Absolute Blue Invitation 7/27/12 - 7/29/12

Absolute Blue's Pledge

It has come to our attention that our dedication to the core product is not as it should be. Skip has been seen philandering with Stoney, the Horn Dogs have been stepping out with the Lost River Gang and God only knows what Tom and Chris Long are up to. Therefore, we have put together a "statement of purpose" designed to strengthen these ties, bolster confidence within the organization and put an end to the divisionism that threatens the stability of the already fragile infrastructure of the institution that is The Worst Band You'll Ever Love. One by one each will be inducted during a formal ceremony during which they will be coerced into repeating the following, under threat of revocation of alcohol rights:

I pledge allegiance to the band
Which the five delegates make unbearable.
And to the repugnance for which it stands,
One creation, under Tom
With invisible, deliberate injustice for all.

Each member will sign this in blood or red crayon and a copy will be stored in the Absolute Blue archives at Corporate Headquarters. And to make it super official it will be posted on Facebook and Twittered repeatedly...

Friday we're back at The Bamboo at Seabreeze Steakhouse (formerly Foreman's Steakhouse) in Satellite Beach from 6 to 10...

Saturday it's The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10 as well...

Then Sunday we're at Sebastian Beach Inn, rain or shine, from 2 to 6...

Absolute Blue Invitation 7/20/12 - 7/21/12

Absolute Blue Talks Boat Safety

It’s that time of year when we see an influx of boats upon our plethora of waterways. Since we at Absolute Blue are concerned about your well-being, we have put together, after considerable research, some guidelines to ensure you a safe wet summer. You may not know it but boating accidents cause more injuries than kitchen utensils, pinochle and llamas combined. For instance it is always important to know which way you are turning, whether you are in starboard or in port, one being green, the other red. Always carry some type of navigation device such as GPS, compass or sextant. Be careful when fueling and always carry a spill kit containing absorbent pads, socks or feminine hygiene products. As soon as you board your vessel, familiarize yourself with all safety equipment such as coast guard approved fire extinguisher, signaling mirror or semaphore flags. Also, please take note of the below. Many of these can also be applied to the pool or the tub...

Always have a working knowledge of the fish you may encounter. Many will bite, sting or defraud you.
Emergency flares should not be used for roasting chicken or lighting cigarettes.
Remember, your captain can be used as a flotation device. Unless you're the captain.
When confronting a shark do not panic as they can smell fear. And apathy.
Always remember to bring Lifesavers. Jujubes are good too.
Obey all posted speed limits and most unposted ones. Remember the manatee you save today could be your entrée tomorrow.

And remember, safe boating is not just a good idea, it’s probably the law...

This weekend The Worst Band You'll Ever Love returns to Coconuts Friday from 7 to 11...

Then it's Squid Lips Saturday 7 to 11...

Absolute Blue Invitation 7/13/12 - 7/15/12

Absolute Blue Gets Efficient

The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love has taken a cue from many Fortune 500 companies and partnered with ruthless efficiency architect Dr. Rutherford T. D'Onutter of the D'Onutter Institute to analyze our organization. The goal is to identify assets and personnel resources, then reorganize to make optimal use of both. The first step is to have each member of the team reapply for their position, noting specific skill sets and experience that may identify them as being eligible for an alternate position, more in line with their talents and career goals. For example, Kevin’s leadership expertise may warrant a management position or Bill’s desire to be a pastry chef may finally be realized. So each band member was asked to submit their resume and hope for the best. Unfortunately, what we found was a severe lack of composition skills, nonexistent punctuation and grammar that can only be described as unsettling, not to mention the consistent departures from the truth. To wit:

Don’s academic record came under scrutiny when listing his numerous degrees from Karl’s Kommunity Kollege, especially when he misspelled PhD.

Skip’s work history raised some eyebrows when claiming to be CFO of several companies until we found that the F stands for Flatulence.

Kevin took extensive liberties with the resume format, adding a separate section called Libido, listing all conquests by gender and species.

Bill’s military history was called into question when his official title was listed as Benevolent Despot. His Bolshevist Medal turned out to be just that.

But the most dubious was when Tom turned in several blank sheets of paper, proving again that either he has yet to master the fax machine, put the paper in the printer upside down again or is simply too cheap to buy toner.

As we wait for the results of our findings, take this opportunity to perhaps see the current lineup for the last time before the hammer falls this weekend, first at Lou’s Blues this Friday from 9:30 to 1:30...

Saturday it's a special Satellite Beach performance at the Bamboo Lounge at Seabreeze Steakhouse (formerly Foreman's Steakhouse) from 6 to 10... There'll be two for one specials on Chicago and Skynyrd so be sure not to miss this homecoming. We've got some surprises in store for you..

Then Sunday it's Coconuts in Cocoa Beach, 2 to 6...