Absolute Blue Invitation 11/09/18 - 11/10/18

Absolute Blue Connects

We are all connected. Really, really connected. We are never far from technology. We carry smart devices, drive smart cars, eat smart food, feed smart pets, wear smart clothes. But in the process we are creating volumes of data. Detailing where we go, what we do and how we do it. I myself was able to order Domino’s driving down I95. Sure the pepperoni was cold and I missed my exit, but what a convenience! The problem is that now that Siri knows I like my delivery at 80 miles an hour on the interstate, I am now inundated with offers for Chinese on a side street, Burgers on the causeway or Tacos in a school zone. Let’s face it. Big brother is not only watching, he’s listening. And taking notes. But we had to learn the hard way:

-By not reading his end user license agreement Don is legally required to send copies of each fax he receives to Google for review and archival.

-Due to Skip’s North Carolinian drawl, or perhaps browser history, instead of accessing his genealogy website, Siri connected him to incestry dot com.

-Frequent review of users associated with your social media accounts is critical. After performing a routine audit Kevin found friend requests from Ted Bundy, Bernie Madoff and Harvey Weinstein on his MySpace account.

-Bill’s ‘smart’ house has unknowingly been logging data on each time he turns out the light, one clap at a time.

-Tom was forced to relinquish his iPhone and is now working with a beeper after mistakenly loading an app that not only logged and archived but graded and corrected Texts, then failing to maintain a D minus average. Comments included ‘Horrifically Inane’, ‘Pontifically Trite’ and sometimes simply ‘Dude!’.

Join us for another weekend at Keith’s Oyster Bar at Cocoa Beach Pier from 6 to 10 both Friday and Saturday…

Absolute Blue Invitation 11/02/18 - 11/03/18

Absolute Blue Sugarcedes

It’s that spooky time of year in which children dress up to gather together and travel door to door, gathering entitlements from unsuspecting neighbors. It’s also one of the most important consumer holidays with gross sales surpassing Arbor Day, Yom Kippur and National Poetry Day combined. As much of this is due to confectionery purchases, we have developed a line of products sure to appease or appall. Initial product testing was ambivalent towards our Bee Gee’s inspired confection, Maurice’s Pieces, and our Simpson’s themed D’oh Henry, but was still much better than our line of women’s products, such as Feminems, Chick-o-stick and JLo Pez. Or the infectiously good Staffy Taffy. All potential litigation aside, we undauntedly searched for the next big thing by asking each member of The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love, formerly known as the 5 Buskateers, to design a product specifically tailored to their own personal quirks, idiosyncrasies and/or peculiarities. The result:

-Skipples: Fear the rainbow.

-Hot Tomales: Just like our bass player it combines natural, artificial and non existent ingredients.

-Billky Way: The ultimate apologetic confection. Being tried for murder? Caught embezzling company funds? Cheating on your taxes? Sorry, I was eating a Billky Way.

-Kevinheads: Our trombone player has created a product so sour that he has been called a bad mother pucker.

-Donkin Don-uts: America runs over them.

Only one Absolute Blue performance this weekend, Saturday at Sandbar, at the end of 520 in Cocoa Beach, from 9 to 1…

Absolute Blue Invitation 10/26/18 - 10/27/18

Absolute Blue Reflects

During our recent time off we were given ample opportunity to review and evaluate past correspondence and we have come to some startling conclusions. The inconsistency and inanity of said posts has prompted further research to determine an underlying cause. So I called 1.800.THE.RAPY and was connected to the next available ‘licensed’ therapist. For $5.99 a minute I was successfully purged of childhood trauma such as the following:

Parent: Did you see the orange dog in the yard?

Me: Umm, what?

Parent: He looked so sad.

Me: Umm, how?

Parent: I think he was a melon collie.

And:

Parent: Did you see those cows this morning?

Me: No.

Parent: They are planning something.

Me: I mean, no. Please. Don’t.

Parent: It could be cattle clysmic.

As a result, I contacted 1.800.SU.EVRY1 and was connect to the first available ‘licensed’ attorney. Current pending action cites mental duress, loss of habitat, emotional anguish, loss of wages, fear of commitment, demonstrative disillusionment and intellectual repression over the course of many years. However due to what has been referred to as limited cognitive capacity, this has been relegated to small claims court.

Anyways, check us out at Keith’s Oyster Bar at the fabulous Cocoa Beach Pier this Friday and Saturday from 6 to 10….