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Absolute Blue Invitation 08/05/22 - 08/07/22
Absolute Blue Kernelizes
It is with great pride that we announce the development of a new product that is sure to revolutionize food production worldwide. After years of working with little known Vegitoligist PhD candidates from Cornell, we have created a crop that will grow in the most arid of climates, with little water required. And since the kernels tend to clump together, making it difficult to transfer into designated containers, we are calling it Hard Pour Corn. However, in bringing our product to market, there are problems. Turns out that it’s not just what I call the bunion on my left foot, but Big Corn is a real thing. Be it Yellow, Pop, Sweet or Jimmy Cracked, they control it all. So we turned our focus to other markets, namely in South America. This shouldn’t be difficult, but turns out they have countries there with strange names. So we have come up with some minor changes to appeal to real American consumers. Please feel free to Peruse:
-Imagine if you will the very first theme parked country, Shrekuador.
-Since we understand that they are huge football fans, Super Bolivia.
-Due to the popularity of hospital dramas there, Paraguay’s Anatomy.
-Because of the absurdly high rate of wine consumption per capita, Argentino Grigio.
-The largest fertilizer producing country in the world, Manuraguay.
Join us for a Friday night at Tiki Bar and Grill in Sebastian, on Indian River Blvd, just south of Main Street, from 7 to 11…
Then Saturday it’s Mainstreet in Downtown Melbourne 6 to 10…
And our last Sandbar performance of the season, 4 to 8 Sunday…
Absolute Blue Invitation 07/08/22 - 07/10/22
Absolute Blue Propocizes
It was perfect. I coordinated with the stadium promotional team and was given preferential seating. It was all arranged. The ring was an exquisite marquise flawless diamond in a 24K gold setting. Fifteen minutes into halftime the jumbotron panned to the two of us. Stadium security ensured a clear line of view. Ushers stopped all activity down the aisle. The crowd went silent as I stood her up, then faced her and took out a small box. Then, kneeling, I took her hand and opened the box for her. Cheers went out from all corners of the arena. She covered her face, turned and ran down the aisle, into the concourse and out of the facility. I never saw her again.
Worst first date ever.
Coming next week, the story of a Grizzley’s bar mitzvah, Yentl Ben.
Join us for a Friday night at Pineda Inn from 7 to 11…
Then Saturday it’s the Eagles in Palm Bay from 7 to 11….
And Sunday, Malabar Mo’s from 4 to 8…
Absolute Blue Invitation 7/02/22 - 7/03/22
Absolute Blue Agicizes
It’s really getting old. The same thing over and over, night in and night out, year in and year out. What’s that? No, not the music. It’s the constant cycle of beernjaeger to jaegernbeer. It’s high time we mix things up a bit and keep our collective livers guessing. So we hit the local library to do some research on alternative libations, and it suddenly occurred to us. What if there was a device, such as a toaster, that would be able to instantly access a wealth of information, say the 1975 World Book encyclopedia? But alas, this technology is undoubtedly many years away. Until then we laboriously poured over a series of flash cards and Playboys and have come up with a few options to revitalize our imbibing experience as we find ourselves ready to double check our Triple Sec and start dreaming of Jim Beaming:
-In the ABC on the seedier side of Satellite Beach, we located some Ghetto Amaretto.
-We heard that the Jack Daniels Lynchburg distillery is coming out with a Cognac they call Tennessee Hennessey.
-A combination of processed meat and licorice lace the appalling Spambuca.
-Seemingly out of nowhere, a bottle of Abrakahlua appeared.
-We are seriously considering a Chinese provincial blend, Yuhan Jack.
-Skip favors the most matriarchical of cordials, Mothern Comfort.
-Due to its frequent use as a marinade, Grills Gone Wild Turkey remains a frontrunner.
-Cutting edge fermentation techniques have created a Milk based liqueur for the lactose adventurous, Moouzo.
Please join us for a Saturday at Mainstreet in Downtown Melbourne from 6 to 10…
Then Sunday it’s back to Island Time Marina in Cocoa Beach from 3 to 7…
Absolute Blue Invitation 6/17/22- 6/19/22
Absolute Blue Classifizes
At this point we have made the Horn Dogs Of Love a household name. But what we have yet to figure out is the exact taxonomy of the species. We have narrowed it down to two distinct subspecies, Donankevin and Kevinandon. And using carbon dating, a common practice before eHarmony, we were able to determine this could quite possibly be the first case of canis interruptus, which makes sense as many times we can’t seem to get a word in edgewise. Through DNA testing, the collection of which was highly questionable and most likely criminal, we were able to determine that they are most likely closely related to the order olfactorous superfluous and based on the smell we would have to agree. A more detailed analysis indicated that they descended from acutus vulgaris, which explains the fart jokes. Another possibility is accidentilus evacuous which explains the soiled newspapers or stains on the couch, depends. This belongs to the family kriskristopherus californicus, which explains Don’s love of west coast country music and proliferous aquaticus which is obviously Kevin. But then it gets a little fuzzy. For a specific species we have narrowed it down to the following possibilities:
-Chiwawa: Inspired by a chain of Mexican convenience stores.
-Snickerpoodle: A fuzzy breed that never gets hangry.
-Brautweiler: The original hot dog.
-Halfmastiff: Not sure about the other half.
-Hardcorgi: For those who like their heavy metal with a little fluff.
Join us for a Friday night at Main Street in Downtown Melbourne 5 to 10…
Then Saturday it’s Squid Lips in Melbourne from 6 to 10…
And we finish things off with a Sunday at Sunset Waterfront Bar and Grill in Cocoa Beach from 3 to 8…
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