Absolute Blue Invitation 9/07/18 - 9/08/18

Absolute Blue Matures

Let’s face it. While we’re not getting much older, were also not getting any younger. And with this condition comes a number of ailments. We don’t know what’s worse, the issues Tom has with incontinence or bladder control, depends. Don was asked to surrender his hearing aids and handed over 2 hand grenades. And we’ve all but given up on counting Skip’s liver spots. But we’ve found a new drug that has cured everything from Kevin’s lumbago to Bill’s fear of intimacy. It’s brand new to the market and we were lucky enough to be included in the original clinical trials. It’s called PlaCeBo, and if our luck holds out, we just may be their newest spokesmen. Where we’ll say such informative things as “Don’t take PCB if you’re allergic to PCB” or “Don’t take PCB if you don’t have any PCB” or even “Don’t take PCB if you’ve never heard of PCB.” And with other high profile and personally marketed brands such as Frednisone or Damnbien, for Tourette’s sufferers with insomnia, it’s time we get in on some of this pharmaceutical action.

-Kevicillan: For a broad range of infections, including one that starts with an S...

-Skipitor: This statin is more than an island. Side effects include random juggling.

-OxycoDon: A powerful analgesic that actually replaces the pain with guilt. A kosher version is also available.

-Billium: A generic version of Conservatrillium guaranteed to make a Republican of even the staunchest Libertarian in large enough doses.

-Tomezepam: A powerful but strangely offensive sedative. Side effects include believing you are actually Tom and the resultant suicidal ideation.

Please join us this weekend as we obviously take next weekend off due to the huge sale at Bed, Bath and Beyond...

Friday we return to the Tiki in Sebastian from 7 to 11...

Then Saturday it’s all the way down to the Tipsy Tiki in Fort Pierce from 7 to 11...

Absolute Blue Invitation 8/31/18 - 9/03/18

Absolute Blue Interpersonalizes

We are both honored and embarrassed to discover that we have been nominated for a World’s Record. And while we wait for the Guinness officials to verify the category of Most Formal Charges Registered With HR Without A Single Felony Conviction, we would like to thank those responsible, those that cared enough to complain about us. Special thanks go out to NAACP, NCAA, PETA, PITA, ACLU, DCLU, AFL-CIO, NFL-CIO, DOT, DASH, HUD, CHUD, SPUD, TATER, NOW, THEN, ALWAYS, BPOE, EAPOE, C-SPAN, SI-SPANISH, INTERPOL, OUTERPOL, KFC, KofC, NATO, TORNATO, NOAA, NOAH, OPEC, NOPEC, YESPEC, MAYBEPEC, WHO, WHAT, WHERE, IBM, YOUBM, WEALLBM, UPS and DOWNS just to name a few. Most of these stem from the time we combined our new drug awareness program with an integrity based assessment into what we called our Methics training. So in a half-hearted and largely futile effort to avoid future persecution, prosecution or prostitution we agreed to a battery of tests, mostly AA and 9-volt, administered by the Absolute Blue Inc. Division of Human Resources, Wildlife Management and Applied Kinesiology. The results of which may surprise you. Probably not. Either way we’re sure to put the ass in Harassment:

-Don thought Diversity was a small town in the Panhandle.

-Kevin performed so poorly during his session on the dynamics of group interaction he has been enrolled in Nonsensitivity Training.

-Skip signed up for the session hosted in Maine just so he could say he’s going to Bangor Management.

-Bill was warned so many times about the implications of his actions he is now referred to as the Repercussionist.

-Tom was pleased when he heard that his correspondence ranged from Flammatory to Inflammatory. Until he learned that these are equally dreadful.

A couple of private engagements this weekend but still two chances to catch The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love at their absolute best starting Friday at Malabar Mo’s from 7 to 11…

Then Saturday it’s the Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, from 4 to 8…

Absolute Blue Invitation 8/16/18 - 8/18/18

Absolute Blue Assures

We at Absolute Blue, in our never ending quest to bring you the latest innovations, original entertainment choices and questionable business practices have done it again. We have partnered with financial experts, renown economists and 2 Hooters girls to develop an ill-conceived yet highly impractical solution to an ongoing problem. How many times have you heard the wrong lyrics to a Lynyrd Skynyrd song, or a wrong note when listening to Chicago that left you confused, anxious or questioning the world we live in and/or your specific place within it? Well now for a small monthly premium and most likely a huge copay, you can simply download our mobile app, answer some basic questions detailing your specific emotional trauma and you could immediately be eligible for pizza coupons, BOGO Chipotle vouchers or rare Pokemon. Call it Insuretainment. Or Entersurance. Whatever. And our supplemental packages can protect you against fart jokes, republican posturing and the occasional flying drumstick.

I know what you’re thinking. We’ve heard this all before. Like that time we presented our term insurance product, Absolute Blue Life and that’s almost what they gave us. Or our equity broking service that in fact left us broke. Or that portfolio management service that went starboard. Or the bitcoin investment that came back to bite us. This time it’s probably different. Or it might be. Maybe. Ok, probably not…

Join us for a highly unusual and suspect Thursday at The Avenue in Viera from 5 to 8…

Friday night is a private function but Saturday it’s back to Brews and Blues, on Pennsylvania just off 192 in beautiful St. Cloud, 7:30 to 11:30…