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Absolute Blue Invitation 8/16/13 - 8/18/13
Absolute Blue Scholasticizes
Due to the success of the recent BCC expansion, plans are already underway for yet another institution of higher learning in the area. West Eastern State Technical University at Dunedin promises its students a full and rich educational environment as well as meeting social needs. In fact, it is the first marginally accredited college specifically designed to market itself solely based on its reputation as a party school. Their motto, Come Get Wasted at WESTUD, is more than just a slogan, it’s a trademark. Unfortunately they have had problems filling faculty positions due to recent meth lab busts and unreasonably high bail limits. It is with desperation that they have turned to The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love to fill out their academic roster. Among WESTUD offerings for the upcoming semester:
Don is planning a curriculum entitled: Can I Eat That? The timely and efficient preparation of road kill, house pets and common garden pests.
Skip has a series called Vegetable Hunting; Stalking and tracking the most dangerous of legumes as well as caliber and magazine selection.
Kevin’s syllabus is complete, dubbed Know Your Rednecks; a comprehensive overview for those that tend to confuse Hank Williams, Jr with Dale Earnhardt, Jr.
Tom created his from scratch: Flatulence, using his own Field guide: Identification and Diagnosis of the most personal of odors.
Bill designed a course called Rap Roots 101: Design and structure of hip hop’s early years from Fresh Prince to Run and/or DMC and even that Blondie chick that does that song…
As we prepare for parent teacher conferences we offer some fine chances to catch Absolute Blue at their finest…
Friday night we’re at Coconuts in Cocoa Beach from 7 to 11…
Saturday we attend a private party but Sunday brings us back to SBI from 2 to 6, rain or shine...
Absolute Blue Invitation 8/10/13 - 8/11/13
Absolute Blue Closings
We apologize for last week’s posting as apparently due to autocorrect, spellchecking or alien intervention a critical word was misspelled. We are truly sorry for any inconvenience caused by this issue, however our most sincere apology automatically excludes us from any civil or criminal charges, either foreign or domestic, so we have given our lawyers the evening off…
In other news, authorities have intercepted a series of messages linked to Absolute Blue that are causing concern throughout an already shaken intelligence community. Unfortunately the collection of these messages resulted in the demise of several carrier pigeons. The nature of these remain unclear but as a precaution, a number of closures have been scheduled, including several hot dog carts, a Waffle House, three Hooters Restaurants and the lone remaining Scotty’s on earth. The Atlantic Ocean and the Ionosphere remain open but on a heightened security level. Along with the intercepted correspondence a series of male enhancement drugs and equipment were missing, a clear indication that the group is up to no good. Officials are not disclosing which governing body intercepted the communications however indicated that they were not only off color but had flatulent references and a substantial number of grammatical errors, immediately implicating The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love…
Anyways, the single public performance this weekend is at The Old Fish House in Grant Saturday from 6 to 10, as Sunday we tend to a private function…
Absolute Blue Invitation 8/02/13 - 8/03/13
Absolute Blue Technologizes
Absolute Blue is pleased to announce the first in our summer series on new and emerging technology. We apologize for not starting sooner but our IT consultant was on restriction for missing curfew. This week’s focus is on a strange new concept called Hashtagging or Hashing or simply Tagging. This presents a way of letting all the internets know that you have written, or ‘posted’, statements or comments of great meaning that the world should know of. Award winning scientists have yet to fully understand how this actually works, but by preceding the subject of your post with ‘hashtag’ all internet users are immediately notified that you have something interesting or intriguing to say. If you were talking about pets you might use ‘hashtag dog’, or more specifically ‘hashtag pomeranian’ if you were speaking about a particularly unattractive species, and immediately dog lovers from as far as Peru and perhaps Malta will be alerted to your interesting and/or intriguing words. It’s hashtag fricking hashtag awesome! Feel free to use this new technology but not too much as it may interfere with our plans for global domination already in progress…
Next week: ‘Selfies’ in 12 easy steps…
Only one hashtag chance for a hashtag Absolute Blue performance this hashtag weekend. Join us at hashtag Squid Lips hashtag Saturday from hashtag 7 to hashtag 11…
Absolute Blue Invitation 7/26/13 - 7/27/13
Absolute Blue Nobilizes
And so ends another baby watch, this time culminating in a former commoner producing a future king, and not too shabbily considering there must have been a fair amount of pressure. And as we wonder at the ridiculousness of it all, we must realize that the British, ever proficient at the art of distraction, have succeeded in turning attention away from a country in turmoil to a natality scene, at least temporarily. That being said, there may be other ways we could benefit by adopting some techniques and strategies used by the Britons, as they been fairly successful in having a coup free if not democracy free commonwealth for a number of years. Case in point, the Royal Family itself. There is some sound strategy behind having one family responsible for the leadership of a country (as long as it’s not the Kardashians). Consider the millions of dollars that are spent on elections every four years. That money could be much better spent on more practical applications, such as bribes and payoffs. And it produces another potential revenue stream, the ability to purchase, at considerable expense, a title of your own. Local legislative coffers would runneth over as well to do citizens become Counts, Barons or Lords, resulting in a true exercise in feudility. Replacing city councils, neighborhood watch and PTA’s would be a system of nobility, such as the Earl of Brunswick Lanes upon Sarno or the Duke of Palmshoreshire, that would dole out swift if not brutal justice in response to local conflicts. Of course The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love would be knighted, perhaps daily, into the Order of the Jaeger…
And as we wait for an answer of our proposed municipal changes, we bring you a Friday night at Malabar Mo’s from 6 to 10…
Then Saturday at Neptune in Satellite Beach (formerly The Cove) from 9 to 1…
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