously unopened

Join us for a Friday night at Malabar Mo’s from 7 to 11….

Absolute Blue Invitation 3/05/21 - 3/06/21

Absolute Blue Denticizes

Tom fondly remembers the anticipation of his first blind date. He heard she had implants and that she liked to show them off. Sure enough right there in the restaurant in front of everyone she flashed a dazzling smile. After the disappointment began to subside, he began to imagine a career in dentistry. If there was only a way of doing so without having to look in people’s mouths all day. Why shouldn’t we be able to perform tooth repair online? We even created the concept of a wiser incisor. Sure it was secured by Velcro, but with flat rate pricing it’s so much more affordable that licensed dental care. And the adventure denture, a conditionally speculative if not illegal undertaking which involves super glue and whatever we may have lying around. I mean, if we can have a two buck Chuck and a five simoleon linoleum, why can’t we have a ten shilling filling? As always, we would perform safe dentistry by advocating the prophylaxis prophylactic in an inclusive work environment embracing trans, straight as well as bicuspids. But we still had to educate the band on some fundamentals including:

-Kevin thought only redheads could be diagnosed with gingervitis.

-Don still consults with his dentist’s New York office, calling him his upnorthodontist. 

-No stranger to cavity searches, Bill received an AC/DC version of his teeth cleaning: Back in Plaque.

-Tom had some work done while in the Middle East which he now refers to as his Beirut canal.

-When Skip had a tooth that was sensitive to hot and cold, he was convinced he had a bipolar molar.

And remember what we learned from our Renaissance music class: If it ain’t baroque don’t fix it…

Join us for our return to Tiki Bar & Grill in Sebastian, on Indian River Drive, just south of Main Street, from 7 to 11 Friday…