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Absolute Blue Invitation 4/05/13 - 4/07/13
Absolute Blue’s Warmongering
Enough with the cautious optimism. The time for action is now. We’ve heard of their antics for years, yet we do nothing about it. How long to we take the ridicule and threats from a country no larger than probably two of our states either put together or contiguously? And not two of those New England states either. Why, even the name, Luxembourg, literally means ‘Death To Americans’ in perhaps one or more of their ancient native languages. We’ve had it with their coffee drinking and the crossword puzzling. Even on the internet we read of them breeding sheep with explosive devices in their little sheep fluff that smell like Twizzlers to attract Americans and other types of tourists, then train them to enter the detonation codes with their little hooves then, boom, they go to sheep heaven, which is close to real heaven, just an exit or two before. Other facts we researched on the internet or simply made up:
They are a sneaky people, hiding in open air cafes during the day and sleeping at night.
Their primary export, other than Luxembourgers, is Basalt, which nobody knows what the hell is.
While not a nuclear power, they have many pointy sticks that can be thrown great distances.
Many people are born there every year.
Their military chemical warfare division is even now developing virulent strains of gingivitis.
So the answer is clear. Stop the menace before it’s too late. For the children. For the pets…
We start off a full weekend with a Friday night at Lou’s Blue from 9:30 to 1:30…
Then Saturday we return to the Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520. From 9 to 1…
And we finally blow it out with a Sunday afternoon at Malabar Mo’s from 4 to 8…
Absolute Blue Invitation 3/29/13 - 3/31/13
Absolute Blue’s Fracketology
Now that our brackets have not only been busted, but blowed up. Now that the only bracket on earth that correctly picked a 15, a 14 and a 13 seed is our daughter. Seriously (course she has Harvard in the final four). Now that we have damned Dick Vitale straight to hell, baby. Now that all our research including RPI, ELO and CHESS factors that once assured us the perfect bracket and the $1M prize, awarded in $10 weekly increments for 100,000 weeks, lasted until the second game. Now that all hope has been abandoned (FGCU? OMG, WTF?). Now that our current method, choosing the team with the hottest cheerleaders, isn’t panning out, we would like to offer some of the strategies that have previously failed us:
Picking a team with a coach’s name we can’t spell, although Krzyzewski served us well.
Teams with no discernable mascot. What the hell is a Zip anyway?
Teams with secondary colors, such as Fuchsia or Lavender. Stick with the primaries here.
Teams fielding known felons, however reveres this logic for football.
God, I miss Bobby Knight…
This weekend we tend to a private function Friday but return with a vengeance on Saturday from 6 to 10 at The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant…
Then Sunday at the Sandbar in Cocoa Beach from 4 to 8…
Absolute Blue Invitation 3/22/13 - 3/23/13
Absolute Blue's Hope for Pope
Get out your Pick-A-Pope cards to see if you're a winner! Simply look in the 'Jesuit' column and the 'Latin' row. If you see 'May Have Conspired With Corrupt Regime' you win! Of course we're kidding. After all, it was just a popeularity contest anyway. But seriously, we have no doubt that our new pope will rule with honor and keep new and future Catholics engaged. Mostly to each other. And don't forget to pick up your souvenir Vatican necklace, or Pope on a Rope. Really, though, we have assembled even more fun facts to help you with this tumultuous transition of theological power, before the Vatican becomes the Vatican't:
Known for his penchant for public transportation, Pope Francis is being considered for the Patron Saint of exact change.
Even the remnants of the papal fire were treated with respect. After digging all night, Vatican officials carefully placed them in the ash hole.
His popeness bats left, throws right.
Chose his name not for Assisi but for Sinatra.
Is selling frozen treats on a stick in the shape of former church officials, called popecicles.
Also marketed a series of blessed Toaster pastries, called Pope Tarts, featuring a variety of flavors, including brown sugar Sin Amen.
So there you have it. A veritable Popeurri of fun facts and outright lies...
This weekend we get things started with a Friday evening at The Avenue in Viera from 6 to 9...
Then Saturday we return to Squid Lips from 7 to 11...
Absolute Blue Invitation 3/15/13 - 3/17/13
Absolute Blue Celebrates
While we wait patiently for Cinco de Mayo, the calendar has blessed us with yet another gift, this time dedicated to a semi fictitious deity that may or may not have driven snakes that could have not existed from a land where they could have never been in the first place. Of course it’s St Patrick’s day, dedicated to drinking, debauching and rebauching. Brought to you by the Irish, who you just have to love. They cry during beer commercials and even their coffee will get your drunk. After all, it’s not like we need a reason for our revelry, but it does help to explain it to local law enforcement. It’s time to bring out the green and be on the alert for any anatomically correct garden gnomes. And we bring you other St Patrick trivia as well:
St Patrick was originally the patron saint of Ireland, then demoted to patron saint of asparagus, and finally the patron saint of hangovers after that last incident with the Pope.
St Patrick’s Day was not always celebrated on the 17th. Precise calculations based on the Mayan, Aztec and Julian calendars, then adjusted for daylight savings time, leap year and the moon’s gravitation pull on the earth timed this down to the second. It was then changed to allow more shopping days before Christmas.
Leprechauns are actually evil and foul smelling creatures. The image we have today is due to a positive marketing campaign to improve their image and sell us more cereal.
The leprechaun was not the first choice for the St Patrick’s Day mascot. Santa was already taken and negotiations with the Easter Bunny had come to a standstill. After trying to claim the Tooth Fairy off waivers and losing the Thanksgiving turkey to free agency, the leprechaun was signed for a minimal signing bonus and limited incentives.
And just so you know, everyone is welcome at our parade. Leading the way will be Michael Fitpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael…
We have a full holiday weekend in store for you beginning Friday at Lou’s Blue from 9:30 to 1:30…
Then an unusual Saturday night in Satellite Beach at Neptune, formerly The Cove, from 9 to 1…
And a return to SBI Sunday from 2 to 6…
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