Absolute Blue Invitation 6/29/18 - 7/01/18

Absolute Blue Games

There are certain things from our past that remind us of simpler times. Of time spent together without the daily distractions that we now face. And what better way to start than with some of the games we remember as a kid. And we’re not talking about the Chinese version of a popular new game that Kevin recommended, Cards Against Hunanity or its Republican counterpart, Cards Against Sean Hannity. Or that time when Don misunderstood the concept of Scattergories and showed up in a diaper, or adult undergarment, depends. I know, you’ve heard this before, way back in the day, when we proposed a more adult product line including Well Hungry Hungry Hippos and Dicpictionary. But except for Tom we’ve matured considerably since then. So come on, don’t be a Yahtzee Nazi! It’s time to put down the phone and fully engage for our new line of games suitable for the whole family:

-SkipDough: More than just a card game, it’s a strategy for managing our guitarist’s portfolio, one nickel at a time.

-Donopoly: This replaces the traditional properties such as Boardwalk and Park Place with items found around Don’s neighborhood, like Old Shoe, Beer Can and Squirrel.

-Tominoes: A different take on the tile placing game. It’s not so much Mahjong or Yorjong, it’s Ourjong.

-Billy Putty: Mostly industrial strength spackling and used chewing gum. Avoid contact with skin, eyes, relatives, pets that are pregnant, pets that may become pregnant or pets that are thinking about becoming pregnant.

-Tickle Me Kevin: No. Just don’t.

Join us for a big weekend as these will be our last public performances for a couple weeks…

Friday it’s a highly unusual appearance at Cocoa Beach Squidlips from 5:30 to 9:30…

Then Saturday we return to Brews and Blues in St Cloud, 1122 Pennsylvania Ave, just a block off 192, from 7:30 to 11:30…

And Sunday come on down to Sandbar in Cocoa Beach at the end of 520 from 4 to 8…

Absolute Blue Invitation 5/25/18 - 5/28/18

Absolute Blue Repeatizes

We have heard from local authorities and due to the cancellation of our only performance last weekend, we are required to resubmit last week’s notice. This may be a local ordinance or a county directive but it’s the law. Perhaps the passage of time will somehow make the content more relevant. Probably not.

Many times in the past The Worst Band You'll Ever Love has been compared to superheroes. Mostly unfavorably, with members called out as Underachiever Dog and Superintendent Man and even past members, as The Flash In The Pan. But sometimes it’s what you don’t do, like holding in that fart during church, not telling someone they’re an asshole or not watching network tv, that makes you truly heroic. We believe in this so strongly that we have made repeated attempts to contact several D list actors and agents, enough to warrant a couple of restraining orders and this thing called a ‘cease a dentist’ order which I guess means Don has to stop taking out his own teeth.  But believe it or not we have been contacted by a top Hollywood producer interested in making a new series of Superhero films. I tell ya, this Harvey Weinstein fella sounds like a real stand up guy. So we have agreed in principle for the following questionable titles, currently in turnaround:

-Byron Man: Skip channels the eighteenth century poet and nobleman, incapacitating heroes and villains alike with his romantic prose.

-Avengers - Kevinfinity War: The Avengers adventures continue, this time in a race to find the Kevinfinity stones. It’s a gripping two hours as they wait for Kevin to pass them.

-Thomassassin’s Creed: Proving that superheroes are made, not Bourne, Tom makes his enemies submit through use of his hurtful words, disturbing sarcasm and devastating ambiguity.

-Captain America - SyBill War: Once shunned for his multiple personality disorder, Bill learns to use these powers to confuse, alienate and neutralize his adversaries.

-Batman v Superman – Don of Justice: Not all heroes wear capes. Or tights. Or underwear.

Join us for a full holiday weekend starting Friday and Saturday at Keith’s Oyster Bar at Cocoa Beach Pier…

Then Sunday it’s our debut at the Tipsy Tiki in Fort Pierce from 4 to 8…

And we finish things up with a Memorial Day bash at Earl’s in Sebastian from 2 to 6…

Absolute Blue Invitation 5/11/18 - 5/12/18

Absolute Blue Corporatizes

Few realize it but Absolute Blue, Inc. is publicly held. This means anyone can give a band member a hug at any time. It also means that any referential documentation of said company is public record. Including the minutes to our yearly meeting:

ABSOLUTE BLUE ANNUAL SHAREHOLDERS MEETING

Treasurer’s Report: We are sad to say that total reserves are down to $78.77 due to a five dollar hardship withdrawal from Skip for a pack of smokes.

Absolute Blue Medical Plan: We are pleased to announce that any member in good standing is now entitled to both a tourniquet and a bottle of Jack.

New Business:

-Don made a motion that he be granted special powers such an x-ray vision or telekinesis. This failed to pass as he has yet again failed to grasp the reason for these meetings.

-Skip recommended that we adopt the metric system. This passed unanimously and we will now drink beer in meters.

-Kevin suggested that we adopt into Corporate policy his No Fish Left Behind program for at risk and wayward fishes, due to a sudden increase in fish on fish crime. This failed mostly due to bewilderment.

-Bill proposed that we allow pets to register as Republican or Democrat, provided they know not only the issues at hand but also who’s a good boy. This was tabled until someone can figure out what the hell he's talking about.

-Tom made a motion but it turned out to be more of an obscene gesture.

Meeting was then adjourned due to lack of interest.

Join us for a Saturday afternoon at Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, from 3 to 7…